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My husband just hit me for the first time. What should i do?
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My husband just hit me for the first time. What should i do?

Ok, let me explain first. My husband and i have been married for 6 years. He has a bad habit of spending all our money for bills, so i have taken his name off all the bills and bank accounts. I shouldnt have to treat him like a child, but i dont want to be homeless.

This morning, for some reason he wouldnt tell me, he was acting differently. All of a sudden he wanted the money, "his money" he says, because he gets paid more. (My parents pay at least 1 of our bills EVERY month, because he keeps blowing his paychecks on cigarettes, etc.

He tried to take the money this morning, and i told him not to because his family should be more important. I tried to grab the money from his hand, and he back handed me i nthe chest and left a mark. This is the first time he has ever hit me before. He then slamed the front door, breaking the glass window in it, and drove off to work really fast. That is our only car.

I have no family in this state, and they all know the good side of him.
Additional Details
No, he spends the money that is supposed to be used on bills, not spending it for the bills


    




olderbutwiser
If you condone, or excuse his behavior, this first time, you are setting precedent for the future. You need to have him locked up, or the abuse will continue, and get worse as time goes on. Call the police!


alialoggi
He hits you, leaves you with no money and no car, and you think you should stay?


Tabby*
i didnt even read this...my husband hit for the first time what should i do? soon this will read
'my husband beats the **** out of me dailly. what should i do?'


Mo
You call the police and report this. The mark on your chest is enough to have this immature husband locked up and have time to think about what he has done. In the mean time, take your next paycheck and get out of that place and start a new life. He sounds very irresponsible and childish. Now that you know he is a wife abuser, you need to get away from him immediately. There are halfway houses and home to protect women just like you get a new start on life. The choice is yours, act now or forever be sorry you didn't. CALL 911 NOW!


jemmamomma
Rating
This is one messed up situation. His parents are helping to pay your way, he is blowing money all over the place, you had to take over as if he is a child and now he's hit you. Why are you together in the first place? I couldn't live like that.


Keith in SC
Leave it only gets worse from here, it's like a dog that bites,once it crosses that line there is no turning back. The next time he will hit you with a closed fist, it WILL get worse!


I've Got My Answer
Rating
Honey it sounds like your husband might have a drug problem......talk to someone, he may need help......


lulu123
Oh dear....leave him! Sounds like a bad situation going worse...DO NOT PUT UP WITH VIOLENCE EVEV ONCE!


brenny_boo
Rating
How desperate are you to have a man in your life???
Get out now - his behavior will only escalate


jamescherry04
Rating
it's time to get out not now but right now if he hit you once the next time is coming soon.


child4jc74
first of all you said he was paying bills with the money-i dont see the problem there. But as far as hitting you if you dont call the cops in and file a report on him just stick around he'll hit u again


ling
Rating
Girl trust me on this,he has done it once and will do it again.He has found a vent for his frustration,YOU.You should leave unless you want to wait until he hits you again.In the meantime, you will become progressively more submissive to try and stave off the next slap.This submissiveness will act like a cue to him to explode again and in his head he will firmly believe that you provoked him. In time you will start to believe this too and amend your behaviour even more to prevent a row.In the end he will only see you as a vent for his anger, no longer a person because you have laid down so low and he will be constantly angry at you because you also represent the worst side of him and are a constant reminder of how powerless he feels.You will become a reflection of his own insecurities and he will hit and hit rather than look into a different mirror.If you are lucky, you will get out before he kills you and/ or your soul.Already you have begun to feel isolated, unsure,unsafe and are thinking probably that you are trapped and will have to put up with him until you find a way out.The cycle has already started.Get out before it goes all the way around.


Yanda
It sounds like this could be the beginning of something bad. I would speak to him about it when he has calmed down and see what excuse he gives for his behavior - he may be in serious trouble financially i.e. gambling. He sounds like he needs help, I would suggest counseling.


my first and only love
Rating
i have one rule. any man who ever lay a hand on me, i will kick your butt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE KICK BUTT AND THEN KICK HIM OUT!


♥☆Mrs. Rose☆♥
Wow. First, are you OK? He sounds like a selfish control freak. You two need to sit down and discuss this. He is hiding something. Drugs? Who knows. He shouldn't need the $ so badly that he has to hit you for it. Don't let him get away with this. Tell him the next time he hits you like that, you will call the police. Sit him down and discuss budgeting. If you write all of your bills down on paper and he can see what kind of $ you two need to survive, he may realize that his spending is out of control. He needs to open up to you so you guys can figure this out. If he is not willing to do this, then tell him you arena;t going to pay the bills anymore and he can go without a place to live and food to eat. He needs to grow up and take responsibility.


ry ry
It seems like something is going on with him and I think it would be better if you got out now


oracleofohio
You pack up and take your kids somewhere. Period. Call your family and they will find a way to help you. He's not ready to be a husband or father.


Dizzy Dame
It sounds like the problem is more than just getting hit and him blowing all the money.

State very firmly to him that you WILL NOT take physical abuse anymore. Figure out what you need to do for your own safety. Have a back-up plan.

And this is advice that someone who works in a woman's shelter told me: Have a nest egg of money tucked away for emergencies, at least a couple of hundred dollars, so that if you need to get out fast, you can.


So I have to ask..
Rating
I know this might be a hard option to take, but leave!


N L
You should stick around and wait for him to hit you a second time, then a 20th, then a 45th....

Call the police, file a report, get a restraining order, and have someone take you to get your car. You don't EVER stay with someone who hits you. If he did it once, he'll do it again.


tropicaldiamondsweet
LEAVE HIMMMM!!!! hes nt worth ur time and u shdnt be caring for him like his a child ...u shd live ur own life n be happy!!


WVPV07
First of all, I am sorry you are experiencing this-no woman should ever have to experience being struck by a man, EVER. Now, run do not walk to the nearest councilor and get help. There are some serious issues in this relationship that need to be addressed. If he refuses to participate, maybe it is time for you to really think about a separation for a while, because if he has hit you once, he will hit you again. Good luck


Just curious
Any man who hits a woman is not a man. This is just a begining. Once he realizes there are not consequences he will continue doing. Teach him a lesson. Leave and don't take him back for a while( if at all). Send him to therapy if he wants you back in his life.


mdarlene76
Rating
Well I grew up with my dad abusing my mom for several years before she left him. If he hit you once he will do it again. If that is the kind of life you want then stay with him, but if not leave his butt. Call your family and ask them for help. No woman deserves to have a man hit them. Be strong and if you have children get them away from this situation.

Your husband is only thinking of himself. Now it's time for you to think of yourself and your children if you have any. Please ask your family for help because the next time could be worse .


Twizzle
First off, he has no excuse to hit you. 2nd, he is showing that spending the money that is supposed to go towards bills is so important that he would hit you to get to it.

If your parents are already helping you out with bills, then you are better off being on your own with your family's help to get back on your feet.

If you want to try and make the marriage better, he has got to want to do it also. You should suggest marital counseling.


ChimesOfWind
Rating
Get someone to come pick you up. A friend or family. Or get a taxi and get the hell out of there


lucylocket7258
There is nothing you can do about it., unless you press charges.. He should be mature enough, to never touch a woman but at the same time, the amount of your bills is driving him crazy. He feels like if he goes to work , he should be able to spend some of his own money,.Why don't you sit him down and see if you and he can sometime in the future, purchase another car, that way you can get a job and help bring money into the household. This will help the stress he is under, by goodness, he is doing it all. Please don't misunderstand me, that gives him no right to hit you. But he is under alot of stress and you should do everything you can to help him. Marriage means 50/50. . .Men get tired too and they could use a helping hand. .I sure hope things work out for you because if they don't, this incident will happen again. . .Money problems are the #1 reason for divorce in the country. If you don't find a way to change that, it wil happen to you too.


zoey1176
It sounds like a rocky marriage, try separating for awhile. He needs to put his priority's before play.


Gaviota
dump him he is a lost case and you dont love him you are scared to be alone but you are not alone god is with you


Silly Girl
Get out now. Don't allow him a chance to hit you again.


FlyingScooter
Rating
Hope you're okay.

First off, If this is the first time he's done this, let him know with all certainty that you will not put up with this.

You said he uses the money to pay bills, that's the part i do not get. You're supposed to pay those.

As far as cigs go, they are a huge addiction. (i know, been a smoker for 25 years.) I've gotten testy without them, but i never struck/shoved anyone over them.

This concerns me and makes me wonder if he has any other addictions that you may not be aware off. I knew someone who did Cocaine for a stretch and he lashed out at his wife that way, which is how she found out.

Good luck. Be firm.





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