My husband told me tonight he isn't in love with me anymore.?

Adric S

Couple Therapy. ASAP.

Fight for your marriage woman! Don't make it easy on him.

Harvey

Marriage isn't romance, it's a commitment between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. If he doesn't want to be with you anymore, he's not committed to you. Try talking to him. One of the key factors that initially separates couples - is miscommunication, or no communication for that matter. Hit 'em up, see what's crackin. Go from there. Maybe you could hook up after, walk it out, let it rain.

That greek/mexican guy

wow im so sorry to hear your situation =[

sounds like to me that his fathers death is just eating him up inside, and kinda opened up his eyes. It sounds like he has dreams he still wants to pursue and maybe having a marriage is holding him back. I'd say if he truly loves you, he'll end up missing you and coming back to you.

Koshu

Love for a spouse doesn't suddenly come to a halt because your parent died. I think your husband got an inheritance. Find out through your local probate court. If he got a large sum of money, then he does want to ..do what he wants,,,when he wants,,,and he wasn't going to wait,,, and not share with you. Get an attorney.

to_tell_the_truth_2009

There is too much information you did not include. Such as, your ages, how long you've been married, have you two been struggling in your marriage, etc...
My immediate reaction is that he was looking for an excuse to leave you and go do his own thing, and found one. Sad that he'd use his dad's illness and death like that.
You might think he took his dad's death very hard and this is his way of dealing with it. I call shennannigans! My dad died very suddenly and it grieved me down to the core, but it NEVER occurred to me to leave my husband and go "do what I wanted, when I wanted" and not wait until after retirement! That's just a load of baloney!
Life isn't all about being selfish and forsaking all others (especially a spouse) to fulfill your own needs.
You asked what you can do...I guess give yourself a timeline to wait, and see if he doesn't come back to his senses, and grieve properly. After that specified amount of time, start planning your life without him.
I wish you well.

Parker

It's a tough time for him, but he is still your husband. You two need to see a counselor, together. Perhaps he can see someone on his own as well. Every marriage is worth saving unless there is abuse involved.

blllost

I'm Sorry But I think he's just scared Most people are affarid He's feeling lost alone and mostly that he could have some mistakes .You didn't say if he had others to lean on or if you where there for him when you loss aclose family member its as if you;ve been left with all this empty space to do what with sometimes its guilty that you didn''t do all you could. But I would say he is just affaried.. I am grying so hrad I can't see these keys well enough.Iv lost my glasses too. Please try hard to reach him not as a lover but as a friend Sometimes if its a patent you see your on death as well. thats something eles you have to deal with.

Annabella

I'm sorry to hear about all of this. Your husband is going through some extreme emotions over the death of his father & he probably just doesn't want to live his life with regrets. I don't know why he believes you to be something that's holding him back though. This could be a big wake up call for both of you. I think he'll come to his senses sooner or later. How long has it been since he left? When my husband's mom died of cancer I almost felt like he was trying to live FOR her. Things have settled down a bit now but it's always there. It's something that pretty much changed him forever.

bindysdogs

Sounds as if hubby is going thru real life trauma. He saw his dad pass away, and all of the sudden his own life passed before his eyes. His dad may have talked to him about his retirement plans and didn't live to see it thru. My hubby died during a surgery and of course brought back. After he was well, he didn't leave me, but he might as well have. He went straight to a Harley Davidson Shop and bought a Big Dog Chopper. Put us in debt 50 grand. He spent all of the savings as well as took out his retirement. He kept saying why save it, we don't know when we are going to go. He has settled down, we are basically starting over fianancially and yes he has changed and I just roll my eyes. I don't know if your hubby will come out of the shock of his dad's death and come back to the reality of life. I guess time will tell. I do feel sorry for your Hub...I don't know if there is a thing you can do but wait it out. Good Luck to you both

I'm sorry Dave.â™¥

Get therapy sweetie.

AMUSE ME

losing a parent is very emotional and sometimes they don't/cant recover from it..you go numb,your mind plays tricks on you and you get so sad and depressed.if it's worth it to you give him so space. tell him you will wait,but wont wait to long to figure it out,because you may be gone and it may be too late..i lost my dad last nov.2 dyas before thankgiving,and frankly i have felt all those emotions and was/ is still very sad.i almost gave up my relationship for it

hope

Either he is traumatized and grieving really hard or he has wanted to take this step for a while but didn't because he didn't want to upset the rest of the family.

I am sorry that this has happened to you and you really should be together in times like this.

Hope it is only because he is grieving and some people grieve in many different ways

Joy

Give him some time, he is having a difficult time over losing his Dad. A lot of people think that way after someone has passed. I think he still loves you, one can not turn love on and off. Just give him some time and he will soon realize that he is just over reacting to things.

rabbit4041

Sounds like he's in a panic because maybe his father lived his life without fulfillment and didn't do all those things he wanted because of other responsibilities (ie. family, finances, work). Life has just become something that is not going to last forever so make every day count.
Did he really say he isn't in love with you or did you assume that's what he meant? In your marriage, do you make it a point of doing things that fulfill lifetime dreams (ie. go skydiving, travel somewhere exciting, make love in a field of clover)?
Talk to him and start planning something that fulfills a dream. Good Luck to you both.

The Fat Man

All is not lost.
Pray and have faith that he'll grow out of his juvenile man tantrum.
We all deal with death differently, especially when we are forced to face our own mortality.
He may need help dealing with it.

Missy Moo

It sounds like he is freaking out about his own mortality and things that he feels he may be missing out on.

Ask him what he is thinking and what you can do to help, tell him you understand but he is hurting you greatly.

SCOTT

Although it's understandable that he's upset about his father, he is really acting like a child. It probably has nothing really to do with you so hang in there. He's just looked at his mortality for the first real time and that's a you know what for a man. Sorry he's taking it out on your marriage. If it's worth it to you, hang tight because he will come back in his own time. He better hope his beautiful wife is still there!

Sally

Men can be so self centered. They justify it and expect women to embrace it.

I allowed my husband to make unreasonable,self serving demands, and he took advantage. He took everything,blamed me, and I started over with nothing. He had reasons and I was sympathetic.

I was forced to rebuild with nothing, He squandered everything we had, he cheated on me, spent our family money, and left the children and I with nothing.

He was distraught and I fed into it. As a woman, I had to step up, rebuild for our children and I, without any support or consideration.

He sounds like a wimp with an excuse rather than a plan. Have him step up and show the children what a man is made of. Once a man has a family they become the priority. He can become anything he wants to be so long as he provides for his family as he struggles to achieve.

Good luck!

I luv my kids

We lost my husbands father two years ago. I think counseling would be helpful in your situation. If he won't go then you go alone. If you call Hospice they offer free counseling for a year after the death of a loved one. Trust me on that, we lost our son, then our father. After the year, they work on a sliding scale. So give them a call. They can help.

Hold em Rox.

Sounds to me like he is being wayyy Selfish! It's ALL about HIM and HIS Wants.

Did he ever stop and think about Your wants?

I can understand him needing some time to grieve, but what he's doing is freezing you out. (his other half/ Partner in life!) I would suggest couples counseling and grief counseling for him.

I also suggest that you not just lay down and take it, you might have to fight for your marriage, be ready and prepared for it!

~~~edit~~~
Koshu brings up a very Valid Interesting POV, that kind of thing happens ALL the time! Watch your back, and keep a look out. If he doesn't come to his senses, at least find out what the real reasons were that he left.

Empathy

Depends, if YOU love him, you can fight for him, but only for a time and then move on and take care of yourself. If he didn't treat you well, if you have often wished you weren't with him, or if you ever thought you'd be better off without him, thank him and move on.

In God We Trust

Grief is NOT easy to know. It is customized to each situation. Now, if you regard yourself as being significant, you must let him 'go free.' You must 'pick yourself up and be uplifted.' When he looks over and sees that you are fabulous and NOT someone who is just waiting on the sidelines, he will change for the better. You are not an OLD DUST MOP sitting in the corner. Let him see how you feel about yourself. Believe me, he will not want to lose you. I understand how hard this is for your husband. I also emphatize with you. My dear, you don't have to wait for anyone to do anything BEFORE you go into action. I am not Catholic, but I do believe in the power of the Novena. You know that it takes 9 days of the constant same request. This would be followed by 9 days of 'thank you' to God for fulfilling your request. Whatever you ask for, must be for 'good.' I also believe in the strength of Psalm 35 to (Plead My Cause) - It is a long-winded, worthwhile psalm that will have continuous great impact on your life. You must ask for what you want and be sincerely appreciative ahead of time for God's interception. Remember this, What shall we then say to these things? If GOD be for us, WHO can be against us? - Romans 8:31 The Lord daily loadeth us with BENEFITS, even the GOD of our salvation. Selah. - Peace!

steve

your not alone my wife lost her father and brother and she said the same thing.

johnbenn_2000

Get over it fast, there are a lot of men out there that would love to have you in there lives. Kick the bum out. Change the locks and get an order of protection. Seek alimony and get a legal aid lawyer.

Calamity Jane

I am sorry you are having to go though this. I have heard men can get very hateful when grieving. When my husbands father died, we were apart for a month. He had to go out of state to be with him before he died. But after, I don't think he was thinking clearly.
Give him some time, but let him know how much he means to you.
Hopefully he will come around.

cilkycoconut

I'm so sorry, that must hurt so badly! He may not mean it, and is just in a really hard time in his life, or maybe he really isn't in love with you anymore. If that's the case, you should be grateful that told you now instead of in five years or longer. either way, let him know that you still love him and if he wants back in, you'll be there, and then give him more space. Wait around for a while and if he really seems done, try to move on. Definitely lean on all the friends you have- they're your best bet for getting through this.

Again, I'm terribly sorry. Even if he doesn't want you anymore, somebody will

Wonders

Your husband is coming to terms with his own mortality and grieving the death of his father, you can understand in part why this can lead some people to irrational action.

I am not sure there is any magic words you can say or good deeds you can do to make him suddenly change his mind.

As you have been, continue to verbally support him but also let him know how he has hurt you. Don't bring it up it every time you talk with him or dwell on it when you do.

If your calling him everyday, stop. It'll be hard but you need to break the cycle of being dependent on him.

In the meantime you need fill up your time and start taking the steps to feel good about who you are and take care of yourself.

Reconnect with old friends, explore new hobbies, eat healthy, exercise, and go out on platonic dates with other men.

Give yourself 30 to 45 days of "me time" and gage how you feel about yourself and this situation.

I wish you all the best

wendla

couple therapy the grieving period is painful and he maybe will need therapy on his own

Lola

I'm suprised he didn't lean on you during this time? It looks like he made up his mind, unless you talk to him you'll be saying goodbye forever.

nikolai

I think he may just be going through a tough time dealing with his fathers death. It's not only a huge loss but it may have scared him a bit. I'm sure that once he starts to cope with things that the two of your relationship will improve. Maybe you should try talking to him about where the two of you stand. Hope things get better!

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