My husband is threatening divorce if I have an abortion. What happened to "for better or worse"?

iritadragon

Well, you are right in one respect. It is your choice--to have the abortion and lose your husband. Or to give birth to the baby and let your husband deal with raising it.

Why must there be a split if you have the child? Since both you and your husband make such good money, why not hire a full time nanny to raise the child, and you can play part-time Mommy whenever you wish? There is a segment of society that does this anyway. Why not join them?

In the meantime, I am afraid that I side with your husband. If all you want to do is to kill his child, just so that you can be spared the inconvenience of it, then he is entitled to divorce you, and I hope he does. Because I don't think that anything is going to stop you from doing exactly as YOU want. You seem to be that sort of person.

grandm

While I understand your feelings, you family and friends are right when they say that you're being selfish. I was in a similar situation with my first child, never wanted to have a baby, but once he was born, my feelings changed completely. I've never regretted having my son, my only regret was in waiting so long to have him. Your feelings do change after you have a baby. I guess you need to decide how important your marriage is to you. Good luck!

eharrah1

Give yourself time to adjust to the fact that you are pregnant. Your hubby might be willing to do most of the work of raising the baby. Once you hold that tiny miracle, your feelings will change.

NLH823

You need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. You are not a teenager anymore. If it was such an issue then your husband should have gotten fixed- because that is reversible. It may ruin all you had planned in your life but that is the consequences and it's not the child's fault- it's yours and your husbands.

tuppenybitz

Why should this baby be murdered? it never asked to be conceived but it has been. Killing it is worse than having it adopted out,if your hubby wants to raise this child he should have the right to.
You hopes and dreams? you can have these things and a baby,don't be so selfish give this baby a chance at life!

roxiecat4200

If he wants the child then have him give up his job to raise the baby. You won't have to give up all your hopes and dreams, but you may have to work a little harder to accomplish them. Have you thought about having your husband sterilized?

Zaferus

It may be that he sees a big difference between not planning to have children and terminating the life of his child. While they both result in the same end, it's not the same thing.

It's a tough situation because if you have the baby and you think it ruined your life, you'll transgress those feelings every day on your child. And that won't be fair for either of you.

As you both have means - I would recommend taking some time to yourself and going somewhere isolated but scenic for a little soul searching. The path you choose will have long lasting consequences on your marriage, your life, and your unborn child.

Peg

I totally have no idea on what to tell you. I am worried that if you do have the baby you'll be mean to it. On the other hand being a mother myself I can tell you, you will never ever meet anyone on this earth you are going to love, like, think is the neatest person in your life time as this child that is so much you, its scary. This child is a new and improved version of you. It will make you laugh like youve never laughed and cry and worry. There is nothing, nothing like the relationship between mother and child. This kid is you. Its just so cool.
But if youre going to be mean to it then...I dont know. You will never ever get over the guilt of an abortion. It will haunt you for the rest of your life. But again, if youre going to break the babies arm for crying...like I said I really dont know what to tell you.
http://www.nmathletictrainers.org/8week.jpg

sheila f

please don't abort this child! i know you have a choice but who is the person your carrying inside of you? could hold the cure to cancer, or just a normal child i truly believe it was ment to be! you said it yourself you did everything to stop it from happening and it still occured. sounds like devine intervention. you don''t hate children you don't want to deal with them. get a nanny sounds like you can afford it. for better or worse well consider this the worst that can happen and just deal with the child when it get here it'll be the best worst you'll ever experience. beautiful experience

Bubbi

WHAT??? you dont like little weeny tiny helpless babys
Trust me a child is a wonderful thing.
Dont Abort that life would go down to waste take it and you will thank me.
Great Reasons Why you should Take it.
1. You will have stories to tell
2. Your generation might become famous
3.Destiny brings you together
Take what life gives you its Destiny.

ohiofirefighter42

Because thats the way it is, I also could have accepted never being a father, but like your husband I would never agree to have my wife terminate the life of my child. You seem to be an incredibly selfish person, I feel really bad for you. Making the decision to not want children was your choice and you had every right to make it as that decision only affected you and your husband. Now there is a baby involved. And if you can sleep with yourself knowong you ended its life because it would interfere with yours, I'm sorry as a husnband I could never respect or admire you again.

bronzebabekentucky

i can understand that you arent great with kids, my problem is WHY werent you on SOME sort of birth control? makes no sense... if you hate kids, give it up for adoption
you will be divorced soon if you have an abortion
you can give the baby a good home elsewhere

happygalforyou

This is your life. You can't worry about what everyone else thinks you need to do. Your husband knew how you felt when he married you so you shouldn't feel quilty. Do what feels right for you.

Lin B

You are making me cry. You are one of the most selfish people Ive seen on this ASK thing...Have that baby and give it to your husband...it belongs to him too. Do you even understand what a blessing this is. God has shown you that He is the giver of life NOT YOU!!!!!
Obviously...You think life is good now...that baby will make you think"why did I think that monetary things were the answer to my hopes and dreams". God giveth and he taketh away...if you abort that child he WILL deal with you for killing an innocent child. There is a unique plan for that child, he is needed in this world to affect someone in a positive way and you will be taking something good away from many many people. He could cure cancer, he could save one or many lives, he could have children that will make a difference in this rotten world...pleeeese if you don't want the child give it to someone who does!!!!!!

oh and by the way, you will lose EVERYTHING good in your life and maybe your sanity along with everything else.
Don't tempt the Lord thy God....

Maureen B

You are very selfish..And you have an excuse for everything.If you did not want children you should have had your tubes tied and if your doctor would not do it you should have gone to another doctor because there are plenty of doctors out there that will do the procedure at your age..So it is your lack of persuance that got you in this position.The only person that you are concerned about is you and that in itself is extrememly selfish..You have 2 moral choices in which to pick.
1)Give the baby up for adoption
2)Give the baby to your husband
Children are precious gifts and they have a right to a chance in life.You are looking at this situation all wrong You say having a baby will make you lose everything when infact you would not lose you would gain a lifetime of the gift of a child.What if your parents had felt the same way do you not think you had a right to a chance in life.You are an extrememly selfish person.Nobody can accept your decision because it is wrong.It is your fault that you are pregnant,grow up and take responsibility.I feel sorry for your husband I am sure he has figured out what a selfish unfeeling person he married.I hope he put's his foot down and takes the baby and has a happy life..Your friends & family are absolutely right you are a selfish,selfish person and you are ruining yur own life with selfishness..Your husband will never look at you the same ever again..Shame on you..BY THE WAY ABORTION IS MURDER......

robster

you crazy why would you do abortion. thats just mean. you want to see the kid grow up everyday see hows hes doing love em up be nice to him. now you said your husband will divorce you because you will give an abortion! i would do the samethin as him. you are giving a babies chance to live and you are runinig it. another thing it may b hard for you to take care of a kid but if the dad is nice enough he will help to. ask him if he will help. if he does. agrre with him and say i will have the kid FOR YOU.you never know the kid could be a superstar. could be daddys little girl or mommys little boy. take this and think it out.

Swajo

Well, my first question is.....how would you feel if your husband was wanting to kill someone that you really wanted badly. That's probably how he's feeling if he's not wanting you to have an abortion. He's seeing that baby as a little person who is a part of you and him.

My second question is, why would your friends and family look at you more harshly for leaving your husband and baby, and why would you care if you really don't love either of them enough to stay?

Sorry, but I too think you're incredibly selfish. That baby is his too, and you need to at least be willing to consider keeping the baby if that's what he wants to do. When you married him, and when you conceived a baby together, you gave him the right to have a say about it. I'm not saying you gave him total control, but he at least should have the right to have you sit down and listen as objectively as you can to him and hear his feelings........and give his way some honest consideration.

You have some time before you have to make a hard decision, so don't jump to any quick decision right now. Give it some real thought. And really talk to your husband without harsh words or anger. Be open to possible change. And, I hope he will do the same for you.

By the way.............your own child is WAY different than other peoples children. I'm not crazy about other people's children either, but I sure do love my own!! They are the most incredible, wonderful beings on this earth! :)

ticktock

I ANSWERED YOUR NEXT QUESTION FIRST AND THEN CLICKED ON YOUR LINK AND DECIDED TO ANSWER THIS ONE TOO. HERE'S MY SUGGESTION: Since you have a friend that's been trying for 5 years to have a baby herself, I suggest you give birth to the baby and let her adopt it. That way, your husband can still have visitation rights and be a part of the child's life. But, unfortunately, I don't think your marriage will last no matter what your decision is. He has obviously changed his mind about babies and you haven't.

charitydowling

you are being selfish it's not only your baby it is also your husbands. He can go to court and fight you to have it

PURR GIRL TORI

Oh my god, I just got done reading some of the ridiculous answers you recieved about your question and they made me mad! I'm just like you, I've never wanted children, and all my life people have told me I'll change my mind, I'm selfish for not wanting kids (? how does that make me selfish if I don't want children? weird logic) You are NOT being selfish in my humble opinion. Babies are cute but they do NOT guarantee a better marriage or relationship with your husband or family. Sometimes they make it worse! Your parents and best friend are being completely stubborn and ignorant - exactly- they won't be the ones staying up night after night as your baby howls and you don't get any sleep! Take a deep breath! This is YOUR choice and it has nothing to do with anyone else. Not even your husband. He misled you by telling you he didn't mind if you never had children; now he's doing a 180 even when you TOLD HIM FROM THE BEGINNING that you were NOT interested in having children. He knew the score back then and your family and everyone else does not matter in this very personal decision. This is your right, to do what YOU feel is best. If you think it will ruin everything - get the abortion. I think it's incredibly selfish of your husband to suddenly change his mind about this, especially since you talked about your feelings concerning not wanting children years ago. You ask, "Why can't anyone accept my decision?" Their opinions do not matter in this case. You have the right to choose. Tell your family and friends to keep out of your business. If your husband gets angry, just you remind him what you two talked about concerning children years ago, and how he KNEW you didn't want any, and now suddenly he's changed his tune. HE doesn't have to carry it for nine months. YOU DO. It's all very well for other people who won't have to take care of it to say that you are selfish, etc. but THEY won't be there at 3AM with a screaming kid. I say, go with what YOU think is the best way. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for your decision. This is your life, not theirs.

David T

Looks like the odds are against you all the way around. You could except this as a miracle, concidering that the highly unlikely is now the reality, and raise the child like a gift, rather than a curse. Or you could have the abortion and be an outcast to everyone around you and stamped as a selfish murderer. Or you could have the child and leave your husband, making you an outcast to everyone and be stamped as a selfish abandoner. Either way YOU look at it, you're life is over. Others see it as a beginning, so don't use the arguement "For better or for worse" because its a different Point of View, and the majority says your POV is the wrong one. I don't think you should take it out on your unborn child by sticking a needle in its skull.

sandn

You are selfish. Listen to your husband. It is his child too.

Kurnal Mustard

Maybe your parents should of aborted you. The child is his too. Have a heart and show some humanity,just a shred. Have the baby and let him raise him or her. Then get a divorce and marry a mirror. That way you'll always be with the one you love.

pixiedraco2003666

well for one ifperson above me reads this want state no husband can not file charges againist you in the usa for havingabortion because reproductive rights belong to the woman periuod end story andeither way you lose if you abort you lose man you love if you birth you will be hateful mad at your husband resent him for him forcing you to birth to keep him i all can say do what will make you happy and if he cannt accept that oh well no one else can do what iwll make you happy

Chihuahua Lover

You are an incredibly selfish and an extremely cold person! How can anyone not love children? You should have thought about this, before you opened your legs. That's an innocent child growing inside you, that didn't choose to be brought into this world, in the first place, and deserves the right, at living a happy life with someone who wants, and will take care of it. Do you have any idea, how many couples are out there, that have been trying for years, to have kids and can't. Adoption, is your only option! How can you possible live with yourself, knowing you murdered an innocent child? Listen to your husband, he is right!

xyz

I think that your husband thought he would be fine with out kids until it happened. He is right on the fact that it did happen against all odds and that is a miracle. My husband was the same way at first and now he is dying to have kids. Kids are a wonderful thing and I do not believe in abortion but it is your life. That is a hard spot to be in but take some time and think about the whole situation and what is important to you. Not everyone is going to agree with you but it is your life you have to live. I say you are lucky my and my husband have been trying for 4 years and no luck and wish it was that easy for us. I just wish you would think about what you are doing and possibly giving up (baby or marriage.)

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