My wife has issues!!!!?

Silly2002

I would say she needs therapy, but since she is involving you her husband and you don't know what to do I would do marriage counseling but you don't want to stay with her. I would just get a divorce. Why stay with someone whose family looks down on you for something they are not involved in. cb

stevers1

I was abused as a child too. She will need to resolve her anger about the incident before a stable relationship can be expected.

Michael C

It sounds like you need a mediator between you to let each other know how they are sounding to others around them. Try counselling.

BonesofaTeacher

you need to deal with your own problems like
why did you marry someone who "clung to you like glue"
etc.
so you don't repeat it.
you are involved here, too.

redbird

Do you really love her? I have been emotionally and verbally abused and it is not something you can just forgive and forget. Does your wife acknowledge that she has a problem? If she does and she wants to get help, go to marriage counseling. A marriage is always worth saving if both agree to save it. You can't do it alone, though. If she isn't willing to go, or she goes but doesn't take to heart what the counselor tries to do, then you have to let go and move on. You can't change anyone, no matter how hard you try or how much abuse you take from them. You have to take care of yourself. If you love yourself, draw the line and don't cross it. Make up your mind what you want, i.e. your marriage without the abuse, and stand your ground. If your wife loves you and can see the pain you are in, she will go to counseling and try to save her marriage. Abuse is not an excuse to abuse others. It is a horrible way to live, but we all have choices and we can chose to NOT be an abuser, we just can't fix it alone. You sound like a really good guy for sticking in there, I hope it works out for you!

CASSONDRA D

Unless she is willing to go to counceling, or stop talking to you that way, then no.

tammy c

Unfortunately when many people have been abused as children they grow accustomed to the abuse and do not feel comfortable in a "normal" relationship. It is almost as if you can not trust it when it is good and are constantly waiting for the ugliness to start.
The clinginess is a desire for a difference kind of like a drowning person with a life preserver, the abusiveness is how far can I push him before he will go away(can I trust him).
How long are you going to be able to maintain before you lose it?
I do believe that this can be overcome with much patience from the loved one and a willingness to accept there is a problem and a diligence to correct it from the affected one.
In regards to her parents, you say they were the abusive ones and now she sides with them, they are safe because she knows the boundaries with them she knows what to expect.

michelle a

Is she worth saving?
Not to me

DRP

I am totally sorry for your troubles and hope it resolves itself. As I see it, your wife has fallen into the pattern of self centerness and wants you to take the blame for what her parents have done to her. It's wrong and not very nice of her to treat you like the villian. She needs to see a professional to help her with this. Going deep into her emotions to the root of the problem can help. A confrontation with her parents is likely to bring her out of this sad situation. Facing her abusers can in most cases put to rest those feelings of being inadequate. You have done the right thing by walking away most of the time. But your wife is crying out for some much needed help. You have to help her, don't abandon a woman who is clearly on the path of self destruction.

ELAINE C

I suppose you are perfect? You should never have disrespected her in front of her parents...that was disrespectful both to her and to her parents, and not too smart to do. Go to marriage counseling! By the way, you sound very very young...

GrassRootsRabbits

Run very fast and very far ... I like what you said the parent lol I wish I had the balls lol there are really great women out here good luck

nuttin'fancy

Your wife has issues that need to be dealt with on a prfessional level. Talk with her about seeking this help and offer her the support she will need to get through whatever it is she is dealing with. Otherwise, looks like your marriage is in serious trouble.

cfalways

it's a cycle of abuse that started with her parents. see her parents did not do the right thing by either separating and going their own ways or by getting the necessary help. so because she witnessed the abuse and she was abused, she probably grew up thinking that it was alright...so she does it to you. don't waste your time. you two need to separate until both of you get the necessary help that you need. and the kids need to live with relatives. if she is not willing to get the help then you get the help for yourself. if she is not willing to budge you need to divorce her.

ladymaryum

sorry to read about this,,it seems she loves you, but unable to control her anger, she needs intense therapy, if she going to have any kind or relationship with anyone, you didnt mention anything about spirituality, if she would pray for guidance from the Creator, for assistance, the healing you both need will come to you both, there are many levels of abuse, oftentimes, others dont see it as abuse., she needs to be made aware the seriousness of this, if she wants to save the marriage, and she should work with you to find resolutions for these issues. I think he keys are prayer, and therapy, and striving to avoid verbal abuse, by sticking to the subject, and not bringing in topics that are not a part of the discussion.

fragilemind30

No, there is no way to salvage this woman. Get out clean, get out now, get over her, and don't look back. Good luck.

Therious

I don't know. It's all about how much you love and care about her really. If you truly do then this won't be a deal breaker. Try to get her some counseling. However, it sounds like you wanna run, in which cae I suggest that you run far and fast.

Doug H

Try to talk to her about it and get her to go to therapy with you. If that doesn't work dump her

Nikki

Being raised as a verbally abused child...the best thing to do is give her the silent treatment, she doesn't have the balls to leave you. She threatens you by saying that just so you will yell back, that's what she is use too. She has gotten comfortable with verbal abuse.

My now boyfriend has figure out how to shut me up without yelling back. The thing you need to do, is get a bunch of guy friends and go on a trip with them...to get away and clear your head. And don't answer her phone calls while you are away.

Then once your head is clear...you will know either to stay with her or leave. If you decide to stay with her, you need to sit down and talk with her. First explain you want to have a nice conversation and if it gets out of hand, then it's over. Then tell her how you feel and how you guys need to work things out.

Eventually she will get the idea. But if she doesn't then she is way too far gone to ever understand.

Get what I'm saying. Good luck.

Also for the situation with her parents, it's really none of their business what goes on in your relationship with their daughter. You know the truth and that's all that matters. Once you are finish having the conversation with your wife, call up her parents and apologize for the yelling. If they don't understand, at least you were the bigger person by apologizing.

lorilor

let her know that she might want to see an anger management counselor. sounds like she needs to vent to someone that can help her.

cullen1912

Unless she is willing to admit she has a problem and seek help for it I don't see a future and I would leave before she takes you down to her level permanentley. The thing with any abuse is that it is a familiar pattern whether it is a pattern the victim likes or not and that is why she has turned from the abused to the abuser, it all seems familiar to your wife.

boopie240

It's your call, she is being very unreasonable. What you need to ask yourself is this. Is she likely to change- if no then do you want to spend the rest of your life like this. hope that helps :)

omiluv

First of all, it's not issues. I would be that same woman in your relationship. Sounds exactly the same with me and my husband. I just think that she has an insecurity problem. Here are some pointers how my husband have dealt with me and how I have reacted in that same situation:

1. I do admit that I have a problem and so should your wife.
2. I do admit also, that I have been abused as a child and have the willingness to change my abuse towards my partner if I have emotional support of my partner. Your partner should be willing to change.
3. If neither works, I know that simple "I have to talk to you" won't work, so as my husband does, "forgive her"...let her know your feelings (even if she ignores them)...tell her you love her and don't stop (even if she threatens to leave you)...apologize (even if it's something that you didn't start).

If all doesn't work, then she should seek mental help, because I did!!!
It's not your problem, but because you are married...help her with a problem that may be affecting both of you. Share the experience and fight it together. Don't let her do it on her own, it will feel like betrayal or just put down her self- esteem to do what she already did...once again!!! Wishing you GOOD LUCK!!!

C. M.

oooooh yeah there is... there is a thing called Love Languages, it's a book by Gary Allen. trust me it's worth the purchase. maybe you need to also look at yourself and think what kind of person she really is, and what are you NOT doing that she needs you to do. Sit down with her one night, tell her no screaming or yelling, and that you want to talk about stuff, about what she really wants, and discuss with her, without putting her down what you want as well. do you provide her with enough physical attention, do you give gifts now and then, or do you just ignore her? do you have financial issues... i'm sure there are lots of other underlying things going on. I've been in this sort of relationship before, me being the always pissed off woman. He never gave in to my needs, but me always his. Just sit down, talk with her like the adults that you are. If you want to work it out, it will get worked out, just don't expect an overnight change. Most men seem to want that, and it's unrealistic.

misty blue

FROM BIENG IN A ABUSIVE SURROUNDING, IT HAD MADE HER FOLLOW WHAT HER PARENTS DID TO HER. ITS NOT HER FAULT . SHE PROBALBY DOESN'T EVEN KNOWS SHE IS DOING IT. GET HER SOME COUNSLING, SHE NEEDS TO LET GO OF THE PAST. AND START OVER. SHE WILL BE AFRAID BECAUSE THATS ALL SHE KNOWS IS ABUSIVE. GIVE HER YOUR SUPPORT AND LET HER KNOW THAT YOU ARE THERE FOR HER. IT WILL TAKE TIME SHE WON'T GET BETTER OVERNIGHT.BUT IF SHE WON'T GET THE HELP THAT SHE NEEDS THAN I WOULD SAY LEAVE, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE IN THAT KIND OF MARRIAGE BECAUSE IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE NOT BETTER. GOOD LUCK.

First, you are married, for better or for worse.

Second, this is something that can be fixed. See a counselor if you guys really love each other. You will look back on those arguments in several years and either laugh or cry, you will realize how trivial it was and how destructive it was. The more often it happens, the damage gets worse.

Third, She definitely needs some professional help as a victim of child abuse.

A marriage counselor can help her see that speaking with so much disrespect is very harmful and destructive. Whatever you do, NEVER drop down to that level. You have done well not insulting her back. She will appreciate that eventually.

You have to have mutual respect no matter how hard it is to bite your tongue.

Last, even if she hates her parents, don't EVER agree with her, or argue with her parents about what they did to her. It is a losing battle, and you will have both her and her family against you. Don't ask me why...it just happens.

Chloe luvs James!x!

if you don't want to be with her just pack your bags and go and if you can then gently tell her that you have had enough! it will only bring you down! you should be with someone who respects you and isn't everyone 'verbally abused' by their parents when they are young lol like i mean sworn at if they are naughty etc...it couldnt have been that bad, but that doesnt give us an excuse to go round being disrespectful to others now does it?..good luck!

...

take her to conceling to show her that a doctor thinks shes nutts too.

tough part is that she may repent and forgive, but parents and family that saw the show are hardly fogiving towards you.

good luck.

breastfed43

Write down your rules and follow them. Let her know the consequence of each outburst and make sure to say you love her

Glennroid

You guys really should look into marriage counseling. If you let these issues get out of control, you're going to lose your marriage.

Now is the time to start.

yeah_but_we_all_are

She needs good drugs, and have her checked for bi-polarity.

crodriguez1010

Think about why you married her in the first place. Is the reason why you married her still present? Is she aware of the fact that you feel like you are being verbally abused? She may not realize what she is doing hurts you. If she does realize it, then do what is best for you. Don't worry about what her parents think about you. If she doesn't trust you, then get out. If there is no trust in the relationship, there is no relationship. If she is threatening to leave, tell her to go.

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