My husband wants a baby but I'm not ready?

shy2008

You love him, you've told him that. It's unfair for him to say you don't love him if you don't have a baby now. Make him understand where your coming from. You shouldn't be put in the spot to have to choose. You're young, plenty of time for a family. Don't get pregnant until you are ready..point blank. You are the one that will provide 90% of the childcare, regardless of what your husband might tell you. Make him understand. Hope this helps....

johnb693

It's very easy for a man to say he wants a child, it's no big deal for him is it. Assuming that he will be there, and helping you raise the child, the one it affects more, is always the mother. Especially, giving birth and perhaps breast feeding the child.
Raising a child, is not easy, and as any parent will tell you, expensive, so it's a very life changing event.
There are rewards, as we all know, but this isn't something you just do, for the fact, your Husband would love to have a baby.
Even worse, that he's trying to guilt you into having one. And at your age, you still have many baby bearing years to go.
If you were to have a baby, you weren't ready for, that could lead to big problems for the whole family.
Tell him to get off your back and when you are ready and willing, and have the desire for a child, then, and only then, will you consider it.
If he keeps this up, he may find himself, going back to live with his Mama again. He needs to grow up.

Alice W

You should stand your ground and tell your husband that its your choice. Tell him to understand that you want the baby of yours to be loved and not resented because thats what will happen if you have a baby just for him. Good luck to you.

China Doll 3

No one should have a baby if they are not ready, it is not fair to bring it in the world that way.

Supernatural Girl

not being ready does not make you bad. but i would do a bit of soul searching... figure out at what stage in your life you want to try to have a baby. then maybe your hubby will be willing to wait a bit longer without making you feel so bad.

Candycorps

No you can love your husband and not want to have a child. Don't let your husband talk you into having a child until you a ready because its likely you will be the one taking care of the child the majority of the time. Men often want children when they know their wives will be the one doing most of the raising. Wait until your ready and not a minute before.

Kristiane-Cubical ninja

Your desire or lack thereof to be a parent at this time has NOTHING to do with loving him, please do not fall for emotional blackmail.
A child is a huge undertaking and both parents should feel like that is what they want to do ahead of time. Not have one feel like they only did it to please the other. That isn't fair to the child or the parent. Studies (recent ones) have shown that 90% of marriages have a severe decrease in overall satifaction from having a child. Now it didn't say how long it takes to come back or for what percentage it doesn't. But bottom line, if you go into it only doing it for him, when things get hard, you will feel resentful and they will get hard. Babies are wonderful but they are so much work and expense.
You are 23, you have plenty of time. Take some of it and tell him that if he loves you he wouldn't try to pressure you into something so huge.

Ria S

if he loves u he will respect ur wishes and wait

Jas B

Do not give in to this pressure. Having a baby means changes to all aspects of your life and it would be a huge mistake to do this before you are ready. There is far more to being a parent than playing with someone else's baby.

Why is your husband so eager to push you into doing this, it seems very selfish to use coercion and to suggest it means you do not love him, it shows very little regard for your feelings and wants.

You are after all still very young, the average age British mothers have their first baby is 29.7 years old. If you were telling him that you never wanted children I could understand him being upset but his behaviour to me seems self centred and shows that he is more concerned about what he wants now than either what is best for you or any baby you might have before you felt ready to take on the life changing role of being a mother.

Maybe you could ask the parents of his niece to have him to stay for a week and take over the baby's care including the night feeds, nappy changes bathing, feeding etc. plus of course their washing, cleaning, shopping to show him exactly what being a parent involves.

bandaid_46

I don't know if you love your husband or not, but you definitely aren't ready to stop partying and start being a mother.

The issue of whether/when to have babies is something people should talk about in a serious way BEFORE they get married. Since it is too late for that, you and your husband need to do it now. It isn't fair to him to just keep putting him off indefinitely, and it isn't fair to you to be pushed into having a baby you don't want at this time.

leslie

Love shouldn't consit of conceiving a baby.
His mom will constantly blame you for negleting the child if you have it now, try explaining that to him.
Sit down and really talk to him, he's not he one who has to leave work for months, grow a belly, or breast feed there is a lot involved in raising a child including income.
good luck to you

Lady

Not loving or loving your husband is not the issue here. You know when you are ready to have a baby and your husband should respect that decision. Wouldn't he rather have a baby when both of yous are ready instead of just one spouse? There is a possibility of bitterness with the baby if this baby is brought into a marriage of only one parent ready. I think you and your husband need to talk about deeper feeling here and what's best in the bringing of a newborn.

Minuz1One

It's not that you don't love your husband, you just haven't accepted the fact that you are "married" and now it is time to start focusing on settling down and start making a family. I understand that you love your job and you don't want to leave your baby at daycare, but answer this, when will you be ready to do that. Some time or another, the baby will be in daycare eventually. There is a movie, "Not Easily Broken" I suggest that movie to you, it is close to the same situation you are in...I'm not saying give everything your husband wants to him, I'm saying a marriage is compromise and sacrifice. Don't forget to get that movie and then maybe you will know where it can lead...

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