My live-in boyfriend of four years had an affair. How do I trust him again?

My boyfriend (33) and I (30) have been together for over four years. A month and half ago, he confessed to having an affair that had lasted five months. He said he wanted to be with me, and wanted to work on what we have together. I, since then, am going through the worst anxiety, and I just can't seem to trust him. Although he has been very good to me since, and we have been talking about everything a lot, I cannot get past my trust issues.
I had no clue that he was having the affair. He was the same towards me as he had always been. So, now I am paranoid that he is still seeing this person, although he says he hasn't. I am so confused, and hate feeling this way. How do I work through this? What has worked for you?

jude

somehow we always want to give them another chance and trust them, but once they betray u it can't ever be or feel the same. some people do the therapy thing, and for some it does work, but my experience with a cheater hasn't been positive, whenever i forgave they always did it to me again after awhile.

redhead27

Is he worthy of your trust again? Look what he did with your trust the first time... he abused it and cheated on you, so why give him your trust again... he doesn't take care of your trust, so take it back and move on with it.

beachkid0054

if they stray once they will stray again idc how long you've been dating most the time go with your instinct and if u think he is still seeing her he might be so just let him go

Remi

Once a cheater always a cheater. Do not trust him again. It may not be anytime soon, but he will cheat again. And he is good at hiding it. I would leave.

regjoeschmo

Try counseling, if that doesnt work, let him lie in the bed he made (which isnt yours)

sillerious

honestly, nothing worked for me. my spouse tried hard on getting my trust back, actually spent every lunch break and ALL his fee time with me. he didn't even go to the store without me, this he did for over a year. did it help? a little....did i think about him cheating on me as soon as he gets a chance again? yes. we tried counseling, but it didnt help for me, as i just dont trust anything he says or does.
i developed anxiety, sleeping problems, even started having hives because of the fear of him doing it again.
sorry no help, just sharing some experience.

accentedflirt

It would be hard if you two were actually married because I believe in doing everything possible to keep a marriage together...being that you are not, I wouldn't even waste the time. I would move on.

...but that's just me.

JustMyOpinion

Why have you been living together for 4 years without getting married? If it's because he's dragging his feet, I wouldn't give him a second chance.

The most important thing is to seriously think about whether or not you can get past what he's done. Can you trust him again? I can tell you from experience- it is near impossible to re-gain trust once you've been cheated on by someone you unconditionally loved and trusted.

fiery redhead 67

sorry,i have to advise that you leave him, once a cheater always a cheater. he didn't have respect for you when he lost your trust and ruined your relationship. he is immature and not ready for a real girlfriend. i would leave him and move on. you need a man that will respect you and not lose your trust.

Siggi

My wife of 12 years cheated on me and also confessed and yes it really kiled my trust and heart it really put a damper on things for some time. She really was regretful about what had happened so in the end i had to make a decision. I decided to forgive her. Now that doesnt mean they have this automatic trust reinstalled quite the opposite & yes even after i forgave her i still was left feeling empty yes it took some time to deal with but we got through it and yes in some occasions it crops up but the pain keeps getting less & less over time.
At the end of the day are you prepared to make such a decision and if you do can you go through with it. Put it this way you need a pretty thick skin to survive something like this and it will take lots of tolerance & patience

Lindsey M

Take a break. Sounds like he was looking for something "better" & testing the waters and realized he wanted you. How long before he does it again? You deserve better move on!

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