My husband works a lot to support our family, but I get so mad, why?

Let him know that you miss him and wish he could spend a little more time at home. He is trying to provide a good life for his family, you need to remember that. Communication is key.

BWW

You can't have the best of both worlds.

Liza

I don't think you're being too tough on him. It seems that in your head, you definitely understand the situation. But you want to see him more. That's completely normal. You're not being too tough on him, but you may not be able to get what you want...I'm sure he would like to be home more often too, but the reality is, that he needs to work. Let him know how much you miss him, and how much you appreciate his hard work. Really make the most out of the time he does have at home. (I'm in the same situation)

Just me.

You have to give the man some slack . If he's out there winning the bread, he can't be two places at once.

Start making plans to be together either the two of you alone, or in a family setting...

Lisa A

It is so difficult to keep all the balls balanced in one's life. And I feel that you are feeling somewhat neglected and probably thinking you should have a better sense of worth. That's normal. I have two things to share with you. One is a book Gail Sheehy wrote entitled, Passages which assists readers in mapping an unique path to well-being. It is a great self improvement book.

The second is a web site for improving a marriage. It is a very interesting tool. Good luck to you both.

I luv me some chris breezy

Im not married, and I am only 15. But I do know a few things. I know it's hard when he is working, but would you rather acttually be a single mom, with no support money coming in at all?? If so, then your being selfish torward the kids. Talk to him about how you feel, and ask him if he can cut back a few hours of work

Thomas K

Makes perfect sense. Together, you decided that he would work and you would not work outside the house. You are now having second thoughts as the consequences of that decision appear.
Let me help you with this. He feels the same way.
If he works enough so that you can stay at home with the kids, he gets the "you're never home" response. If he works less so that he is more available, he gets the "it sure would be nice to have the money to do X".
When you and he can talk without the kids interrupting, you need to review together what the choices are, what the options are and what the priorities are. Then write them down and think about them for a while. What is gained and what is sacrificed.
You are not selfish, but you are about to send him mixed messages that contradict each other. That's not productive. Everything that you have written comes from a feeling. Grateful, mad, more than enough, feel like a single mom, miss him.

When you sit down together, it all has to be in numbers.
How much time is he available now (in minutes per day) - how much COULD be available and how many dollars per day would that cost?
How much money (dollars per month) are you living on right now - how little money (dollars per month) could you live on?
How much savings do you need and how much do you have?

When you operate strictly from feelings, it's hard to know whether they are justified. But if he was making $30,000 per month but was never home, you might ask whether you could live on $10,000 per month and he would be home 25 days per month. Talk in specifics, not just "too much".

imask8r

There are trade-offs in life, and perhaps you'd like a few other options to consider:

what if:

a..you got a part time job to increase your income and allow your husband to decrease his time away from home

OR

b. you start your own business...on the internet...and it taps into your creative side

OR

c. you trade baby-sitting with a friend once a week so YOU get some quality time with your hubbies without the babes underfoot.

OR

d. you realize straight commission is going to permanently keep your hubby's hands full, and you encourage him to look at other career possibilities...

don't dig your hole deeper, think sideways

Esmeralda

Its only natural to want your husband around, and sometimes your heart fights with your head, and yes you are blessed that the can work for the both of you. Perhaps its time to realistically look at your financial needs (including saving for baby's college and your retirement) and find out if you really DO have everything you need and he really can slow down. If you do, perhaps he can work less hours or switch to a salary job. Full commission work is very challenging when you try to balance it with family obligations. Perhaps if he is THAT good at sales its time for a sales manager job?

Heads up!

Tell him how you feel , and be thankful for what you have .

Barbie Doll

i get it. i think you need to get out more. let your hair down. breath the air. ur just feeling bored and lonely since he's not around that much. you'll feel much better when ur out. then when he's home....enjoy the time you have with him. chat about everything. and also it would be good if u asked him to take a day or 2 off and you can go on vacation or something. both of you seem to need it. good luck!

Jeff G

My wife is a stay at home Mom too and I work about 10 hours a day 6-7 days a week. It is tough on both sides. I am only partially involved with the upbringing of my kids and feel left out often.

It is a tough situation to keep balanced. Needing money and trying to succeed in your job is pretty important, especially if yours is the only job. Let him know how you feel, my wife sure does, but she is pretty cool about it. She is sure to shut off the whine button when she addresses me.

Good luck

I have been in your shoes before. But, I think from his standpoint, he is concerned with keeping the bills paid. You sound like you love each other. apparrently, you miss him, or his help around the house. He is working hard to keep a roof over you and the kids head. It's not easy out here. Although, I understand your position too. I would say try to be a little more understanding. Not a lot of women can afford to be home with the kids these days. Tell your husband how you feel. Let him know that you appreciate his hard work. But, let him know that you love him and miss him during the day. My advice would be to take advantage of the time you two have, when you are together. Maybe you and the kids could pack lunch and stop by the job sometimes during the day. Hope my input helps. I sure have been there.

classicwoman57

its ok to feel that way, but would you want him sitting in a bar drinking or running around on you?, Its hard to find a man thats hard working and good father, Just thing about what you got?, i bet he thinks hes lucky too, just make the time you have with each other count. Put one day a side for you and him or one day a month.....

joyceeleann

Try setting a rule in your relationship...that One night a month is for just you and him. Get a sitter and schedule your time in...something to look foward too. You can do schedule two a month but make sure you both show and agree to spend time together

Ashlee W

because you miss him and you want to see him more=)

TRUST_ME

I too am the wife of a very hard working husband. It is not selfish of you to feel this way, but you also have to think about his feelings. A man is naturally concerned about providing for his family and you have to come to terms with that. You should try to make the best of the times that you are together. Don't get me wrong - I know what you feel because I feel that everyday, but I guarantee that if you realize that he is just trying to ensure that you can continue to live comfortably, you will feel a lot better. I would also suggest that you try taking up a hobby or taking some online courses.

Mac-C

Hi!

Well, may I ask you to forgive my grammar. I am only 21 and very open on everything... I hope you understand...

I believe the reason why you get so mad with your husband is the fact that he is never home and even when he is home, he is never home (if you know what i mean). My girlfriend left me because she also had the same mentality, she said I did not spent enough time with her (always studying and working).

I understand that couples need to spend sometime (a lot of time) together to catch up, make love and basically just be together (cuddle and all...) With me I never bealived that a person can ever have enought money (unless you are Richard Branson or Bill Gates etc) and I guess that is what makes me work hard and not smart.

I tried to change but it was never easy and now I am proud to say that I work hard and not smart... in your case I would suggest you get your husband to work smart and not hard. He has a wife and kids (he has a family) and a family is no family if there is no head of the household... If you managed to put this on the Internet and structured it in such a manner you should not struggle to break it down to him. If he is like and he cannot work smart but hard, get him to follow a time table (or work routine) and usually get hime to spend most weekends at home as everyone is there...

Go out on dates (family dates) and picnics. Play and spent a lot of time as a family and remember he has to work to provide for the family so there has to be a time for love making (Keep in mind he has to rest).

Make sure when he is spending time with the family its family only and no business... So business mobile phone should be switched off and no accessing the Internent for mails because he will over work himself. I lost my girlfriend because of such ignorance and I don't want the same for anyone else... I am still young and I can cope(no family) so I don't relly care that much about how I work and manage my time.

Hopefully one day when I have my own family I will get to follow all these steps and be a good father with a good family.

Moral: Talk to you husband and take control, he will not stop on his own. It is hard but definetely worth it...

Good luck!!

merlin_steele

It makes all the sense in the world. Hopefully your hubby isn't having an affair, but that's usually just in the movies. So even if he is working hard for extra money, it would be nice if he could see that he needs to live in the here and now. Too many people look so forward to the future, for some special event, that that is all that defines them. I'm sort of that way about getting a new sportscar, but not totally. That's just an example, though. We just need to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, before they fade away.

alvaro

Talk to your husband and reason with him. Ask him what his priorities are in life. His family should be more important than making money. I would recommend two books: MAN OF STEEL AND VELVET by Aubrey Andelin and FASCINATING WOMANHOOD by Helen Andelin.

jsabor25

I can understand where your coming from, but remember your husband doesn't think that he has enough money yet so he can take it slow. So be patient with him and one day he will slow down. Also if your lonely or frustated get a hobby and even if you do good make stuff to sell. Hey that way you can help him so he can take it easier. But don get mad jsut think if he wasn't working so hard you wouldn't have what you have.

Shelly t

it makes a lot of sense, but you need to know that that money will not always been enough and for some people staying home is not the best idea. if you could work to he may be able to cut back. I work part time and take my child to work with me. and i am being a guinee pig doing paid trials. 150.00 for about 2 hours of work. and any other job I can find.

MARY L

Not at all dear - My first marriage ended because of this - even though you are stay at home, you still have a full time job....and alot of it is emotional....I resented my ex, because he was the good guy (as far as discipline goes), and I didn't really get a break - besides, when we did it was at party functions for his work, and I felt everyone resented that I didn't contribute......VERY HARD!
You do contribute! Try and be Proud of what you do! It is very important!

sandibum

You love him and you miss him. there is nothing wrong with that. I am sure you read it everywhere, but you really should make a date night that he will commit to no matter what. Even if it's only twice a month. Good luck

daydreamer2

Sure it makes sense. It's like you live in two separate worlds. Instead of getting mad, find a time to have a conversation with him where you can point out that there is enough money for him to lighten his workload, in order to allow more time with you and the family. Also, help him to realize that as a parent, you only get one shot to actually "see" your kids grow up, but that you have to actually "be" there to see it. Just do it in a loving, caring way, and tell him you need HIM every now and then. Good Luck.

BubsiesPuppies

you get angry because part of you feels that you don't contribute enough to your family and the other part wants him home with you ( common ).

Ashisweety

It's like that to some people the richer they're the greedy they're. Tell him he have to take some time out for you and your children. Life is so short you never know when time will come and he'll fly up there to God. So he must love and care for his family. About money, money comes and goes everything is just going to be left here. We will not take anything with us at all. Try to tell him those things. It happened to me the same thing and i use to tell my husband and he understood me. We're all happy now he spend time with us he love us and works too. By the way good luck i hope he listens to you.

frogenstien

If you have enough money for now and for your retirement then I do understand but everything goes to motive, you say your husband is a wonderful husband and father when he is home, a lot of guys who don't work also don't do anything else when they are home, so you are lucky. Just tell him to try to cut back a little because you love him and want to see him more.

bambibalu3

of course this makes sense, maybe he can cut his working hours or take a day off now and then??? plan some outings so he has no choice....sometimes you have to plan family time and fun together...good luck

cutencurley_05

Yes you are very lucky, and yes its hard when you are alone so much, and yes you need and want his companionship. Men feel that its their responsibility to bring home the bacon and take care of the family. It makes them feel good. You should try to be more understanding of the way men think. FInd something of your own to keep you busy. My man works really hard. I resented it at first. I eventually got involved with my school, work, son, and at the end of the day we lay in bed together and cuddle. Its a good feeling. I have my friends and family that i can talk to. I also have a man that loves me and wants to provide for me. Thats good enough for me. Good luck.

First off, I want to start by saying these feelings are totally normal, and assure you that you aren't the only one out there who sometimes feels this way. It's difficult to "complain" when you have a husband who works so hard to provide for you, and I can imagine you feel guilty at times for even having those thoughts.
However, your relationship with your husband is far too important for you to overlook these feelings, sooner or later you may begin to develop bitterness or resentment towards him and that is the last thing a marriage needs in it. If you want to maintain a healthy marriage, be honest with your husband. Thank him for the sacrifices he makes for you and the kids, and tell him how grateful you are. Then gently make him aware that you miss spending time with him. Suggest a weekly family night to make the children feel secure and special. And consider planning a regular date night, even if it's only once a month or so. Patience and honesty are whats most important here. If you explain your feelings gently I am more than confident your husband will understand where you are coming from. Good luck to you!

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: