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My son wants to move back home, but my husband says he moves back he is moving out, what should I do?
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My son wants to move back home, but my husband says he moves back he is moving out, what should I do?

I have been married to this man now for 13 years, we have had alot of ups and downs, even separated several times, but we always seem to make it work. Well my son is now 19, he moved into my mothers home a month ago, to help her out and now he wants to come home (she is not that easy to live with). Since my son been moved out, my husband seems to enjoy him being gone (he even acts like he hates him coming around) But I don't. When I told my husband my son might be moving back, he was like, "then I am moving out." Then the conversation was dropped. I am so disappointed with what he said. I can't turn my back on my children. Let me say this, my husbands mother is raising his two children. so if he moves out that's were he will go. Not so sure if its worth fighting for anymore.


    




redquartz
I have the same problem with my husband not wanting either of my sons to even come visit! He always wants to know why are they coming? One of my sons lives in a house that is being sold and he has to get out in less than 30 days. He wants to move in here for a couple of months to save up for 1st/last security deposit and get caught up on all his bills. He has a full time job (for over 15 years) so he isn't a slacker! I know my husband (step dad to my son) is going to have a fit when I tell him....I think it is purely jealously.... He is jealous of my attention that I spend on my sons when they are here. We have been married for over 20 years, you would think that he would get over that! There is a hugh difference in the love for a husband and love for your children, but sometimes the husband just doesn't get it! My children, no matter how old they are, will always come first! That is probably wrong in some peoples minds, but I was a single mother for over 10 years before I got remarried and my children were, and still are, my world. I think the best way to approach this would be in how you either ask him or tell him. You have to have a plan in mind that will appease both child and husband, and make it more appealing to the husband. Good luck!


Holly Golightly
Am I right in inferring that your husband is a stepfather to your son? And did they have and iffy relationship?
Either way, your son is 19 and should be contemplating the leap from the nest. You are his mom so it is your job to help him make that leap (without crashing). Tell your husband that you would be a lesser woman if you did not complete that task of parenting your son, AND tell your son he can come home, HOWEVER..
A. Your son needs to either be enrolled in a college and grades permitting working part time
or
B. Working full time and SAVING money. If Dear Son chooses option B he is to SAVE 1/3 of his weekly pay into an INTEREST earning account. He will also work with a responsible adult (likely yourself) to learn and understand BUDGETING ie COUPON CLIPPING, SENSIBLE SHOPPING, RECYCLING or FREECYCLING...all things that will ensure that his rent is paid, the lights are on and his belly is fed when he does make that leap. Finally, after he has saved enough money to pay 1st last and security on an apartment within his budget (studios can go as low as 600 monthly) you will host a "moving on" party and guide your feldgling out of your nest!
If your husband is not on board with you following through with you commitment as a MOTHER, loose him. If your son is not accepting of The Plan, drop him off at the Y, he will come around in a day or so.


Q&A
Rating
Your husband's mother is raising his 2 children? That speaks volumes to me. Doesnt sound like to me he's worth fighting for.


Lisa G
Rating
The fact that you are asking this means that you do not
want to lose your spouse even though he is willing to
dump you over your child.

Since it is not his child, he sees no harm in throwing him
to the wind.

Why should he care? His children are being taken care of.

For me, this would be a matter of principle.

I would tell him that _______ is moving back in, then I
would let the chips fall where they may.

No man would ever tell me that I have to make a choice
between my child or him, or you could bet he'd lose.

This guy should love your child as his own after 13 years.

After 13 years...he should love you enough not to disrespect
you or your child.

His actions are speaking louder than his words....are you listening?

Best wishes


Jerry
Rating
Tell your husband he can pack his bags because your son is coming home.


blueberry
Rating
never turn your back on your children for some sleazy son of a b..... tell him to leave you are better off he's not his son is he?


Dominique
Rating
Hi there. Your situation sounds really difficult to manage and I can imagine the strings are pulled both sides. As a mother myself, I would not close the door on my child and keeping everybody happy is a mammouth task for any one person! I am wondering what the reasons are for your husband to not want to have your son back. Perhaps you have an idea or you could try to ask him? Once you know more, it may perhaps be easier to manage his expectations (and your son's as well). For example, if your husband is enjoying the uninterrupted time you both share now, you could perhaps explore with him the boundaries you BOTH want to set up with your son so that you still have some of that time together (as a united front). Your son is your son and I can understand you want to stand up for having him back, yet, at 19, he is an adult and your house isn't a 'hotel' and you his housekeeper. There may be a need for new 'rules' to be discussed and agreed between the three of you so that no one misses out on your current lives. Hope this makes sense. Good luck!


johnnysunshine11
Rating
Your son should be going to college or proud and stable enough to be living on his own however if he's having some setbacks that's a horrible thing to say and way to be if he moves into his grandmothers house. It really speaks volumes that he has two children already at his mothers. I'm sure it does to you too. You've married an irresponsible lout with poor parenting skills and a big mouth...how you can remedy that without breaking up what's left of your family is beyond me.


wheelsofmadness
i would tell him to pack his bags and hit the road. he knew you had a son when he married you. 19 is a adult on paper but few 19 year old's are really ready to be on their own.
I would say that i would agree with your hubby if your son was in his 20's.


Michelle J
Rating
Let him go, there's nothing worse than a woman who turns her back on her children for a man.


its likely i will say douche bag
Call his bluff, have Your son move back in. When he married you it included your children.

Let him leave, he will be dieing to come back after a few months at his mothers place.


Gypsy Girl
Rating
Your son should be able to manage on his own now, so you need to decide who is more important to you. Do you really want to stay with a man who doesn't seem to like children? What will happen when your son has children of his own? Will they be welcomed into your home for visits or will your husband try to stop them from coming?


Conflicted
Rating
Seems like there's more to the story here. If you've been married 13 years, then your husband has been in your son's life since your son was 6. I'm assuming that they don't have a good relationship. At 19, your son is considered grown, if not still a little young.

Personally, I think your husband is being unreasonable. However, you have to live with him. Sounds like you all need to sit down and talk--maybe give your son a time limit on how long he can stay as a compromise.

Or, you can call your husband on his bluff.


KJ
does your husband's mom raising his kids cuz you don't want his kids around you? cuz if that's the case, your husband has a case.


Kat
Rating
Your husband is selfish and needs to grow up! This is your son not a dog. He should be more understanding and stop thinking about himself. Maybe you should let your husband go live with his mommy if you have separated more than five times and can't get along. Isn't this some sort of sign because it definitely isn't a healthy relationship.


♥The Mrs.♥
Your son is an adult. Why would there be any choice in allowing him to move back and live off you...especially if your husband will move out? Unless he is in college, he needs to grow up and support himself.


Nick
Sounds like you need to really work on the relationship with your husband. As for the son, he too needs to learn to work with his grandmother. Maybe she is strict? At 19 the boy should be concentrating on school, work, and helping his grandmother and understand you have enough to deal with now. I am in the playpen with Mildred


flubber55
My son who has a chronic back problem and his wife with my two grandchildren want to move back in with me and his step father. My oldest son lives with us now. My son and his family has previously lived with me and my husband but moved back to where is wifes family lives. My husband says absolutely not. I desperately need some outside advise. I am the only parent my son has because his father dies when he was young


jojomac
Excuse me everyone, this is not a CHILD, it is a grown man. let him join the army or marines and take care of himself!


Vee
My son is 19 years old, he will be twenty in May. He has been on his own off and on since he was 17 years old. Now he wants to move back home saying he can't afford it on his own, and is tired of having nothing. My son has an anger problem and can be very verbally agressive, and threatening, although has not been physically violent but has been damaging to property from his anger. My husband does not want his step son to come home because of his anger, the son hates me now saying I have turned away blood for my husband. Not sure what to do anymore. I love my son, but I understand my husband's concerns too - they never did get along


TNMom2Two
Vee - I am in the same position. My son has anger issues and has had explosions at home. My home has been damaged, my cars, and my feelings. He has moved out several times, but we usually let him come back. This time he has been gone for about 6 weeks and is running out of places/floors/couches to sleep on. I am petrified he is going to end up at a homeless shelter or on the streets. My husband (his biological father) will not allow him to come home. I love my son and worry about him constantly. I don't know what to do. Any advice?


SusanY
I feel for this problem, but mine is different. My son has a ex-wife,29 yrs. old himself,2 kids and has lived with myself and a few others the last 8 yrs. They have a history with DCF in our county, twice before, for their violent fights. They finally split(thank goodness) and the wife and kids are in a good place. I helped them with money,and will always be there for the grandbabies. I am only 42, very young to be a gramma. The phone rang and now my son wants to come back to live with US!!!! He was also doing cheap drugs to my surprise, for the last 2 yrs!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING? I told him no . Everything is my fault of course, but I need some advice Please!





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