My wife is a stay at home mom....am I asking to much of her?

allison b

I am a stay at home mom of 2 children my husband bring home the money she has to do her part you need to be honest and tell her i always have dinner and the clothes done and the kids or always clean she has to do her part

OleMarbleEyes

Having been a single (male) parent of two girls 6 and 10 I can tell you that chasing the younger ones all day would tax the Pope's patience and tire out two of you. That doesn't count all the other stuff she tries to manage.

In all my life I have never demanded or expected dinner to be ready when I walk in the door. If it is, it is, if it isn't then maybe its time to lend a helping hand.

rcspaint@sbcglobal.net

Man do i know what u r going through. I own my own painting contracting business and i put in at least 70 hours a week and when i am home at a reasonable time i like to spend time with the kids. My wife doesn't do really much of any thing around the house and she is always complaining about this and that yet if i mention the house not being clean or my laundry isn't done she gets all pissy at me like its my fault. I have learned to just deal with it and i make sure that the things i need are done by me, i know its not the best deal but at the same time she is great with the kids and that to me is more important then the house being clean or my meal ready when i get home. Marriage is a two way street so you both have to give alittle. Maybe she is trying to tell u something but doesn't know how to, take her out for a nice dinner and talk about it, Good luck

Nat R

She's either feeling run down because of the kids or she's bored and becoming depressed about her life and therefore lacks motivation or energy to do everything she once did.
Help her out - get a cleaning lady once a fortnight to help her lighten the load. Looking after little kids who can walk around and get into everything is very hard work!

anna g

maybe she's bored. see if she wants to take some cookings classes, decorating classes, try something new. or maybe continue her education. she might be depressed, have u asked her.

silverearth1

have you ever asked you wife what she wants? really wants ? Sounds like she is stuck in a rut and does not know how to get out of it ! Maybe you could sahre the workload with her and maybe she can get a part time job to fukfill her. You know just d doing the housework every day gets boring too!! Put the kisd in daycare and let her go back to work .She is missing it
Go and yake your honey on a Love vacation with out the kids !!! And findyurselfs again like Newlywedds !

Joe S

If it's what you agreed to early on and she did it for the first 3 years, something changed. You should talk with her about this. Don't argue. Be open, honest, and most importantly - Calm. It may be an attention thing. What do you do when you come home? Are you a dictator? Do you help out? Maybe taking on one or part of the responsibilities may help. I know you work all day, but look at what she does. Cooking, cleaning, bill paying, errand running, Laundry, making sure the kids are fed, safe, picked up, etc. Do you think she may be bored in her job too? Think about doing laundry for 4 every week....snore. And if you start in on why something wasn't the way you wanted it, BAM, you are the bad guy. She is your partner, not employee. I believe she should manage the house more than you, but something happened where it changed.

Good Luck.

chippewa_goddess

I was a house 'wifey' for just 1 yr before I cracked. I think maybe you could be sitting in the 16th century. just because she agreed to be a stay at home does NOT make her molly maid or jenna jamieson just because you bring home the bacon, she works Harder then you, because she is running around after two kids.. maybe you should be in her shoes on the weekend and see how easy it really is. I think you underestimate the demand it is to be a stay at home mom and you should be a man and help out when you see that she's wiped out, don't just come home and flop on the couch, cause she doesn't get to do it either. (if this seems one-sided) .. then you asked for it.. would it hurt for you to do your own laundry the way you like it, or to do the dishes after dinner.. there are little ways you can help to eleviate the stress of being molly maid and jenna jamieson.. man i'll never do it again.. i prefer to be a single mom .. it's the only way to be.. good luck..

scott in minnesota

Sounds like she may need a break as well. Does she ever get any time alone just for her?

She may feel like she is in prison.

Take a vacation and find romance.

onecent1232003

in my opinion, if she was doing it before, she should be able to do it now, granted, kids are a hand full, but she should be able to throw something in the oven, or whip up a quick meal, far as house cleaning, sometimes its hard with little kids to keep everything just right, & the laundry, its not to hard to get it in the machine , its not like she has to go to the creek & srub it on a rock, lol, i think she just might be a little upset with you saying something, maybe shes rebelling, try to be a little nicer, sit down & talk to her, explain you cant work with out washed & ironed clothes, & after working all day , that you do get hungry, just ask her if she feels alright, or if something is bothering her, as to why this is going on.....good luck.

liyah's mommy

Ok, so far I am reading a man complaining about his wife not meeting your needs....are the kids fed? are the kids happy? are the kids smart? are the kids clean? do the kids have clean clothes?
Look, it is so hard to care for 2 children and it sounds like you want your wife to care for you too....so now what she has 3 children? Think about it seriously, you have 2 kids the house is not going to be as clean as it was, and dinner isnt going to be on time, **** happens.
Now if your kids are outside dirty begging for food and your wife is fat asleep on the couch then you have a problem until then, find ways to help your wife, clean your own crap, bring home dinner, send her on an evening with the girls....come on

hapymom03

You are not wrong for wanting what she was already doing. But I know my mom and dad were the same way, when my mom stopped doing everything the same it was because he was treating her like the maid. He was not being who he was before. Make sure your treating her with the respect she deserves. Maybe that is not the reason, but it could be.

BluePassion

Well, it's kind of hard to manage a home with one todler, let a lone two. She may need help managing the home. Sit down and talk to her about it. I can understand you coming home from a long day of work and needing to have your dinner ready, etc. But usually when things start to change in this manner, there is a reason. So instead of fighting with her about it, get a babysitter, take her out and have a nice, quiet talk about this situation. Remember, you get to go out everyday (even if it's just to go to work, but you go out). she is home all day long with todlers to have conversations with. Imagine yourself 24/7 with todlers to take care of, then have your husband come home and want everything done before he gets there. Have you stopped to ask her how her day has gone? It can be many things. And I'm not trying to knock you. I just want you to realize that she may be under a lot of pressure. Stop and look at the situation, and try not to cut her down for not having everything ready. It will get better, seems like they will be in school soon.

jammer

Like most women, she has probably had a gutful of the daily grind. She has 2 YOUNG children that take up most of her time, and if your shirts are unironed, get the iron out and iron them, if there's no food on the table, learn how to cook. You may work long hours, so does she. Just keeping 2 kids amused all day is enough to do your head in. When you knock off from work, you finish for the day. Her day never ends. The only respite she gets is to let things slip: not iron, not cooking. Give the poor woman a break.

BabeHeart

People get into a rut...talk to her about it...don't accuse or blame, just discuss...perhaps she's ready to get a job and get out of the house...find out what has changed for her, that she no longer keeps things up as she used to...perhaps she was feeling unappreciated?

LOLO

i was a stay at home mom for about 6 years and at first i did it all and it didn't bother me but then for some reason i still can figure out why i got the same way but i felt tired all the time maybe she has some kind of depression issues there are all types and now i work part time but if i have a few days off in a row it gets to me and i get tired and then nothing gets done i really don't know but the more you harp on it the more peed off she will get and then nothing will ever get done. try being extra nice it does work my hubby is nice to me then i want to make him happy and the only way i ever get him to do anything is to be nice all day and then say hon will you mow the grass today

James S

1. Support her by cooking and cleaning a bit. Children are a full time job too.

2. Take her to dinner once in a while.

3. She is going crazy being home all day every day. She CAN have a job or go to school. Does she want to? Have you asked her?

I had this issue, or very similar arise a while back. I hope you listen to the advice. But it is yours to choose.

She needs out of the house. It will be harder now, but support eachother on this.

Peace.

Kraftee

So, she spoiled you for three years and now the honeymoon is over. She is not your slave. It does not matter how the housework gets done nor does it matter who does it. You and she need to sit down and plan for how to get the work done. If this eventually involves hiring someone else to do it, fine.

On the other hand, if her apparent neglect of housekeeping is a symptom of some other problem, then that needs to be addressed appropriately before you figure out who will do the ironing. If the two of you can't discuss the housekeeping issue without arguing, then you may need a third party to facilitate the dialog and help you two figure out what the real problem is.

silver.graph

I'm not going to give you a nasty response. I feel your pain. What's probably going on is that these two children are both at ages that are particularly challenging for the parent who takes care of them most of the time. Active kids in this age range require constant supervision that can be draining for the adult doing the supervising.

You might want to try starting the boys in a good day-care program so that some of your wife's time becomes her own again, and see if household order improves. If it still doesn't, you might want to have a frank discussion with your wife and say you want to help...What's not working in the household, with the result that things are a bit chaotic and meals aren't on time? What can the two of you do to make it work? What does she need and what do you need to make your lives run smoothly?

I am actually of the old-fashioned opinion that the wage-earner in any relationship IS entitled to on-time meals and clean laundry. Most jobs are so taxing that it is really unreasonable to expect the wage-earner to come home and then pitch in with housework and child care. But I do not believe that the stay-at-home must do all those things with her/his own hands, and if money is not an issue and hiring someone solves the problem, I say hire someone to help.

Brat

ask her if everything is ok. she may depressed from no adult/ outside contact with people.

seilygirl

no your not, but try it with compasion she is depressed .

ragged

She may feel isolated at home, since you work long hours, and she may have become depressed. Also, pre-school boys require a lot of time and energy from their mother! Encourage her to join a young mothers' group, and a babysitting co-operative, an exercise group, and other clubs like this which will get her out into the community and where she will find companionship. If there are no such groups where you live, help her to start one. Find "couple friends" together and have fun evenings out. Have a "date" night, just the two of you, two or three times a month. I guarantee, her spirits and her housekeeping will improve!

jellybeanchick

Since you work long hours, you may have no idea how much work it is to take care of two toddlers. She is probably getting burnt out. It is a lot to expect someone to have dinner at the perfect time, to iron clothes for you, to clean up after young children, take care of said children, and be happy all the time.

You may see it as enabling her to not have to work, but she may increasingly feel trapped in a life devoid of meaning. You shuld ask her, in a non-confrontational way, what it is that she would really like to be doing right now, and give her as much support as you can.

If she really wants to be a stay at home mom, some little things you could do are have the clothes professionally cleaned, hire a maid to clean house ocasionally, and most of all make sure she knows how much you appreciate the work that she does.

Babie

WOW buddy sounds like maybe she might be going threw depression or maybe feels worthless. I am a stay home mom and wife I cook clean laundry hell I even take care of the yard. But a few times I didn't my husband didn't say anything this went on for awhile finally I just stopped everything we sat and talked I told him I feel like I am just a house *****. He asked me what I mean I told him well you don't say how nice the house looked when I did clean so why should I clean, This conversation went on and on. Well now a days I still do everything and he will mention to me on how nice things look and always ask me if I need a helping hand. Makes a person feel very good when the other person notices things.Have you ever told her how well things look? Us women are funny on things like this. Get that romance a rolling build her back up. Let her know you notice things and she is still the love of your wife,You might see the changes. Let her go shopping without the kids you stay home and take care of everything once in awhile. My husband tells me to go on a shopping spree that I deserve it.

WheeeeWhaaaaa

She may be depressed, or lazy its hard to tell.
Post partum depression can take many forms.
If you can, have her see a doctor.
She should consider herself lucky.
Also, make sure you give her some time to herself when you take the kids. Some guys never interact at home.

treesha_006

Hi,
Maybe she needs a break . Well it may sound difficult for you working for the family, but just imagine her all alone with the children till you come back, sometimes she will be longing for you to be back. Trust me small kids are not so easy to be handle.
Even i stayed at home taking care my 1 month baby till nearly 7 month. Sometimes i couldn't have my bath, (peaceful bath) i could not eat ....I imagine it was just one baby and your having 2 kids.
I felt so stress everyday more ever when my hubby comes back late... Very depressing and dissapointing.you know something, when u expect a lot from your partner a relationship dont really turn well. Why dont for a change you cook for her,
Maybe Sunday,s bring her out, plan something with her, leave your children with her baby sitter. Be romantic back again.
A great idea, why dont u give her some time and talk to her, maybe suggest to get ur mom in law or ur mom to baby sit them. She can go for classes or work. She needs a new enviroment.

rjl2382

I did and all I'm gonna tell you is fix it before it gets worse. take her out show her she's your love and tell her you love her now more than ever, tell her what you love about her. Or before you know it someone else will be telling her ..... well worst case good luck

ifnotynotjuan113

man this is real simple......u letn the fire go out and u can't do that. do something unusual homie. send a singing telegram, stay home wit her sometimes and help her out and right when she least expecting.....go dwn south on her, hit it from the back......break out the whip cream...come on man, what 1 man won't another will. Get it 2gether homie

MareinAira

Was your wife agreeable to this set up from the beginning, is it something the "two" of you discussed and decided on? Sounds like maybe she's depressed or tired. How many expectations do you have of her and are they all fair? My husband does his own wash and irons his own clothes because that's the way he wants it. Do you appreciate what your wife is doing and tell her so? Does she have any money of her own to do with what she may or does she have to ask you for everything? Her self esteem can be at an all time low from sacrificing everything for the cause if no one is showing her any attention or for a million other reasons. You aren't saying how you're getting along together or if you're interested in your wife in any way other than what she can do for you so don't expect any concrete answers from anyone else besides some one way men.

lee lee

your wife is probably bored with the same routine and has gotten depressed.She needs to find her hobby to take her away and you should get a baby sitter and take her out on a MARVELOUS DATE THAT WILL MAKE HER FEEL SPECIAL AND LOVED.

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