My marriage SHOULD HAVE worked but DID NOT!?

housebuiltinaday

i can relate to your story, my ex and i also worked in the same place and then seeing her at home somehow took its toll. it was like seeing her in a different light without the rose colored glasses and i'm sure she felt the same way although i can't be sure. in hindsight i wish we worked at different places we could have had a much needed outlet away from each other.

ambitious_highschooler

maybe the problem is that you OVERplanned.....true love comes when its not planned. You can't make the right person come along when it is convienient for YOU.....it can't be forced. Maybe yall tried to be too perfect.....working together, planning together...you didn't have the space.. obviously it was not true love...because if yall could fall out of love, yall were never in love. My best friend was with her boyfriend for 4 years, and they thought it would always work out,....but sometimes it just...doesnt. God has someone bigger and better than YOUR plan....Precautions don't mean anything when it comes to the love game. Life is meant to take unexpected turns...good luck dear.

Spring

Maybe you planned too much.

Drew G

I can tell you exactly what went wrong. You thought your marriage would work out but I bet you never put any work into it after the ceremony. Marriage is work.

you planned to much, used your head instead of your heart, and there was no fiery passion that really holds people together.

lanceannette

There is not a "no-fail formula" for marriage. We as human beings with free will have the ability to change. Sometimes couples can change together, and sometimes the changes do not work. My husband and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary in Feb. 2008. We are changing together, that sometimes takes work from both sides to find a common ground. Have you thought about counseling? Sometimes having a third party listen to both sides can help you resolve some of the differences.

Best of Luck!

stockoslayer

Sometimes there is nothing you can do. I will say this, every marriage requires great sacrifice. Some people are willing to make it work no matter what it takes. Unfortunately, both members must have that attitude because it only takes on side to file for divorce.

Life Is Amazing

You were too much alike !
It gets boring after a while.

Haven't you heard of opposites attract ?

There's nothing wrong with planing things and liking a lot of the same things but it just sounds like if she was you in a female version.

Zaferus

I'm guessing that every couple when they get married plan that it will work out.

zannakc

It looks good on paper, but did you love her? Did she love you? You have to look at yourself and ask Did I really want her or just to be married?

The next time you plan the perfect life you now know that a plan is just that. You cannot plan life, it happens. You are not a failure if your marriage doesn't work. Learn from this. But you have to look at this honestly, we on this board don't know what happened between the two of you.

Best of luck to you.

nuniestar

Well you don't really go into details as to what it was that made the relationship fail. Did you guys argue a lot and if so, about what? Are there kids involved? Were you having money issues? You need to elaborate a little more so we can get a better understanding as to why your marriage failed.

rima331

What do you mean by "not compatible"..it is normal for both people to grow seperatly and as a whole, and we need more information from your story. Were you not spending as much time together? Were you ever REALLY compatible in the beginning or did you only realize you werent after the attraction/novelty phase wore off?

Wicked

It was probably due to a lack of communication, surprise and anticipation. Those are key things in a relationship. Both people have to feel wanted, appreciated, needed, and able to confide in their spouse. If even one of those breaks down it can lead to resentment and disappointment.

Your marriage could be saved if you both were willing to work hard at communicating honestly and being able to take the good points with gusto and the bad with a real desire to improve upon the situation.

Meg

I think you may of planned too much. Planning some things are ok. But when you try to be too organized and too planned, how can you be spontanteous and fun! Things are so much more fun and crazy when their unexpected. Take time for yourself and move on. In your next relationship, try to be spontanteous and plan only a little. Good luck.

Angela C

The best laid plans of men and mice. You can plan all you want but you there are going to be things that life throws at you that you didn't plan for. As far as you guys getting divorced after 5 years maybe you both changed. Things that I wanted or planned when I was 20 have now changed 15 years later.

junkman

Clean cut is fine,, but planning & precautions got in the way. You can not plan for everything, I do not mean to sound like a hippy, but love is free not planned.

ellusionary

No offense but; you never said anything about love. If you go at marriage like a project what did you expect? People don't work on paper, they live in life. It sounds like you thought of your wife and marriage (from your brief description) like a piece of some puzzle as opposed to a whole new one.

Planning ahead is good, but how about living in the moment and meeting someone you enjoy being with instead of someone who fits your financial profile...

Kent-B-True

More than a husband you sound like a project manager to me making sure everything works. Sorry, but seems to me you got an unexpected death line and game is over. being more spontaneous won't kill you. Sorry about your divorce; next time, try less harder and enjoy more.

floridaman39us

Marriage will last if both partners are committed for life, no matter the feelings. Feelings come and go, but commitment is the key to success. Keep God in your marriage.

Kim Y

One primary topic you did not address, and it lead to the failure of my first marriage:
Being equally yoked in the SPIRITUAL parts of your being.

You need to both walk equally in the 'religious' aspect of your lives. Both need to belong to SOMETHING greater than yourselves that you can lean on, pray to, commune with, socialize by, and look forward to in the afterlife.

God needs to be an EQUAL PARTNER in your relationship. He needs to be the HEAD of the family. If you leave God out, then troubles, when they come about, will do far more destruction to the marriage. God clearly defines the responsibilities & roles of the husband and wife, with no gray areas. This makes for a union that is stronger, more loving, more patient, less confusion, and less likely to be led astray.

This is the versage with my new marriage that is 10x better because this go-round I married a Godly man. That has made ALL the difference!

"A cord of three strands is not easily torn apart"-paraphrased.
Original: "And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. " This means that GOD is one of the three strands to help you hold fast in your marriage.

091907 2:48

Go GO Ressa

Another person have stepped in. Start investigating.

candy16kisses

I never been married so i have no idea but it sounds like it was boring. Like you just planed too much and there was no excitement or spontaneous action on either side. Thats what i get from the imfo you gave but you have to think did you like the same things or fight alot. None of this may be the case maybe she just wasn't the one for you. Don't be so down everything happens for a reason.

nice_man288

It seems to me that you were too interested in "getting married," and perhaps did not see signs that the relationship would not work.

I do not think you can blame yourself. Women want to get married, as do men; so I am sure it was easy for the both of you to think too much about getting married, rather than if you were really in love or not.

You do not provide many details about "what went wrong," so it's hard to say.

perfectvelvet

Too much planning, not enough spontaneity. Not everything in life works out as planned, and having every detail worked out is boring. Maybe you took your plans too seriously?

Elissa

You chose a person who fit neatly into your plan, rather than a woman you were passionate about, someone to counterbalance your character (opposites attract, you know).

I took no precautions, got married too young, without a secure financial situation or career plan, to someone who is very different from me and who approaches almost everything in life very differently from me. We've been married for 12 years with no end in sight (knock on wood).

Go figure.

Beatngu

Sounds like you approached this as a job... or a chore.... You need to work at marriage. Its not smooth sailing if you get someone like you. Its like driving a car off the lot... Yes is nice when you first get it, but you have to do continuous maintenance to keep it running smooth. You don't go 5 years and not change the oil or anything....

As for marriage, its not that easy. You have someone else's emotions, fears, insecurities, personality, etc and no longer just yourself. You have to work at it EVERYDAY.

I want to be at the end of my marriage... exhausted... Then I know I did all I could possibly do. Even then if it doesn't work out, it doesn't. All I can do is try my best and hope for the best.

dishy1025

Love does not follow logic! Even if a person is perfect on paper, does not mean that you have that "thing" that will make you and them fall in love, stay in love through all the bad. You have to really be committed to the person and you can't do that if the feelings aren't there

keezymama

Marriages are made in heaven - did you regularly ask God to bless you union and do as the Lord directed?

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