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janiesheron
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Well you answered your own question... he is supposed to be on medication , but does so when he wants.... he isnt going to change because he doesnt see the need to change..... his life is more important than your lives together...... and dont feel guilty because he sounds like he is going through midlife crisis...... if he wants to change he will, but for you to wait and see if he does.......... well dont wait....... just get out..... find someone who wants to spend time with you.. who cares about how you feel, who want to make you happy, not just themselves........ |
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cireengineering
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If the love is gone the only thing to do is move on. |
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llexiann30
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You cant understand a man like that. He sounds like he needs to be single so he can do what ever he wants. Good for you stick to your divorce plan and make your self happy. |
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PrinCipeSSa ItaLiAnA
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unfortunatly my mom went through the same thing with my father. I mean the same exact thing. You cant change a man that acts that way, it will only get worse. My mom is very happy now on her own. If you have already given the ultimatum and he still acted the same way, its over. Get him to sign the papers and move on girl.good luck. |
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JADE
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Don't even bother about trying to understand the man. Just continue with the divorce proceedings and get rid of him. You don't need any more misery.
Good luck! |
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hobbesjohnson
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Nobody likes to change, especially themselves. If someone on this list actually has the answer, I'll be interested to read it. Nice to have you in my boat, sister! |
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Kitty
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What's there to understand? Make him sign, and move on. Sounds like you've had enough. |
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kao x
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You don't need to understand anything, if this is not what you want then just divorce him. No explaination is needed becuse it'll just mess everything up, so just sign the divorce paper and leave him for good. |
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Baby Girl Rylin 5/3/08
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You already have it figured out. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Don't feel bad about getting a divorce. You are the only one trying and if he doesn't want to try, you can find someone that will!! |
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sweetness
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He's no longer interested..and yes It does take two and if he's not willing you cant make him...you cant make anyone care...tell him to sign them and go on with your life become involved with someone who does care...you only get to live life once why be unhappy doing it..and honey his age doesn't have anything to do with having his cake...some people(any age or gender) just dont have the same morals as others..Be Happy...Good Luck |
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beca
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I don't think that you can understand his behavior w/o seeing a trained professional. He is suffering with his own battles that have nothing to do with you, unfortunately. You have to make the decision at this point that is right for you. If you are unhappy, and he is making no effort....Its a tough choice that only you can make. But I don't think that there is "blame" to be had un either position. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you. |
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Sparkles
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This is what narcissists do best. Put the blame on others for their actions. This is all the more reason to be going through with the divorce. I wish you the best. |
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WTF32!!
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He sounds like my soon to be ex-wife except a little more calm. Are they bi-polar or what? |
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CoMpOsUrE
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You have spent the last year trying to figure him out and your solution is a divorce so just do it and move on. |
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Marla
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People usually feel better when they blame others.
When two married fail at staying together, it's usually both parties' fault.I can't say that about you because I don't know you.Each person will blame the other for their marriage not working.Few people will say that "it partly my fault".So,it's just a way of justify the divorce, or feel better about himself. |
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Lori K
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Are you kidding? People raise their kids to be this way. They can't lose on sports...their teams have to be non-competitive. Their parents "fix" every little problem at school. Every grade, every punishment and every disagreement is a real "issue" until it's done to suit. One woman was online this week because she wanted to know how to go about suing the school system because there was a rule against unnatural hair color and her daughter wanted blue or green hair. She was astounded that anyone would feel that the school had ANY right to infringe on anything that her daughter wanted.
That's how a 47 year old man who thinks he can have his cake and eat it too is created...by just such an upbringing. |
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Murphy's Law
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*Well it's like I told someone else on here, I don't believe in the whole marriage sham...it's ridiculous to even think that were all supposed to be with one person forever and one person only.*
.It doesn't make sense, I mean think about..going back to our caveman days...all we were meant to do was reproduce, therefore men would "mate" with any and every woman they could in order to maintain the survival of their population.
.Which if you read into the whole idea more and go back and do some history lessons on it, you'll come to find that for that reason alone, it makes sense why not only men, but women cheat on each other.
.ANYWAYS....I think you just need to call it a loss. I mean you have done everything in your power to save your marriage, and nothing has worked. Your only option is to get divorced and move on with your life and re-build and start over with everything.
.Don't stay in that marriage if you're not happy, that's no way to live...divorce him. |
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vincepac601
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sounds like he's just immature |
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Live_For_Today
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Sounds like you have made a good choice re a divorce and he only achieve in making you feel guilty if you allow it to happen, so toughen up and don't allow him to play these mind games with you. I'm sure you can find someone who will treat you alot better out there. |
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Thomas
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his behavior....selfish. unhappy with the ideal of being married. The reason I think he want you to feel guilty because he is unhappy with the ideal of being married and you the reason for it. Its called lack of responsibility for self action. that is so true it does take two make the marriage work and not all on one person. And this work with their partner when they want too, doesn't work on dang bit! Get divorce and move on. |
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Discovery
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if you have tried your best, and nothing changed, you should cut your lose and move on. everyone deserve a happy marriage and obviously he is not going to give you one. |
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acmeraven
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Women do not understand men and vice versa; I have been married since 1969 and am still trying to understand my wife; and she complains about not understanding me. In chaos there is order. If he won't take his medication or make any attempt to meet you half way then move on with your life. |
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lily
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You are never going to understand his behavior, he doesn't even understand it.
He is not having his cake and eating it to, he is a husband that has been dumped.
He can not make you feel anything. It is your fault that your are divorcing, admit it and move on (so what if you didn't want to be married to a person that was no fun to be with and wouldn't take his meds)
Stop dwelling on the past and get busy enjoying your future. |
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sweetsexything
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Divorce is the only last resort. Marriage is a sacred vow that you need to fulfill. Communication is what you guys need. When you married the person, it means that you accept him for who or what he is and was. This may be tough but these are just bunch of obstacles that married people undergo. consider these as something that will help you grow and see the brighter side of your relationship. Hang on,girl. |
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mysterygirl
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He's supposed to be on medication? Oh honey, get out of the marriage before he goes postal and kills you like Chris Benoit. Most women are killed by someone they know....in fact pack all your sh1t and move with no forwarding address. Hope you don't have kids. |
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Grampa B
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some one once said we work very hard at relationships that are no good for us. You seem to have done all you can and it has only made it worse as it was his problem in the beginning and it is his problem still. I dont know when we should stop trying but it depends I suppose on how long you want to spend on it. At 47 there are a lot of unanswered questions and the time is pressing close. I know that is true of women too but it efects different people different ways. He may have married you because you try so hard. If you want to stay dont expect anything until his behavior turns around. Believe it or not he needs you more now but who knows how long this will last. The other option is to leave him and see if it shocks him. I wish I had a better answer than thease. |
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jazzncocktails
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You're a typical broad in a typical world. You married the man, now make it work. You don't leave somebody because you're a cry baby. Also, he's the head of the house, not you. He makes the decisions, not you. It'll take you three marriages to figure that one out. |
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shorty
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Selfishness is all I can say! |
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Hotmami619
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He's just spoiled.. |
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♥The Mrs.♥
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He's just mad that you are actually going through with it. You allowed him to get away with (sorry) probably an affair, and treating you like crap for a year and now he is mad that you are actually taking control and allowing yourself to be treated right...without him. |
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Vegas
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He has been given his cake his whole life and has always been able to eat it, so there is one thing. Also, if he is on medication there is obviously some mental disturbance their, call it a mid-life crisis maybe. But it's funny how when you give him the ultimatum, he was able to get his act together, yet all of a sudden he can't muster up the balls to keep the relationship intact. There are ways to get divorced without the others consent, stop wasting your life. |
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