My mother-in-law is emotionally abusive to my children, I keep them separated from her most of the time, but..?

I can't always find an excuse. My husband thinks our daughters need to visit other family members (they are all 800 miles away from us) and he thinks I am being overprotective if I say anything about it. My girls are 15, 10 and 8, we are very close, loving and understanding of one another. My mother-in-law is quick to judge and says cruel things. I am not perfect, but I can't handle her treating my kids like this. BUT my husband WILL not back me up. He asks himself which woman is going to ***** at him more (her or me) since the answer is HER if she does not get her way, she gets her way.
She mistreated him as well. What can I do? My daughters beg not to go, and I don't know how to handle things. I have tried to talk to my husband calmly and rationally.

IndyGirl

I would ask my husband this:
When your mother was treating you that way as a child, did you ever think... I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE CHILDREN SO YOU CAN DO THIS TO THEM, TOO??
Then I would tell them that since the children are now old enough to say they don't want to visit her -- and he KNOWS WHY!! -- you will be staying home with them and he can go have a lovely visit with her BY HIMSELF.
He can either tell her why he's there alone or whimp out.
Every time she calls hand the phone directly to him; the girls should do that, too.
DON'T GO!! He can't drag you there.
Don't let her do that to your kids.
NOBODY gets a free pass at being $h!tty to kids.
NOBODY.

concernedmom

Are you seriously that defeated and have that little self esteem that you can even seriously consider allowing your children to be around this woman? Honey, get a backbone and be the advocate for your children that a mother is suppose to be. Just tell him "NO"! Tell him it's your girls well being or you want him to pack up and go live with his mommy. His choice. Not only that.....your girls are at an age that they should have a say in going even if she was the best grandma in the world. There has to be a reason they don't want to go. All 4 of my kids love to go to their grandparents. Mine they see every day but my ex husbands parents they only see a couple times a year. But, they get all excited and can't wait to go. That is how it is suppose to be when kids get to see grandparents. If it isn't, which in your girls case, it's not...then I would be scared to death for them to go. Even if she doesn't physically hurt your girls she must be emotionally hurting them and these scars last a lifetime. Please stand up for your girls.

silly_duck96

Well, try talking NOT calmly and rationally. Tell your husband they are NOT going. Call your MIL and tell them your daughters do NOT want to see her and they are not coming. Don't let any one treat your kids badly. Don't make excuses. Tell her the truth.

Jezell

My M-I-L is the same way. My kids grew up knowing she was the way she was and I think it helped them in dealing with people - that is, they know it's not their problem, but that some people are bound and determined not to be happy. Their grama is the very embodiment of that.

If they are being SENT to stay with her, I'd say NO to that one... my kids were never with their grama one-on-one without their dad or me around for more than 4 hours... and yeah - she is that bad. Really.

Drama Queen

If she says anything rude, yell at her. She is not their mother, you are. Kick her butt if you have to.

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