My husband is threating me w/divorce.he mentally abuses me, and i don't know what to do.?

Olivia B

I know what you're suggesting when you say he's threatening to take away the lifestyle that you've grown accustomed to, but let's really think about this; would that be such a bad thing? Would it be so bad not to be numb again? Even if it was in a crumby apartment? Would it be so bad to not get the verbal abuse? Divorce his ***. You don't deserve it. Worried about the kids? Yes, a divorce is rough on kids, to put it lightly. Wouldn't you agree that it's worse for them to grow up in the house with him mistreating you? I think it's much worse. Those kids will follow no other example more than they follow yours and his. Get yourself away from this man and take the kids with you. Divorce him. Etc. It's time to stop tolerating him.

Avid

If you're being abused, get out. There are programs available to help you start over. Call the women's hotline in your area for advice on how to get out safely. They will provide you with rides, shelter, anything you need to get you safe. You and your kids will be fine, really. I have been where you are now. Yes, leaving is scary, but in the very near future you will find it was the smartest thing you ever did. You won't be afraid or alone - there are plenty of people who will support you.

beenwiredon

loving those kids and knowing your worth more than tha is most important i grew up in a home like that and the best thing you can do is get out and the state will help just go to dfs kids are more important then him they may not understand now but they will benifit in the long run

Chrissy B

i know I'm young but my dad did that the best thing 2 do is divorce him b 4 mental abuse turns 2 physical abuse if u think u r gonna hurt u r kids by divorcing them u will hurt them more by staying wit him how would u feel if u never saw u r mommy happy so please if u love them dump him he definitely wants his thunder so take it away and go 2 the police station or somewhere and get help ill try and help u the best way i can cuz i was a child with a dad like u r husband and if u divorce him u will b better u can get child support and living money from him until u can get a job so honey get rid of him

Unique

Lady, you will have to understand that a man is not everything you need. If he treats you the way he does he could hurt you. As long if you have someone that loves you like your kids you will be fine, and not alone. Trust me, if you love your kids you will do what it takes to take care of them. You can go find a job.

jenn

get over it and him girl! u can take of urself. get a descent job an handle ur buisness. Let the next one worry bout him!!!!!!!!!

merigold00

See a divorce lawyer and see what the laws of the state are, and what you are likely to end up with if you leave him.

See if he is interested in goint to marital counselling with you.

You are between a rock and a hard place right now, and if you don't do something, it is only going to get worse.

DutchGirlinOregon

Take the divorce, leave this guy. He's just keeping you away from finding a good guy you REALLY belong with. Your kids shouldn't be around a guy like that either. Take them and run, and get a lawyer to get money out of him so you can continue to live on the same standard through alimony.

tijiani007

Well, i would look at life diffrently. No one should treat anyone the way your husband treats you. Do not be afraid, summon up some courage and get out of this abuse before it is too late. you need to be happy within, then everything else will take care of itself.

I do not know or heard your husband's side of the story, but please look after your children and try to find the strenght to move on.

Life is too short to be SAD on a daily basis

Gotta Luv It!

you might just have to take the chance and leave....that mental abuse could turn into physicall abuse....so pack your bags and you and your kids get outta there...cause he might try to hurt your kids next....let him file a divorce....u can get child support!

crct2004

Sounds like he has got you right where he wants you. I have been there too. I know at this point it all seems impossible, but it is not, and you can survive without him. You may not live in the style you have grown accustomed to, but would you rather have material things or sanity? Plus, think about what this is doing to your kids, they are learning how to have a relationship from yours.

Unfortunately this is an all to common situation, but fortunately there are resources out there to help you. You are being abused and you can get help. Look in your phone book for a women's hotline and go from there. You can get out of this for yourself and your children.
He is a very sick person who feels completely inferior and needs to do the same to you otherwise he fears you will leave him.
You have a bit of a mountain in front of you, but did you ever see the view from the top of a mountain, it's extraordinary. YOU CAN DO THIS! Go girl!

Ruth R

As hard as it is to hear, you need to be divorced from someone who verbally abuses you. I'm hearing in your story that you can't take of yourself when in reality you can. Your husband has you believing in all of his lies and manipulation of your marriage. You'll need to contact an attorney to see what they can advise you of. Good luck!

janiskatt

Abuse is abuse no matter how you look at it. You have some choices to make and cold hearted as it may be you had better wake up and see what's best for your children and to hell with your own personal comforts and money. Most abuse starts with words and all too often escalates from there. Go to this site and do some serious reading.
http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse.html
There are more women that take this crap because of fear than many people would ever dream about and fear of the unknown keeps them there. As the saying goes, been there and done that. I walked before I ended up a statistic (DEAD) and you had better be waking up at well, if not for yourself for your kids.

Froggie

Get a divorce...single moms are raising kids all the time. My mom was a single mom until I was 10 and she did a great job with me. Be strong and don't stay with him. Grow a back bone.

Minister of Peace

Get a lawyer to make appropriate financial arrangements and get a divorce.
Find a man who can love and appreciate you and your children.
You will make it! I'm proof. My husband left me with 2 small children, a ton of bills and a job making $1.60 an hour (a long time ago). And I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and now I'm financially better off than ever.
PS---we did eventually get back together and when he realized how independent I had become, I gained more respect and all the abuse stopped.
Have faith in yourself.

the moose

grow up fast..and give that man a much needed divorce. you and the kids need it

Simmy

DO you have any family on friends that will take you in till you can get on your feet? If so you need to tell them what is going on and figure out your escape plan now. Obviously this marriage isn't going to work. You need to be ready for a potential divorce whether your the one to file or he is.

Also have the two of you gone to counseling? You need to bring this up to your husband. Maybe even register the two of you to go and see if he shows up. I think it would be good also if you got some counseling just to let out stress and have someone to talk to. I wish you luck.

Kristine B

Go get a lawyer. You may have a lot more rights than you know. He may have to pay a large amount of support for you and the children. Just call a lawyer. Good Luck

NORTH WEST

You can live without him. It may take a lot of doing and you would actually have to be strong for yourself. Your "lifestyle" would be different for a while but given time, you will be happier without the abuse. Just don't fall into the arms of another user and abuser. I don't know what your situation is exactly, but women face this and worse and if they aren't killed by their men, they actually can make a very good life for themselves and their children. Not dealing with the stress will clear your head. Learn to live on your own before even thinking about being dependent on another man. It will be worth it. When you can find happiness within yourself and for yourself, that will make all the unhappiness worth having. Live and learn. You can do it. There are probably places in your community that will help you. Contact your county human services and just ask. Most places have people more than willing to help. Call an abuse hot-line. Mental health organization. Places like that. Ask for help!!!

midge

listen sweety dont take that s*** from no man u are not his robot get out of there asap take kids and seek some kind of help the kids will understand when they older enough and as for taking care of them u will do that far better without him before he turns on them next also think about what they seeing and hearing come on be strong best thing for those kids and u is to be happy u not babe so love or not get some advice from family and friends and dont let him do it he is brain washing u thinking u worthless and u know what u have allready made first move by asking on here so u recognise a problem carry it out babe and good luck i tell u what if u strong enough tell him to shove off and move out if he that unhappy selfish ungreatfull b******

lucygoosy2004

My ex-husband used to call me stupid and a crazy ***** because he was trying to control me. He didnt let me have a car, a cell phone,nothing. But I could have a job that I worked to support us while he laid around, doing drugs. When I finally did try to leave him, he wouldnt let me out of the house and threatened me with bodily harm if I did. I did make it out, thank God.He is an abuser,just likeyour husband.The abuse is not physically evident but the scars run very deep. He wont divorce you because he doesnt want to lose that control. You need to contact your local womans shelter. Even if you arent leaving now, they will give you some resources to help you.Also,puttingupwithabuse.com really helped me out too.Good luck to you.God Bless.

lisabug7777

It sounds like he's got you right where he wants to. An abusive personality likes to have control and they manipulate and make you feel stupid and like you can't do anything for yourself and that only he thinks you're pretty, blah blah blah, etc., etc., etc.
I was in a couple of abusive relationships and honestly, when you're in one you just can't see the whole picture or think straight. They make you think something's wrong with yourself. That you're stupid, retarded, have a "brain disease" of some kind or something, that you're incapable and make so many mistakes nobody would want you.
The list goes on.
It's all their way of controlling you and keeping you in their little box, because believe it or not, they're more insecure than you are.

I think what you need to do is get out. Sounds like you've put up with this for too long. Go to your mothers, a sisters, an aunts, a good friends until you get your feet on the ground, or go to a women's shelter.

He's not going to change and it makes no difference at all what you do, he'll be the same. It's NOT your fault, you are NOT to blame, you did NOTHING wrong, you can do nothing better to please him (you've done enough) so I would say do what you always dreaded: give up on him and leave him. He and your kids don't deserve this. He's dangerous.
The kids don't need to witness this treatment. They'll do the same thing to their spouses and kids cuz their dad did it. They'd be happier without him. Sure, they probably don't realize this, nor do you obviously, but take my word for it. Been there, done that.

Call some people you know for help and courage and a "push", cuz believe me, you'll need it.
Now be careful with him. If he knows you're leaving (don't threaten him, just DO it) then he might change for the worse, or worse yet, change for the better to convince you to stay until the next cycle of abuse comes around but only worse than before.

Good lucky, sweetie. I'm very sorry for the horribly pain you're enduring right now, but you CAN do it and you'll be JUST FINE without him!!

physandchemteach

I was in your shoes after 20 years of marriage. He had done a grerat job of destroying my self-esteem. I dind't think I was capable of handling anything on my own, much less with two kids depending on me.

Well, guess what. I own my own home, I have a great job, my 4 year old jeep is paid off, and my children are out on their own. It really can be done.

Here is what helped me get through all of that:

1) Get a lawyer fast and get a divorce. Yes, your life style will change, but my kids swear it was the best thing I did for them.
I had to rent a tiny house for us that was less than half the size of my old house, but we made it through.

2) Find counseling somewhere. I could not afford it, but I was lucky enough to read about a divorce support group that was sponsored by a local church. They had a one-time joining fee of $15, and I couldn't pay it. They accepted me anyway and several people donated a dollar or two to pay for my fees. They would have let me attend for free. I atteneded weekly meetings for two years before I was back to actually likeing myself.

3) Get involved with some type of community volunteer function. You feel better about yourself when you are helping others. There will be some where you children can help, too.

4) Find something special for yourself to do. If you always wanted to be a photograph, then join a photo club. If you like to sew, then join a sewing club. Get out and get involved with other people of all kinds. You will enjoy life this way.

I truly understand how you feel. You may contact me any time you need to talk about this.

mightyart

Are you serious? It is an insult to people that are abused to say that you are abused but staying for money. People that are abused are hurt and frightened and want to get away.
That's not to say that he's not mean to you, and to that I say, you are letting him treat you like trash. If you are scared of being broke, then you really aren't that scared. You can always work at Burger King or the Dry Cleaners if you can't get a job at an office or something. Once you get your confidence back, friends and fun will follow. You'll have to do some hard stuff first, though.
Also, if your husband works, you will 100% certainly get an order of child support - this will give you a small source of income, which is a leg up on a lot of folks in the world. Do you want to teach your kids to value materialism over their sanity and happiness?

theladylooking

In the first place no one should be that dependant on someone else, Ive been there, its scary, but you can make it, you have to be determined, And you have 2 kids, they see him doing these things to you, If you have boys, they may grow up to treat their wife like that, or a girl may grow up believing it is right for a man to treat her this way.Either way, it needs to stop, you tell him, and if that don`t work, leave him and get a job. YOU CAN DO IT. I DID

dappersmom

He will have to pay support for you and your kids until you get on your feet. Honestly I know it is scary but you will be amazed at how much better you feel when you aren't living like this anymore, you are also much stronger than you think you are...how much strength has it taken to live like this all these years? Call a domestic violence hotline, they can help you and give you someone to talk to, really its what they are there for. I know you can't see it now but I promise you this will turn out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to you in the long run. The life style isn't worth the price you pay for it, trust me! Personally I would rather be smiling and feel peace in a shack than be crying and screamed at in a mansion! You don't remember what its like not to live this way but once you experience it just for a little while it will feel like a 10 thousand pound weight has been lifted from your shoulders. You can do this, good luck to you, you will be ok! I've been there and I've done it...twice. After you survive the first one you find yourself much less willing to put up with crap and it feels great!!

spinininthemud

this is where i dont feel sorry for women like you. you are smart enough to know that life it has so much to offer,unless you are 500 lbs and covered in warts you should have no problem, sign the papers,you need to grow up for your kids because you cant help them if,something should excalate into say some one getting killed

berry

Get help from womens' group. Leave him.

latingirl0527

Leave, you deserve better. Don't let him tell you that you can't do it on your own, he's just manipulating you. Think about your kids and the fact that they have to live in that messed up situation. You and your children will be better off getting away from him. You say you are scared you won't be able to take care of your kids, but there are many women out there who do, you can too. As far as being alone is concerned, you won't be you'll have your kids. Staying with him because you don't want to be without a man is not a good reason for staying. There are good guys out there who are willing and able to treat a woman the way she deserves to be treated.

dreamgirl

Divorce him !!!

sunny

Try to accept what he is saying, because it very easy to break but very difficult to re build. He must have something that he know about you that is killing him inside, first solution then re action , pls don`t take quick decision

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