My husband was unfaithful to me and had an affair with my cousin but i need to stay for my 2 kids sake.?

ladylady4470

What you like teaching your kids it is ok to be in a marriage that is unhappy and filled with mistrust? That's all you are doing by staying. Oh and good luck on him not cheating again cause you already proved he can cause you are going to stay for the kids....Sorry

smileycathy

You don't need to stay for your kids sake i would know when my parents got divorced i was very happy it was the best decision my mom ever made

runzwsizorz

I am sorry you have to deal with this kind of hardship in your life, you sound like you really want to do what is best for your kids, but honey, staying with him is NOT NECESSARILY the best choice! Especially if your kids have any inc ling that the situation took place, then you would be showing your children that it is okay for someone to hurt you like that, and with your cousin!! NOT COOL! If your life is miserable right now your not really doing anything good for your children! They need you to be happy, YOU need you to be happy! Yes divorce may not be the best answer but it should be a consideration if you ask me!! Good luck!

cristine d

Forgive him!

Kimberly W

This is a devastating blow to you. But keep your focus and stay strong for the sake of your children. Do you want to work on your marriage or are you only thier for the sake of the children?

Klingon

Leave & bring the kids with you.You can go to a shelter for now.They will help you with EVERYTHING ELSE !
He WILL have to pay you child support.Call your local crisis centre. You will eventually feel better about yourself , once your away from him.

Josh

seek another guy to show him what u can do

TeggieMcG

Staying for the kids is a joke... it's not good for your kids to be around you and your husband when you are miserable. You would be a better mother and more healthy on your own. He's not worth it... hopefully, he can still be a good dad even if you aren't together. Get real and leave him. He'll hurt you again!!

white b

sorry, pls talk to ur husband abt ur kids. if there is elder relative consult abt that as u like.talk to lady also!. if do feel better. get some proof for illegal attachment of ur husband!.go to women welfare association, consult layer and
apply for divorce.add that the no pure white in mind in the world. if he changed that attitude, be with him for ur kids sake!
otherwise go with divorce with evidence!.

RAMAN IOBIAN

YOU CAN ENJOY WITH THE HUSBAND OF YOUR COUSIN

Mama~peapod

Are you staying with him for financial reasons? if you are staying for the kids then don't do you think the kids don't know something is wrong with their parents?

Ask him to leave or to go to marriage counseling to sort out this mess, as regard to your cousin, you should cut her out of your life. If you know he is going to carry on cheating throw his butt out of the house, followed by his clothes in a trash bag cut into all small pieces! (great therapy)

Remember you are a good mom and worth more than a scum bag like that!

jade

I don't think it's good reason to stick into marriage for the sake of the Kids...your kids will knew it someday and you will just feel miserable. Live your life. Remember that you can only give love if you love yourself.

Jim C

It is indeed miserable.To come out of this, you need to make yourself strong.

Try to build attention around kids and your own development.
Practise yoga which will definitely show you way out.

It is not necessary for you and your kids to stay with your husband. They must know reality of their father at the same time your husband should also be deprived of the kids for what he has done.
If you separate from your husband, you'll be able come out of it of trauma with less difficulty. Otherwise those thoughts will keep lingering in your mind.

mr.pattersonfromkc

this is from a man you dont need him for the children sake that an excuse he broke the contract by being untrue and not even smart enough to do it outside the family so to me i think you need a new start forget him as for as a husband ,he will always b part if the kids life one way or the other ,that is freely or court-order get back your peace of mind first

BDG

Seriously, it ought not have happened, and yet it has. Non-seriously, why they say sali is half-gharwali. Practically, try to sort out tactfully to make both of them realise the grave mistake and wrong example-setting for the kids.

irenevmk

Oh dear. What a mess. I am not sure that you can just continue like nothing happen. I mean. You are understandably very upset, and it's not going to get better by you ignoring this problem. If you push reality out the door, it will crash in through the window. Make sure your husband knows you found out and he agrees to counselling and working on fixing your marriage. There is no easy solution to this. It's a process, and if you think you can go on with your life pretending all is well, you will have a nervous breakdown, and what will your kids do then?
You have rights. Even if you get divorced he has to support you and your children. It's the final option if all else fails, I am not suggesting you divorce him just yet, but you must deal with this issue as soon as you can, so you know your options and figure out where to go from there.

Richard B

Are you in Asia, more specifically in the subcontinent? Sadly your choices of packing and leaving is very restricted. Your husband sounds like a bit of a pig and don't put it past him that it would not happen again. As for your cousin ..... I suggest go for it and split. There's a brand new life waiting for you....you seem a very articulate and intelligent person, I am sure you will given time land on your feet. PS I actually don't believe a word you have said, and just like you I too am playing along! All the same good luck!

justmeandcaring

staying for the kids sake is not a good answer

it will be worse for them if they are raised in an unhappy home

Savannah's Mommy!

you are teaching your children that it is alright for a man to be unfaithful to his wife...your husband is a cheating pig and he does not deserve to be given another chance especially if he is not remorseful for what he did...if you stay with your husband it is because you wanted to stay do not say that it is for your children because the best thing for your children is to know that their mother respects and loves herself enough that she would not stay with a man who cares so little about his wife and his children that he would have an affair with another woman without regard for how it would affect his family

donna_honeycutt47

First of all, Never stay because of the kids. In the long run it will affect your kids in a bad way. They can tell when Mom and Dad are unhappy. You seem to Love your Children alot, and want to do what is right for them. You do not say if you work outside the home or not. If you do not have a Job, get one and save some money and take your kids and leave or even better, go see a Lawyer and based on the fact he committed Adultry, the Lawyer will force him to leave and pay you Child Support and Alimony. Each State id different, so you really need to go see a Lawyer. Consultation is Free, and he will advise you the Necessary steps to take. Do not stay in a Miserable Marriage. It is not good for you or the Children. As far as your Cousin goes, I hope you Kicked her A** good but realistically be a better person than she is and NEVER have anything to do with her again. I wish you and the Kids the best. You deserve to be Happy, but you have to work for it Now. Go see a Lawyer, Get a Job and get on with your Life...

connie p

I can tell you that my sister stayed in her marriage because of her children and it was the worst thing she could have ever done. She has been miserable for 20 years and has never had to chance to feel or give real love. Thus the children learned the same. they also learned dis functional! Because the marriage was unhappy the family was unhappy!! Their lives would have been much better had they separated. I can tell you I got a divorce and we did so without attorney
s and without fighing. It is possible. You need to do that to have a good relation for the children and so they are not used as pawns between the two of you. Sometimes it's better to cut your losses and walk away nicely or amicably i should say. Good Luck to you all!!

myhoneylips2002

For your kids sake? Or are you afraid to leave him behind and take your children with you. He cheated on you with your cousin (some cousin), and you of all people want to stay? (you're trippin) tell him to leave and continue to pay the bills, and support..let him leave with her..

Why let him stay, he cheated...stop using the kids as an excuse to stay with him...he didn't think about them when he cheated on you!

Don't make it too easy for him either...why should you be miserable? Let him take the kids from time to time, hell he made them too!

There is no excuse to take him back..Don't be that weak! Slowly but surely, move on..divorce attorneys are listed in the yellow pages chica..so let your fingers do the walking..and your lawyers do the talking..

ya feel me?

thachu5

It is sad to know that your marriage has turned out this way, but this is life, it comes with all the uncertainities. Your post surely expressed how miserable you are feeling right now, being unhappy is a sure signal for you that you do want happiness. Happiness is to be worked on. It just does not come along. You clearly come out as a dependent person, you dont want to make changes hence blame the kids for not taking action. Once the kids are gone whos sake is it going to be, perhaps you will find another excuse, i put up with all this for so long for the sake of............i will stay.
People who are scared to take responsibility have a chain of excuses, change can be scary, because it needs change in the way you see things, it is challenging, people may not support you, you will be breaking some of the norms of the society, you will be falling short of the expectations of your elders, but eventually it s your life, and how you want to lead it.
In being in this relationship, you are role modeling to your kids that its is good to put up with all the nonsense, you are teaching them to be passive, and tolerant of all the nonsense of the significant people in their lives.
You are preparing them to be unhappy for the rest of their lives. Why is it that you want to be the way you are? Dont you want to be happy? How can you live with a man you betrayed your trust. If you are going to be the way you are you are also tell your husband that you will remain silent and that he can continue to do what he wants to do, you are enabling him to have both the worlds, private enjoyment and a social status of a good husband in society,
This is your life and this is the way you choose to live. Do not blame anyone for the choices you make!

BabeHeart

Staying "for the kids" is a copout. You don't think the kids know something is wrong? You are unhappy? They'd be better off with you two apart and working on improving your lives separately, than in a cold and tense home.

Get couples counseling and see if you can iron the issue out...if not, then do what's best for you (in the long run that's what'll be best for the kids too).

ashonti

That is the worst thing to do is to cheat with your family member. Leave him, there is no since in you being unhappy; that will drive you crazy. Explain to the kids that you and daddy is not living together anymore; but you both still love them.

Modest

The big question is whether your husband continues to be unfaithful to you even today. You want to stay on for the sake of your kids. But if he continues to be unfaithful, you get nothing out of that kind of a married life. If he has stopped his infidelity, you may consider to stay with him and treat it as a one time aberration. But do remember that your children are entitled to child maintenance from their father even if you divorce him.

It is a bunch of crap for you to say you have to stay married for the kids. The kids are not involved in the marriage. To them, they have a mom and a dad. I am sure they love living in the stress that the dad has created. You need to file for divorce, collect child support, and make life happy for your kids.

Lyonene .

Ask the kids what they think. Kids tend to be smarter then people give them credit for.

baba

Try to convince and see that things are settled. If possible have parents discussion also. In any gave move like chess game.

Jenn

Leave his ***. The worst reason to stay in an unhappy marriage is "because of the kids". The kids will pick up on the tension between you and your husband and thats not a good enviroment for them.

Its better to have two happy parents that are not together, then have two miserable parents that are.

jeep

When two people are in an unhappy relationship they tend to let the unhappiness ripple out like waves in a pond when one throws a stone. Be strong for the kids and decide to move on. He will cheat again given the oportunity especially if you are bitter toward him for the first time. He will do it out of spite. This is no way for you or your children to live.

lady tea

My husband and I have been separated 4 almost a year. I was seeing someone else who I had mistaking brought them around my kids but I thought if this guy like me he should also like my kids. Anyhow, after bout 8 months I realized i wanted mu husband back and he isnt taking me back with open arms. He says he wish I could see this from a mans perspective If he really love me why cant he 4get the past and move on. He 2 has had relations with other females I just havent seen them.....What should I do

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