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My mother-in-law is ruining my marriage.?
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My mother-in-law is ruining my marriage.?

My husband and I have been married for going on 4 years together for 6. His mother lives with us now. She is 54 years old and has been married 4 times. Her most recent one ended about a year ago. She moved in with us in October with the promise that she would find work and a place to live. At the time I was pregnant with our 3rd child and I very reluctantly agreed for her to move in, with the promise that she would be moved out before the baby arrived. She had a job right next door to our house and I thought things were looking up, she kept the job for 3 days. Then she said she couldn't work with the other ladies. Anyway, she reminds me a lot of a 16 year old girl. She is constantly complaining about where her life is, but she refuses to change it. She lays guilt trips on my husband and tries to make him feel bad for things that have gone wrong in her life. He says he is fed up with her, but another day goes by and he is fine with her again. My thing is, I want my family to be a family. I want it to be just my husband, our kids and I. I have been unhappy ever since she moved in here. But whenever I try to tell him how it bothers me, he always says he doesn't want to talk about it. She has caused many fights between us and has even started some. One time she started a fight so big that he ended up kicking her out and then a week later let her come back. I express my unhappiness a lot, but it never seems to be noticed. It's getting to the point that I am starting to resent my husband and I don't know what to do. I love my husband very much, but sometimes I feel like she is always put first.I don't think I am being selfish, I think that she needs to get her life together. I mean, she is 54 and has no job, no car and nothing to call her own. I hate that I let everything that is wrong with her interrupt my life so much. Please, any advice??


    




Myth_Understood
Rating
Give her 30 days.

Have your husband take her to coffee somewhere away from the house, and give her the deadline there.

He has to use words like "disruptive", and "chaos", and "black cloud of negativity" when he describes how she is affecting HIS home, his marriage, and his KIDS (this can't be about just you or just him ... it's affecting everyone - trust me.)

Your man is stuck in between the two women who mean the most to him - the one who gave him life, and the one who made that life worth living. I can understand how he's on the fence about this, but show him this post, and this suggestion.

Sweetie, you can't have mom come between you and your family anymore. You have done the best you can by her, but by HER behavior, your mom is NOT honoring your generosity. She is taking complete advantage of you, so unless she can be an adult and stop causing all of this discord, she has to find her own place. YOU have to take control of the situation, or you might as well visualize her sleeping in bed between you and your wife, cos that's where it'll end up.

Best of luck, hon. I hope that he can see things from your side of the bed and that his mom isn't in it. *big hug*


tincan62
sounds like it,,,,,,,,,,should of picked a better mil


claire
Rating
first of all you let her in your house.you felt bad for her.you should've knew about how she is.she being married all those times and now you know why.and it looks like it be best you find somewhere to go for the time being.because its hard for your hubby to actually kick out his mom for good.or just tell her shes the maid around the house.she does all the cleaning.you want her to work or be out of your hair but that look like its going to be impossible to do.the way i see it you're going to have to grin and bare it or give your hubby and autimatium.you or her and stick by your words and be ready for anything.why cant you try and get along with her?instead of being upset with her why not be a friend to her?find her a man!!! lol.put her up for sale.do one of those ads.pay a man to keep her.lol.


luvnhatelife
As much as this should be your husband's duty to kick out his own mother, I think it's time for you too. Your husband from the sounds of it, doesn't have the guts to kick his own mother out for good. So, its time you tell her where the door is. Do not let her back in, don't let your husband let his mother back in.

Sit them both down together and tell them how you feel. Express you feelings, your concerns. Tell your MIL that she is a grown woman it's time she lives on her own. Tell your husband to choose between you and his mother. He will probably say you, and with that, he needs to once and for all kick his mother out for good. Tell them both, that you want to continue to have your family (you, husband and kids) growing up in the house without a mother around.

In the end, it's time where there is no parent of anyone's living with you and your husband. You all are adults, it's time to live your own lives.


Raen
You really have to have a serious talk with your husband. If he says that he doesn't want to talk about it, then ask when he will feel like talking about it because this isn't just going to disappear unless you guys do something. Now of course from his point of view, it is his MOTHER. The woman that gave birth and raised him, without her there'd be no "you two". But I mean you can talk about instead of kicking her out, helping her. Like helping her find a job, or helping her find an apartment. Even if it's not too far if he feels bad about kicking her out. But for the sake of not only you two, but for your children you need to get rid of that woman. After all, do you really want you children growing up in an environment where you two would be fighting all the time? No. So take some action.


i + i
Apparently your husband is content to let her stay regardless of how she behaves or how you feel. He says he doesn't want to talk about it, so just start packing. When he ask why, you can tell him that it was his choice not to talk about it. Tell him when he IS ready to talk about it, you will be too.


openminded
Rating
If you were smart you would get her out now.....





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