My husband left me a month ago....?

He was involved in an accident, badly injured and was at home recovering. I was a great wife to him.. stayed with him in the hospital, worked to pay OUR bills and helped care for him during recovery.

As time went on, I started to feel I was being taken advantage of. He was at home all day recovering, yet I was getting forwarded calls from his dr's to schedule his appointments, yet when I came home from work I would find the kitchen a mess and food everywhere and beer because his friends were coming over to "hang out" but they were eating the food I bought and drinking beer with him. Anyway, a huge argument insued I told him its unacceptable to feed his friends and drink beer during his recovery while I am at work all day to pay everything. I told him I feel used and if he prefers to party and hang out all day with friends that are bringing him beer and doesn't want to take care of himself then perhaps he should recover at their house.

A day later, he left back to Italy to his family. They bought him a very expensive ticket (last minute) for him to fly there. He just up and left, never cancelled any dr. appointments, nothing... I was left here to fend for myself... pay all the bills still, including his, take care of our dog alone and pretty much take care of all his resposibilites while he is with family in Italy. I was/still am pissed off that his family would spend thousand of dollars for a flight to Italy rather than give money to me to help pay bills/rent/utilies/etc.

I feel like he just up and left me to take care of everything while he recovers with his mama... so I told him, marriage is sticking together through good and bad, and I can no longer trust him because when things get bad he leaves me....

Its been about a month now since he left... I am barely making it by, my phone has been turned off because I cannot pay the bill... I have emailed him bills that need to be paid in the hopes that maybe his parents could also fork over the cash to pay them... but to no avail.

He is now emailing me asking to come home... thing is, I feel so betrayed by him... I feel like completely used, he used me to take care of him in the hospital, pay his bills, then he just left me and went to Italy alone and just left me here to take care of all the responsibilities while he is with family... I feel so betrayed.

I told him its not right to just come home after what he did... what do you think? how would you feel? what would you do?
Additional Details
I rent... don't own.

Sue C

For sure he DID just up & leave you litterly high & dry! Not to even send you one cent the whole time he was away, his parents MUST have the funds, yet he still left you w/NO help whatsoever. This was VERY unfair of him to say the least! When you sent him the bills & reached out for help, he was NOT there for you, NO ONE was there for you. His family sure was there for him tho. This is truly unthoughtful & deceiptful against you to disregard you & your needs as he did do. He had his fun w/his friends while he was "recouping", AND ALL at YOUR expense, but he couldn't be bothered to come to your aid when YOU needed him! Now he expects you to welcome him with open arms? I feel that honestly takes a lot of nerve to do as he's asking just as tho nothing had transpired after all this time. He surely did just what he wanted, now he expects you do also as he wants. It just seems as tho he's a very selfish person to say the least, you're just the opposite. You gave your very best at all times & devoted yourself & your time & money to him when he needed it. I feel IF you're going to take him back, he surely should be able to get you ALL caught up on your bills & the expenses you need help with. This is the very LEAST he could do for you. I don't know IF you love him or not, but if you don't or question your feelings about him now, I cannot blame you. You MUST do what you feel is BEST for YOU at this point in time. Do NOT accept the unacceptable. You have no reason to. Do what you have to do for YOU. IF you DO love him, you're going to have to set things straight from the very beginning & he SHOULD comply w/your wishes...All the best to you...:)

Emy

Sorry to be so blunt, but you would be crazy to take him back!

He was selfish and unappreciative of all of the hard work you put into looking after him. He is not a child and acted completely immature in a time of hardship! It was not your fault that he was involved in a car accident, and although you can feel sympathy for him, he needs to get over it. You can't pity him forever. And what he did was completely unacceptable and you deserve so much better than that! You seem like a great woman with her feet on the ground and you don't need a man to knock you off your feet! You showed him that you would be by his side no matter what troubles come your way, and he couldn't do the same! DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK! You would make a great wife...for someone else! Someone who will appreciate you!

Good Luck honey!

ouragon

This is the same man who strangled you, right? I would feel lucky he was gone. You've been unhappy and abused a long time, and it's hard to get rid of an abuser,

I'd cut my expenses to the bone, take a second job, file those divorce papers you have and MOVE ON.

I would absolutely not let him come back. He will just start taking advantage of you again. He'll move back in and start living off of you again just like he was. He's not going to come back and magically be loving, helpful and financially helpful.

You seem so conflicted about this man. I know abused women go through that. I did. I've been very concerned for you for months, and I think you should take advantage of this opportunity to get rid of him.

Maybe some (usually free) counseling could help you strengthen your resolve to get away from this man. Call 800.799.SAFE for a local referral.

I wish you the best.

amazingly intelligent

Sweetie stick to your guns. The man is a user and his family upholds him in being less than a man. File for divorce under the cause of abandonment. Don't allow him back to pile on more bills. Bump him and his family. File for chapter 11 if you need to, but in this economy many companies will negotiate a payment plan. Move on with your life. He is irresponsible and doesn't deserve you. You can do bad all by yourself.

Pickle8182

Do you love him? I didn't see that in the whole page of explanation. Will you be able to forgive him and put it all behind you? Is he ready to get back to work and continue the things were before the accident? I know I am answering with more questions, tough ones, but if you answer them honestly, I think you will have your answer, and thus know what to do.

krystal272002

Hell no, don't let him come back, he is acting like an overgrown baby. Clean up the house, sell it or rent it out for income if its upkeep costs too much, if his name is on the title of the deed, then you can't sell it without his signing the papers, but you can rent it out to a family who will care for it and move yourself to a smaller place. Get a divorce and cite his irresponsible behavior in the petition and get on with your life. He expected way too much of you when you stood by him during his hospital stay and recovery period. Last I checked alcohol with pain meds is a bad idea if that is what he was doing.

It's a sure thing

I am so sorry for what he did. I am not trying to make excuses for him, but I was in an accident two years ago. I wasn't no where near as badly hurt as your husband. I broke my arm in 3 places including one fracture into my elbow. I had to have surgery - a metal plate and 10 screws put in to hold the bones together. It was very depressing. I couldn't go anywhere and was alone most of the day. I couldn't do the normal everyday things people take for granted, such as hold my son, brush my hair or bathe without help. Like I said, I don't want to make excuses for him, but do you think he could be depressed? Was he a good husband before the accident?

wilbur

i would ask him if the letters F. O. mean anything to him!! then i would file bankrupt include all his bills that your name is on and get yourself out of this mess--the ones that your name are not on but just his--i would give the creditors his address-so they can pester him and leave you alone-wish you the best of luck i know it will not be easy and will take time but be strong you CAN do it-

philihp

Take him back.

You were having to work, and take care of him and his friends, and felt taken advantage of. Sure. You said you didn't like it... so... what does he do? He goes home and lets his mother take care of him. You're no longer being taken advantage of. His friends aren't coming over and eating your food and drinking your beer. You have time to get everything back in order. He was just one less expense for you, because he wasn't working. He became someone else's problem.

Now that he's better, he wants to come back and help out. Now he can come back and work and pay bills. If you don't let him come back, you will be alone still.

It's not like he cheated on you. If anything, he made it easier. The only problem I see is that he didn't warn you he was going home, and that's just a communication issue which you can work on.

Shannon

I think he listened to you and did exactly what you asked of him.

You told him you are using me and I don' t like cleaning up after you and your friends. So he left to recover to be with someone that would do these things.

He's not making any money anyway, so he can't help with the bills.
By removing himself from the home he eased your burden.

He left without a word so you could not talk him out of it.

TRIXIE

i am broken hearted for you. i can only send you a hug here, because i don't know what to say.. i am sorry for your pain and turmoil.

Patricia

That's terrible. You will make up your own mind, but what he just did is very close to how he will always react when he feels up against it. He will leave, it's his way of dealing with things, running away like a child. Unfortunately he'll not change and don't make the mistake thinking that you can change him...this is how he is.

Run for your life...save yourself from this mamas boy...get a real man. You deserve one!'

GUERA33

I am very sorry that this happened to you but love is also about forgiving them for their faults. If you really love him and think he's your number 1 I would let him come home!

Aaliyah Hasina

I would be pissed off man! He had no right to do that! Try and work through it cos there are enough people using divorces as a way out. If you can't then...you know.

iheartamericaneagle07

I completely understand how you would be upset. But maybe he felt like you were turning your back on him when you suggested he leave while he was recovering.

I have no idea why he would just up and leave you for a month with only a days notice, that seems irrational, and especially leaving you with all those bills by yourself, what an ***.

BUT, as you said you are supposed to stick together during marriage. So many just throw away their marriages because things get hard and they don't want to clean up the mess.

I would feel very angry and upset and would feel like telling him to take a hike, BUT I would actually schedule an appointment for counseling. You need to work this out, hear his side of things, and find it in you to love him again even after what has happened.

EDIT: okay if he doesn't think he did anything wrong, then NO he is not allowed to come back. Furthermore, sell the house and get a place of your own, one that you can afford. Maybe a separation? He needs to come to his senses before he gets his wife back.

AKAO4D

I would tell him yes come on home. When he gets that settlement, I would demand and make sure I got half. And go straight to an attorney's office. This would be my version of the bad and the good. So many people here at M&D say stick out and be a doormat. I can't and won't do it. It ain't that much love in the world. There comes a time in life when you have to set boundaries for the people who are in your life. When that boundary is crossed I crossed them out of my life. I am not saying this is what you should do. I am saying to each his own.

Good luck with that... you deserve so much better...

freakboynv2008

nah, he needs to figure out what is important to him before he comes home.

Positive vibes

He's your husband. You were not doing him a favor by taking care of him. If he drank beer during his recovery so what? You gave him an ultimatum and he called your bluff and left. There's no point in him coming back to you, you obviously have no respect for him.

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