My wife and I are having serious problems.?

I am Crystal S.

Sometimes I feel the same way. I have never been divorced and I just can't imagine the way my three little girls would feel.

I think you have to be positive abou tthe whole situation and tell yourself it will be okay. Don't think negatively, unless that is what you really want.

I know there isn't a lot of REAL advice in here, but maybe you guys can talk to your preacher or see a marriage counselor. ( They probably aren't as bad as you think)

David S

Have hope and faith, and take steps towards working it out together. Your marriage should be stronger than a few problems, you need to make your relationship stronger, not push away from it.

DawnC36

You really need to try to work things out. My husband and I have had our bad times and we've been married for seven years. Take her somewhere that you haven't been to in a long time. Do things that she wants to do. But you guys really need to sit down and talk.

trrcrm

With 3 kids I bet you 2 dont really get any couple time. Try taking her on dates, helping around the house ,get her some flowers, and maybe try marriage counseling.

flywho

You can get clear on what you really want in this relationship. It sounds to me like you want to rekindle the love you had in the beginning - perhaps she wants this, too.
You can begin by asking her if she wants this.
If she says 'yes', then here's an idea:
Set aside one evening a week as a 'date night'. Agree on a rule that any topics that cause you to fight are 'taboo'. In the beginning, this may take some effort since you've fallen into the habit of arguing about things.
Make a list of the fight topics and declare them 'taboo' for just that one night.
On the first 'date', brainstorm with your wife to come up with a number of things you would both find fun to do together. Set an intention that once a week, you'll do one or more of these things.
To deal with the 'fight topics': one good way to encourage good conversation is to use a 'talking stick'. Whoever holds the stick gets to say their piece without interruption from the other. Then it's the other person's turn.
While she is talking, let her talk - no matter what she says. Keep quiet until she's ALL DONE. Then you talk and she keeps quiet until you're ALL DONE.
The listener is to just keep quiet. It doesn't mean you agree, it just means you're giving her SPACE to say everything she has to say - whether you agree or not.
During your date night, practice kindness and courtesy with each other.
Try to keep YOUR conversation with the talking stick in hand as kind as possible while you're also honest.
Try - both of you - to realize that it is possible to disagree without hating each other.
If there is a tangible solution to your arguments, e.g. should we buy a new dryer or not, and you disagree on that, put yourself into a position of someone who is helping ANOTHER couple make that decision.
Finally, if you have trouble learning this new behavior on your own, see a family counselor, minister, or a good friend who agrees to play 'referee'.
You have 6 years invested in this relationship and 3 youngsters depending on the harmony and success of your relationship.
If you leave now without resolving your conflicts, you will find the same conflicts creeping up in the next relationship.
It is never hopeless as long as both of you are willing to learn new behaviors. Even if just YOU are willing to learn a new behavior pattern and initially she is not, she may come around once you demonstrate the respect you wish to create for both of you.
Please keep in mind that without some coaching, it is a bit difficult at first to learn these new and more effective ways of communication. It is well worth the effort though, and a third party counselor/referee will most probably support you in rebuilding your relationship.
The most desperate relationships have been turned around into something beautiful and empowering. Don't lose hope.
Only if after giving it a good try it still doesn't work out should you consider divorce.
Keep in mind that the divorce proceedings will require you to communicate, too.
One way or the other, you will have to find a way to upgrade the way you communicate into a more effective and empowering channel, or else you will then have a nasty divorce following a nasty marriage.
There will be property division, child custody, child support, dealing with the next partner in your own and her life - one way or the other, you will have to communicate.
Start NOW with the relationship you have. You may be able to turn it around into what you both want, or at least you will be able to set the stage for the least painful separation.

Raine Ssshhh...

You eveluate first, what is the reason for the fights. Tr to ask her what the problem. Try to communicate, this will be hard but it's worth it if ou convince her to open up to you so you can resolve the problem. Remember it how you want your relationship to work and how muc you really care for your family. If you want to work thing out it will be fixed.

delawarejobhunt

get professional help
make us time
date each other
admit when you are wrong, and if you do not understand why you are wrong ask your mom, men and women do not think the same.
fight nice, but you need to communicate
sell your most prized possession and buy her a gift

pikachu

love will find a way. it sounds cliche, but really, if you love each other and are both willing to work it out, it will.

áƒ¦CCáƒ¦

why don't you try marriage counseling or sometimes a marrital retreat somewhere nice that may help you both reconnect your communication and feelings for eachother.

genuine1

It not hopeless unless you believe it is. Make a date with your wife. Take her out for a nice dinner and afterwards the two of you should sit down and talk about your problems.
Draw out some ground rules before you have this discussion. Try to keep the conversation calm, that means no yelling, avoid placing blame and listen when each other talks.
This discussion should not be about defending yourself when your spouse expresses a concern. You both need to just hear what each other has to say, acknowledge the other person's feelings, weather you agree with them or not, and start making compromises to fix these issues. If you can't make head way on your own please see a marriage counselor. Your marriage is worth it. Good Luck.

atantatlantis

Well 'you' say you love her more than anything, 'you' want it to work out, but 'we're' not very confident. You have 3 young boys. Whatever happened? Couples counsellings is a good place to start, Divorce is the place to end. You as a 'we' must decide what you both want. Hopelessness is a word no-one likes to be around. Once you go there it is really hard to get out. But cha can! If you love her, don't give up.

sweetblondelaydee

Most things can usually be worked out. I have 4 children and my husband and I go through times when we do not get along, and we both love each other very much. But we are always in "Mommie & Daddy" mode, and very rarely in husband and wife mode. Think back to the times when you were really connected, and what kind of things did you do at those good times. It sounds like you guys need a break for just the two of you. Plan a special "date" with your wife, where it is just the two of you, and talk to eachother. Communication is the #1 thing to keeping a relationship together. I can tell you love her, and please don't give up, you have a family, and I am sure you love your kids more than anything, but take a break, get a babysitter, if possible, and do something that both of you love to do together.
It is totally awesome that you are so in love with your wife, and it really shows especially when you ask for advice. There is always hope ..... :o) My husband and I have been married for 8 years.

Bert

Yes you can, be calm, try and talk when the time is right, never give up......pray, and ask God to help you repair your marriage....God bless ya

T W

I would definitely suggest councelling. My husband and I were going through a similar situation, we went to councelling. We were able to begin better communication. With better communication, he was able to relay his issues to me and mine to him. Because we both listened, we found out what the problems were and came together to find solutions. One of our issues was quality time, so we set aside 1 night a month just for us.

Ginger P

The fact that you "love her more than anything" and want to work it out shows that it is NOT hopeless!!!!!! Every relationship requires work...hard work! Take some time away together if you can manage it. Redescover your love. Sometimes with responsibilities like children, career, etc, we lose our sense of self and our relationships suffer. Make it a point to have some time alone and hopefully you will be able to refocus on each other. Good luck!!!!

number1roxy

I don't know if you talked this through but by the way you say it, sounds like you do love her alot and if she just knew that sh'd be happy you're trying to fix things.

You have to start looking at what your fights are about...are they mostly about the same stuff over and over? If so, try to fix the problems themselves and the relationship will breathe better.

If they are random fights about different things, then maybe you guy need to take some time either to yourselves or together.. depending on what's lacking most. Do you talk alot? Usually this solves soooo much! The most tiny misunderstandings can cause great problems... make sure it's not that. Then you should both write on a paper everything good thing you remember about each other when you started being together. What made you smile and laugh. What gave you butterflies and why you wanted kids together. What made you special to others and to each other. Sometimes, the day to day routine, problems and concerns can poison the couple and make you forget the real stuff. Have some quiet times together, a weekend away or week off if possible just the two of you? Like a new couple! Ask each other what you would want to do if you found out it was your love's last day alive? Sometime situations like that can bring up the real meaning of your love... but it's better to realise these things when everything is still ok... Somehow when you look at the overall picture, together, you can see through all the problems and see what's really keeping you together.

Life is short and when you are with someone you love, the is no special day than the present day. But you can't do this alone, you need her to work with you on this... a mariage you probably know is not a one person deal! So if she is as concerned as you to keep the couple working, you are on the right path! And remember, looking in the past to remind yourselves everything that you love about each other is not a step back but a step towards keeping those feelings alive.
Wishing you both the best!

sheldon b

well the first thing you need to acknowledge is your marriage is not hopeless because their is 6yrs involve marriage involve communication sacrifice understanding as well as friendship and sometimes we tend to lose that connection it's important that you sit down with your wife and talk to her tell her what your feeling inside then listen to her and hear what she is feeling inside try to reconnect with the things that brought you together become best friends again spend a quite evening at home with her at home take her to dinner run her bath water caress her from head to toe show her that love passion and desire is still their and burns stronger than ever be for let her know about the things you need miss and desire i know you have children but if you can get away for a weekend or even get a baby sister for the weekend allowing you to spend a quite romantic weekend with her it could help a great deal do the things that you both love and enjoy i think you guys will be fine cause it sounds like you love your wife very much and dearly anyhow i wish u fortune and all the best to you and your family and happy holidays to you and yours

candace b

The number one problem with relationships today is that people think they are like in the movies. Relationships take work and fights are gonna happen and when you have kids that puts even more stress on things. Maybe what the two of you need is some scheduled together time, get a babysitter and go to the movies or out to dinner or if you are able to have someone take the kids and stay at home together and spend a nice day alone. Also i know it is hard but if u want to try and limit your fighting try and be the bigger person and walk away from it don't feed into the fight and when both of you have cooled down try and talk about it if the fighting is really bad u can also seek help from a marriage or relationship counselor

nineinchfairy

i fell you,i was married very young,we had a girl and now we are not together no more i don't miss him AT ALL,the thing is im engaged with someone else now and some time i don't know why we fight so much,some but just each one have to put from each other and talk a lot,if something bother you or her,the best is talk and be cinsere one another,try to work it out.

Phaylynn

If there is love in your relationship than there must be willingness to work on it. Love can make anything possible but it's not enough to hold things together alone. If you love each other more than you like being right or more than you like having the last word than there is definitely a chance. You just need to be strong and sit down and really talk to each other without getting upset and defensive about what the other person has to say. It might be painful but it's the only way to fix things. If you don't know what you're doing wrong, and you both are doing things wrong, then how can you fix it. Just be open minded and calm and honestly try to fix what you both discuss.

music man

divorce is only a last resort. when 2 people agree that they don't truly love each other anymore. people go through hard times. i'm just speaking from experiance when i give you my advice. if at all posible go to a shrink. if i know what you were fighting about i might could help. i have been noted by others to be good at this stuff. more times then not. it is all do to one big issue and sometimes it doesnt have anything to do with what you are fighting about. we all know the familiar question "if you could change one thing about your spouse, what would it be?". try answering that question. i would say that there is one root problem....trust me, keep trying..........i know this isnt an easy thing to do but try romance. take off from work and set the whole house up, rose pedals on the floor, red table cloth, wine, candle, lights dim, soft music with low volume, and wait til she gets home from work. if you need anything send me a message (even if its just "were do i get rose pedals with out geting them off roses at the store?")

cena man

okay listen closthley. it might empty out your poketes but is damb worth it.

1. start by buying your wife some flowers.
2. move up with a box of chocolates and a reservation to a fancy reasturant she likes.
3. after that tell her you love her very much and apologize for wht you did. it works every time. i knoiw this because my parents had some disagreements.

Bev

Figure out what you are fighting about. It is not good for your boys to be in that environment. Seek counseling if possible. If you want to save your marriage, make it possible!
Good luck.

sarabmw

You have to think about to the time that you guys were truly happy. Do not separate or get a divorce, if you love her, you CAN work it out and it will be work and it won't happen over night but as you know it'll be worth putting work into your marriage for th sake of the love you have for her and your kids. Communication is so important and maybe what you guys really need is to get away, alone, and find yourself again within each other. I wish you the best luck.

onlineseeker

Time for a professional counseler. It is not hopeless.

caramel delight

What you two need to do is learn how to communicate with each other and start to go out on dates with just the two of you and have someone watch the boys for a night....Also, you can go to an adult video store and introduce some toys into your bedroom and learn how to have fun...

Every couple goes thru a disconnection period in their lives and the best thing to do is get back into spending time with each other because when kids come into the relationship, time is minimal with each other...

What we do is start doing some of the things that got us together in the first place by giving each other a kiss in the morning and when we see each other and see how each other's day is going and get back into each other lives and do things each other like to do....

Its easy to lose the connection between two people, but its your duty and love for each other that will pull it back together...

Good Luck and have fun...

aquaman

Doesn't it take two to fight? Be a leader and always be the first to apologize! How committed are you to making it work? Are you willing to go to marital counseling together? Obviously there are issues that have contributed to the tension. Are you willing to work on them? Love is a commitment not just a feeling! Feelings change when the temperature changes, but love is a commitment to the happiness and well-being of another. Are you willing to "serve" your wife? To cherish her as God's gift to you for you to treasure? I can't think of many women that would reject a husband that was willing to make her the most cherished relationship in his life.

Wiser1

You have three small boys. Three really good reasons to work this out. Your children are young and you are both exhausted from work and childcare. You need a romantic weekend without the kids. You need to get a relative to take care of them for two or three days (grandparents are great at this) and you need to go away (any hotel with an indoor pool will do, or a motel on the beach somewhere). You need to start with talking. List for each other your goals and dreams in life. If you can connect on that level, then recognize that you have hit a rough patch (which all marriages do) and you need to get over the hump. Maybe your wife needs some household help or a good nursery school so she has a little time to herself. Maybe you need a babysitter on Saturday nights once or twice a month, so the two of you can go to a movie, have a quiet dinner alone, or go see a sports event or play somewhere. You need to be working as a TEAM. Not separately, as you are now doing. Each needs to think of the other. Ask her what she sees as your best qualities. Tell her what her best qualities are. Start with that. See each other as good, wonderful people you fell in love with, and decide how to get something like that back. Ask each other what ONE thing you could change for the other. And try. If you cannot do it on your own, please seek a marriage counselor. Get referrals from your church or a trusted friend. People who put as much effort into saving their marriages as they do in trying to get divorced, are happier. Even if you end up not being able to save your marriage, you will be able to honestly tell your distraught boys that you did your best and tried your hardest to save the marriage and not leave them. (If they are really young, you will only get visits and that's not the same as being there every day for your boys. You owe them the chance to save the marriage and stay together.) It sounds like you have the 7 year "itch" just a year early. So, get going and get working and you just might be the happiest you've ever been by next summer. Good luck.

jmc.24

i feel 4 u brother,ive been there. Its really really hard to and feels like **** but when you separate, after time things will be like a million times better and you cant believe you lived like that. the only killer is not seeing the boys as much and child support. Things rarely change.

Stella

THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS TALK WITH YOUR WIFE ABOUT THAT. TELL HER WHAT BOTHERS YOU, SEE HER POINT OF VIEW. THAT WAY YOU WILL KNOW HOW SHE FEELS. COMMUNICATION IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT MAKE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP! AFTER ALL YOU ARE A TEAM AND YOU SHOULD DEAL WITH ALL YOUR PROBLEMS TOGETHER! YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 6 YEARS AND HAVE 3 BEAUTIFUL LITTLE BOYS- THAT'S ENOUGH OF A REASON FOR BOTH OF YOU TO FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.

robert r

in any relationship, nothing is impossible, no doors are closed, even if you slammed it shut, on the other side is a scared lonsome soul who desparately wants to succeed, go talk to her, away from any distractions or obligations. you may or not solve all of your problems, but you have to start somewhere, and a start is better than a meltdown anytime.

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