My wife had an affair when she was college.?

My wife had an affair when she was college. It went for 2 years after that it was broken due to boys parent were not interested on her. When i met her through matrimonial very 2nd day of our meeting she told me everythig about her past and she almost forgot everthing. Initally i was very good with her used understood her but my experience about girls says that they try to use and cheat boys always. I dont why i could not able to give that much love and effection i used to give and i started shouting her and ditching her past also for she is crying every time. I know that i am doing wrong but still i could not control it. I would say she is very very good and she take care about me everything, she loves me a lot. Pls tel me... i want forget her past and lead a happy life with her and make her happy althe time. Pls guide me what i need to do?"

mellie

Sounds to me you are jealous that there was someone before you, and you need to get over that. She was honest and open about this with you, and thought she would have a relationship with this person but it didn't turn out that way. Why punish her for this?

The problem is you being insecure, and she's trying to make amends to herself and she loves you. Why punish her for her past? Don't you think she's done enough to herself about that? You know you are being wrong, and you are the only one who CAN help and control your emotions. You either need to forgive and move on or move on without her. Otherwise, what's the point in this? You're only going to drive her away by treating her like this.

An affair is when someone cheats. Did she cheat on you? If she didn't, you have no basis for your cruelty.

KAT

I wouldn't think about it. She wants to forget about her past and she wants you to. Don't make her regret ever telling you. I think she has guts for telling you the truth.
She know she's done wrong, but it's time to forgive and forget.

Kaya M

Vis, you are too focus on something you simply can't change which is the past. I'm sure there are some skeletons in your closet as well, but you need to focus on the now and make sure that you two are living to the standards, goals and values of your relationship. I you are not ready to handle anything bad in her past so for now don't ask anything about it. If she start telling you, then say it not good for me right now. YOu need to focus on what you have now and in the future.

Logana

If it was before she met you then there is no problem. Everyone makes mistakes.

nicolita

She was single? and the boy was single? = no affair

2ndly, she told you the truth and you should respect that.

3rdly, you had the chance to tell her you don't want her bcs of her past, why was this brought up right now???

peking

You absolutely need to let this go. Now. It's 2009, and women as well as men are allowed to have lives before they get married. Would you rather you were with a plastic doll who was fresh off the assembly line when you married her? Surely not. Were you one? I doubt it. You're both people, and you both bring experiences, good and bad, to the marriage.

This event happened before you even met her - and it has nothing to do with you. It wasn't "an affair" - unless she, or he, was married or otherwise spoken for. She had a relationship. Now, I might question her wisdom in telling you about this, if she had any clue you were going to react this way, but honestly, you're making an issue out of nothing. You will drive her away and destroy your marriage if you are not careful, through nobody's fault but your own.

You write "my experience about girls says that they try to use and cheat boys always." This is clearly *your* issue, not hers, to deal with. You need to find someone to talk to, and you need to move on with your lives together without this cloud hanging over your head. Please, grow up and let this go.

Somethingtotry

Buy a copy of the book, "The Love Dare" and follow it for 40 days as it describes. You will be amazed at the change in your relationship.

One of the things you have to do is to think of the good things about your spouse. Quit focusing on the negative and the past. If there was any way you could change the past, it would be worth thinking about. There is nothing you can do now, or ever, that will changed even one tiny second of anything that has already happened. How futile and worthless are the efforts you spend bringing up the past.

Forgive, forget, and work on your future. All you are doing is driving her away. Buy the book I suggested. It will work if you follow it.

I went through same situation as described in main post. But only difference was my wife didnt tell me anything about her past. She was always scared on sharing it. She even lied to me about her education. It was too late for me as when I know certain facts she was already pregnant with my child. It was hard for me to control. But I am just living now as thinking as its God's wish. I am only 34 years old & I married through arrange marriage. I would say, you just need to forgot her past. Its very hard but you need to control your emotion while dealing with her. Positive thing in your relationship is she was honest. You should respect that.

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