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My husband wants me to go back to work. I dont want to, what should I do?
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My husband wants me to go back to work. I dont want to, what should I do?

Before I had my first child my husband told me if he ever made $100,000 or more a year that I wouldnt have to work. Well we have a 4 yr old and a 12 week old now and i want to stay home with them. Mu husband insist that have a job still. Even though he makes $150,000+ a yr. And anytime I buy anything he makes some rude comment about how I am not the one earning the money so I should not be spending it. Am i wrong for being upset?


I don't think he should be making you feel bad with those hurtful comments. You are raising the kids and if he is making that kind of money then he should not have a problem with waiting until the kids at least reach school age before you return to work. I know you had an agreement but once the kids go to school FULL time then what will you do? You can still work part time in between their school so that you don' t have to pay for daycare. You would spend a good portion of your earnings just to send them to daycare if you go back now and then what would be the point????

Pinky, if he is making $150,000 and up that is more than plenty for your family to live on. I am in that category and know how nice it can be to have the extras. Your husband should be happy that you want to care for the kids. What is the point of letting strangers raise your kids if you can afford to care for them youselves. Good luck with your husband. The two of you may need to work through this in counseling.

Yes...this is your house and your responsiblites too. He is feeling like all you want him for his is money and if you refuse to go to work you are just saying to his face..Hell No..I' just want you for your money.. It doesn't have anything to with income or work..it has to do with him feeling like you are taking him for granted.

Why don't you start up a side business on ebay then? Show him you are bringing something into the relationship. Something is better than nothing and show him you can work at home and take care of the kids.

Have definitive reasons for your not wanting to go back to work and what you want to do. Also ask him what are his reasons for wanting you back @ work. If it isn't a financial strain on the family then he should support your decision in whatever you choose to do.

First of it depends how you live? Are you stretched? if not then I would ask him where he wants the money you earn to go. Then depending on your education either get started with it or finish your education so you can make good money, and use your money for your wants, as long as the bills are paid. The household must come first, or it will be the first thing you lose.

Hope this helps

Kevin J
You do have a right to be upset, but rather than get mad at him, look into daycares in your area and get prices from them, then show him how mcuh it will cost you per week for daycare, usually around 200 for 2 kids, he may change his mind about you working if he finds out he will be paying about $12000 a year for daycare plus the added expense of a vehicle for you, gas and insurance for that vehicle, new clothes for you to wear to work, and then remind him that if you are working, dinner will not be made for him when he comes home, that he will have to start sharing the housework and cooking with you as you will be unable to do it all if you are working. I dont think it will take him long to change his mind. Good Luck

Kari R
Tell him you will start working. Then work nights, when he is home, and he can work days while you are at work. You two will hardly ever see each other. It may change his mind.

growing inside
Why does he want you to go back to work? Do you have financial problems... in that case you may have to go back to work unless you can drastically cut your spending. Maybe he is stressed out from working too many hours or jealous of the time you get with the kids... you can suggest he cut back on his hours and you will get by on only $100,000/ year.
One thing to help convince him is calculate how much you would spend in daycare, transport, extra taxes etc if you went back to work and how much money would be left over. He may be shocked at how little it will be.

Mr. JW
I dont know if you are wrong in being upset. However, I can also understand his point too. Look at it this way. With the way so many of you ladies act and the stuff you pull so often, why should a man wish to have his women stay home. Let her work and contribute. That way if you decide to pull the I am woman bit, it is known that you are capable of earning for yourself and can only bilk him to a certain extent. Think about it. If you look at a lot of the questions on here, think of so much that you see women pull, you have to admit, this is a legitimate point.

Nancy Kay
Well, he's breaking your deal...how can he do that? You need to sit down with him and work this out...counseling if needed, but he agreed to support you while you raise his children, and he's making 50% more than the deal limit...he better have a good reason for wanting to change the deal...it's not like you are sitting home doing nothing for the family!!!!!

I would be upset too. Your children should be first and foremost. Many families have less then 150k a year and find a way to live nicely and the mother stays home with the children.
I happen to be one of those moms, I believe my kids are safer and better off with me at home then with a day care or school program. Plus for two kids in full time daycare can cost 800 plus dollars a month.
Sit down with your husband and find out why he feels it is so important for you to work. Then give him facts about how much better it is for a parent to stay home with their children then to have a stranger bring them up.

Does he know how much he would have to spend on a personal chef, maid, taking his clothes to the laundromat, not to mention child care providers? Being a stay at home mom doesn't earn you a paycheck but it sure saves him a heap of money!. It sounds as if your husband and you could benefit from some couples counseling. It could be that he is jealous of you being able to stay home while he is out "earning" the paycheck. He might see you as having it "easy". A good therapist will get to the bottom of his problem and help you two to work thru it. Contact your health insurance company for referral to a good marriage or couples therapist. Good luck and God Bless.

Ummm stop buying so much stuff and you wouldnt have to work with that kind of money.

Maybe you spend so much he cant keep up with you. So now he wants you to work to support your expensive lifestyle.

My man makes over 100K but we both work- full time...of course, my kids are not babies anymore, but they are still kids!

Darla M
Hi, I think you need to sit down and have a talk with him and tell him that you feel your job right now is to raise the children while he is at work and tell him how much you resent him saying those things to you about spending money. A relationship is not just one sided like that and point it out to him that you do the housework, dishes, laundry, etc. and if he was to hire a maid...he would be paying her a lot more than what you are probably actually spending of "his" money!
Good luck!

I don't make half that and my wife stays at home with our kids, I (and she)would rather our children be educated and nurtured by my wife then a babysitting service, that out weighs any income she could make in our opinion. Once the kids are old enough she plans on going back to work or school, her choice. Then again I am old fashion and believe it is my responsibility to put bread on the table.

your husband need's to understand your kid's is too young especially the 12 week old to go to work you would miss membories of your baby when they are grown if you put them in daycare no your not wrong for being upset you should least wait till the baby is about 2 years old before going to work

do not be upset but do not leave your infant with anyone else, what is wrong with him? you are the mother, it is your job, right at home is your job, too bad you two don't know the bible, God tells the woman to be the keeper of the home, her most important job is her children. I think Titus; 2;5
anyway it isnt about long dresses and long hair --lol--but about being a 100% mother and homemaker.Trust me dear, a lot of women are envious of you.

Start a dating service and act as the madam...see how he likes the competition then!

Tell him how much daycare costs for two children and then see what his position is.

john l
Yes you should be upset about the rude remarks. Second a part time job would not hurt you either.He may make the 150,000.00+ know. What happens if he dies tomorrow, the insurance may cover some of your expense, more than likely you will need to work again. This way you already have a Set income of your own to fall back own. Most companies will hire part time over full time employees. Then again he may just be an *** who wants all the money he earns.

that depends on why he wants you to get a job, because it wouldnt make sense for you to get a part time job somewhere to make some extra money you would be paying more to send your kids to daycare than you would be getting paid, i do understand where he is coming from though could you imagine working and having him spend the money just talk to him and see what the reason is that he wants you to go back to work

Java Jive
he is probably sick of giving you an allowance. but you both need to work this out. someone has to compromise

Monty L
Get a job and earn your own money then there won't be a PROBLEM.

I'm married and in three weeks my wife will be quitting her job to become a stay-at-home mother. This is something *I* want, however I still told her the following...

Even though I can "afford" to have you stay at home with the kids, it does not mean you are entitled to and should I decide we need the extra money, I would like to know that you'll return to work.

Note that does not mean "need" the money, it's completely subjective to how I feel about it. As proud as I *think* I'm going to feel by being able to provide for my family if, for any reason, I start to get upset of resentful about the finances, I will send her back to work.

Not so much for her to earn the money - because in all honesty she'd barely clear the cost of day-care on her current salary - but simply because it's a lot harder to get those feelings when the person is contributing something.

What you should really do is think about what he's trying to tell you by asking you to get a job. He's asking you to get "back on his side" and right now the easiest way to prove that would be for you to start working again.

I'm sure there are other options but simply getting upset because he's asking you to help him financially definately isn't helping. Maybe you could help work the finances and slim down on some extra expenses so he doesn't feel like his money is being stretched to the limits.

If you need the money, you need the money, i'm sorry to say but i think you might need to go back to work...money doesn't grow on trees, and i'm sure that you want your children to have a happy life style...and to have enough money after retirement for yourself....but maybe you could become a helper at a school so then you have the same hours as your kids.

hope this helps...sorry if i was sounding mean, but its the truth.
you gotta work hard for a happy life...

You should go to work, maybe he doesn't want all the financial burden to be on his plate... Many wives spend up more more and he has to work hard for it... I think it you get a part time job or give him a blow job everyday before he goes to work one of the two will probably appease him.. No reason to stay at home once the kids are school aged ... If he's making comments like that and it is his money... You may end up putting yourself at risk for an affair and resentment to build... I make a lot of money and there is no way I'd accept a stay at home dad... I have two friends who lost their husbands behind this crap... One is still trying to find someone else to take care of her, living off his child support... It's very sad... Get a job he's not your parent he shouldn't have to pay for your keep... Another thing he's making comments like that in 10 years you may wish you worked when his hid all his money and leave you for a well educated working gal... just a thought... Or you can just stay home and be lazy and keep building up distance in your marriage...

OMG people.... I can't believe some of the logic here. The traditional family has pretty much gone the way of the dinosaur. It doesn't matter how much he makes....if he is willing to be an equal participant in the rearing of the children then do the world a favor and get a job. This sense of entitlement that I hear over and over is sickening.

OMG people.... I can't believe some of the logic here. The traditional family has pretty much gone the way of the dinosaur. It doesn't matter how much he makes....if he is willing to be an equal participant in the rearing of the children then do the world a favor and get a job. This sense of entitlement that I hear over and over is sickening.

We're on the same boat, my husband owns a construction company, he wants me to go to work, I have six month old twins. I can feel that he finds it unfair that he is the one working hard and I am enjoying being with our kids, he is jealous of the time I have with them. Such short minded people..... They don't realize that being a stay home mom is a very tiring job. I salute men who appreciates the work that their wife does at home when they are away.

Sounds as though you may have married a narcissist. There is alot to be said of women that dont want to miss out on raising their own children. Your children will not get any sort of love from a daycare center. You only get one chance to raise them and see them grow up and it goes by fast. Men with narcissistic traits do not want anyone touching their money and do not consider anyone entitled to do so but themselves no matter how much they make You are his wife and those are his children and it will make a huge difference for you to raise them with love and caring than to have them in a daycare. Stick to your guns, he makes plenty for the family, and most families live on way less. Whatever happened to traditional families where husbands didnt mind the wife being home to be there for everyone when needed. Children love this and it is good for them.

Robert DeBeaux
Clearly, he needs to be reminded of the conditions agreed upon between the two of you. Your current job by agreement is to maintain the house and raise the kids. That is a VERY tough job. His job is to provide, but he also takes on your responsibilities. Do you releive him of any of his? Most men are in a paradox of their own making; Should I make a living to give my wife and children everything they want? Then they never see them. Or, should I be a part of my family's life? Then he can't give them everything they want. It is such a tight rope, most men run away from the responsibility. In this case, he most likely can not take time off. So he sees and inequality: (real or imagined) it is real to him. You are holding to your agreement. Have you ever said: That not what I meant? Get a baby sitter and go out for dinner. Find out what you are not telling each other. Before you are honest with him, be honest with yourself: are you expecting a little too much and it is stressing him out? remember, if he loves you a simple suggestion is like a command to him. I mean, if you are watching TV and you say you really like that (whatever), to him it is an imperative to make you happy. So he strives to get it. Are you being realistic? Is he? Do you show disapointment if you do not get what you want, are you being fair about it? All of these little things are on top of the day to day stuff that stresses the two of you out. If he is bringing in $150,000 then in his mind he is doing his job but feels he is doing better than his job and may want to see that extra 50% in your efforts. Think about it.

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