My wife of 8 years left me last week Ive been begging her back every day .Is this a bad idea?

Proud Father of Three

I am in a very similar situation. My wife wanted a divorce. I never cheated. I don't drink or do drugs. I too begged her over and over but it was not until I told her that I agreed with the separation but that I did not want a divorce. I stated that I would work on all the issues she addressed and then after a period of six months or so see if we could try a new. Seek counseling if you can together and on your own. Suggest the counseling to her. Good Luck Friend...

swtlilblonde31

She is lying to you. This is not just about a bigger house, that is her excuse. For her to feel nothing...I hate to say it but there very well may be another man.

This is not what you want to hear but here it is anyway....Stop being a crybaby and show her you are a man who can pick up the pieces and move on. They will either come back to you or not. Either way, you are looking weak and pathetic. Let her see your better side and DO NOT KEEP ASKING HER BACK. You need to move on and quit begging. You are a good person and there are so many opportunities out there for you so get going now, it's not the end of the world.

MGS5: Solid Stewie

Dude, don't beg... that only makes her stronger. It's the tears, you see. Girls only make you cry so they can drink the sweet juice of your tears, and by doing so make themselves more powerful. Don't fall for their tricks!

Tooly

You shouldn't beg your wife to come back. The more you beg her, the more power she thinks she has. Just keep it cool and pretend that its "all over" and see if she comes back to you. She'll probably notice that she made a mistake rejecting you. Stay with your children and keep them happy and safe as possible. Good luck!

Thinking

STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
The begging, pleading crying is only going to harden her heart more. Stop concentrating on HER, and look at YOU. She did not just leave you on a whim. She has been planning it for some time, and you are the only one shocked & surprised by it. Why did she leave?

The "bigger house" is a red herring. Hire a PI and find out who the other guy is, and get a good lawyer. No, this does not mean you have to get a divorce. You just need facts, and some more level-headed people than yourself can help you get them.

Not knowing your belief system, I can only suggest prayer. To me, it is the biggest help and relief in times of trouble and suffering. Even if you don't believe, the Lord believes in YOU, and also your children, your marriage and your family.

Mean Carleen

sound like another guy is in the picture. I'm sorry your going through this but you can not make someone be with you if they dont want to. All you can do is be there for your children.

ideally_rational

Sure she could be having an affair too. Sounds like she is having an affair with the fantasy of a big house right now.

Maybe you should consider fighting her for custody. Then you can keep that little house and the kids too.

Charlie

Some women just wouldn't recognize a good man if he came up and bit her on the ***. From what you describe, your wife sounds selfish and materialistic. You can't change another person, so don't further debase yourself by begging. If it's really over then it's over and that's something that no amount of begging, pleading, and crying will change, so wasting energy on this will do you no good and cause much more emotional harm, when you've probably had enough of that already. Get yourself a lawyer to see where you stand from a legal perspective.

emz25

You sound a bit much! no offensive but its propily overwhelming for her, im not saying its a bad quality its very sweet but maybe a little space will help. I know it'll be hard for you but put the offer on the table then just wait if she's not interested theres no point in pursuing her further

[~4WARD~]

Tell her how you feel, and then leave it alone. Repeatedly begging her won't do anything but annoy her. You're not going to convince her to take you back by repeated begging. Either she'll come back or she won't. But you're stalk-ish type begging is only going to make her angry.

Been There Done That

That is a dumb reason to leave a man.....this is about her selfishness......You have four children......I bet she is a stay at home mom and sits around the house thinking up things that she wants and can't understand why so and so has this and she doesn't......trying to raise four children is hard enough.

Stop begging her to come back - stop crying on her shoulder.....the more you Look weak in her eyes the more power she has over you......Let her live in her Fantasy Island world right now and she will see maybe when she does it won't be too late......

Are you a praying man......If you are Fight for your Family on your knees talking to Your Father in Heaven.

ohmy

stop begging her if you want her if to come back to you keep it up and your going to push her away

Lindsey

Honestly I would not contact her any more. This will cause her to want to call you. Let her see you quiet and detached and when she comes back around tell her I'm doing the best I can....so do what you want to do. You leave it at that and when she sees you are giving up ....she will work on things with you. It takes two to make a marriage and she knew what you could afford before she married you and decided to have 4 children and herself for you to take care of. Maybe she could find a job opposite of yours and help you bring more money into the home so she could help to get a bigger house someday? If there's a will there 's a way.She cannot expect more from you than you have got to give and that is just the way it is! You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip! I am sorry but she is half responsible for this life to and cannot put it all on you. Your 28 years old with a world of responsibiliy and that isn't easy for a young man trying to support 5 other people and himself! Marriage is commitment and you just don't pick up and run away ..you face the good with the bad. She is being selfish and immature acting out this way. I would let her stew for awhile....trust me whoever she is staying with will get tired of 5 extra people in the house! She'll be back and be happy for what she does have and if she wants more out of life she will need to help find a way and work to sweetie. Good luck.

Tommy's_Sweet_Girl

I hate to say it, but she is just telling you she wants a bigger house, because the man she is with now has a bigger house and probably a bigger paycheck. I hate to say it, but I guess you need to cut your loses, and walk away. If she has no feeling's for you, even if she did come back it would be totally different, you would know she really doesn't love you! I think there is someone else taken your place, and its the worst luck you could have, but that is usually how it goes.

Jennifer W

I am very sorry for your situation. I don't think that the house is the actual reason for her leaving. There has got to be something else that she is not telling you. But I would defintely stop begging her to come back. You are only pushing her away if you continue to do that. I know that it is hard to be in this situation but unfortunately I think that the best thing for you to do right now is to leave her alone, think about your kids and be strong. If you leave her alone she will realize that you can do this on your own and that you are a strong person. She thinks that she is in control of this whole situation now and that she can have everything her way but you don't want that do you? After all she is the one that gave up and left. By leaving her alone you will take control of this situation and most likely eventually she is going to start contacting you and wanting to find out what is going on. Go out and spend time with your kids, stay occupied and use this situation towards your advantage. Make her wonder why you are all of a sudden leaving her alone...it will drive her crazy.....trust me.....

suzlaa1971

It sounds like you are much better off, I'm sorry to say. She sounds like an immature brat. If she left you because you didn't buy her a "bigger house" , then oh well. Let her be miserable after this, you know? She's chosen to leave. You have your kids to think about and the house now. Also, she's using emotional blackmail to make you feel guilty for not doing something she wanted you to do. That wouldn't fly with me either...good luck and take care!

Schwinn

There is definitely someone else. A woman doesn't leave a good husband and 4 children because he didn't buy her a bigger house. She leaves because she is having an affair.
Do some serious snooping or hire an investigator if you can.

ambrosia

i really don't know what to tell you, but i sure wouldn't be begging her back! she sounds like a *****, like you aren't good enough for her, i know it's hard because yall have kids! im sure you will work thru it!

belle o

i know your situation is very hard. i think the reason why she left is because she found someone else. it is her lost that she left you.having a broken heart is so hard to fix but don't let her let you down coz even though she left, you still have a life to live. you have your kids with you and tha's the important thing. let her be happy for now but i'm sure later on, she will regret all her life that she left a good man like you.so stop begging her. if she want to leave, let her. but don't let her take your kids away from you no matter what.so stop begging her because nothing is going to happen. she will regret the day she left you. if you want somebody to talk to, i'm here for you. my e-mail address is: mymahal_mylove@yahoo.com. e-mail me anytime.

She has more issue's with you then buying a small house. She's angry right now and that anger is stopping her from feeling anything for you. The best thing you can do is to stop what your doing and collect yourself. You both need time to think about what you truly feel and want. Tell her that you will give her some time to think and calm down but that you love her and that you are not giving up on the two of you. Step back for a little bit and then arrange for you two to talk away from everyone.
While your taking time away you need to look at yourself and see what you can do to improve things. You both have had to scarifice for each other so put all the I did this and this and look at the reality of the situation. Money is often a major stress point and with four children I can't imagine. Your wife is stressed out because you have four children that you must feed and money is not coming in on a steady basis. Everyone wants a better life for themselves and their children why would your wife be any different. Most likely she has tried to talk to you about being unhappy about many different things for a long time and you just haven't heard her. Can you try to find a better job? Maybe learn a new skill? Did you spend time with your wife and help her around the house or with the children? Women are emotional and she may feel neglected. Reflect, write things down and make a plan for a better life not only for you but for your family. Even if things don't work out, looking at yourself to make you a better person will build up your self esteem which will help see you though all of this. Show her how much you love her and how much she trully means to you,sometimes when we are with someone for so long we stop trying. If at the end of the day she still wants to move on then you know that you've done everything you could to save your marriage and that should help you to heal at least a little. You can listen to the people who advise playing games and the people telling you to be a man but in the end do you really think that it might get your wife back or better yet help you heal and move on if it comes to that. I don't know your wife so anything is possible but you do. Read everyone's advice but in the end listen to your heart and you'll be ok. Trust me if your wife still loves you with some effort, communication, and understanding you can make it work.

Brandy

The more you push the more she'll pull away. Wow, I'm really sorry you are so heart broken, but I also know from experience that there is two sides to every story (three if you count the truth). But no matter why she left, you can't make her come back. Begging only makes you look even smaller and weaker and that is not attractive. The saying goes "never let em see you sweat". Buck up, try to go on with your life. What you can do is, without begging or crying, go to her as a man and tell her "look, this is the absolute last time I'm going to try and work this out". State your position, that you love her, don't want to break up your family, times are hard by sticking together makes it easier. Tell her all of that in a "man who takes care of his family" kind of way. Not wimpy, not whiny and not needy. If she still refuses to reconcile, then you MUST move on. You can get visitation rights to see your children but you can not make her come back to you. I'm sorry and I wish you luck.

drfriske

go on with your life

Boeafitness.com

let her be for now. if she truly loves you and wants you back she will do it in her own time.

don't keep pushing her or calling her all the time that will make her more angrier and think of you less of a man.

back off for now.

good luck

shannie

I agree, there's something more than a house that she feels she's missing. Don't beg her back. It will be hard, but a woman respects a man who respects himself and is strong. Begging her makes it look like you're weak and that will definitely not be a turn on for her. Just go on like you don't want her to come back. Maybe mention dating. Jealousy is a big motivator when someone isn't sure what they want. It will at least make her realize what she lost.

strawberri

LISTEN PLEASE
I was married 10 year's and we had a 3 bedroom house and with 2 small children ,but I also have had children from a previous marriage. but only our 2 small children lived with us because my other's were grown... my husband said his mother was dying and left to see her and he said he would be back in 2 week's so we paid all the house bill's filled the fridge just incase you know ... because we lived on both of our incomes' anyway's he never called and never came back 9 months later I saw him in town I cryed every day when he was gone... not knowing what I did begging him back when I knew where he was and he did the same thing to me not feeling anything when I cryed but I didnt do it for sympothy I did it because I was broken , I didnt want to live anymore but I did for my children.... I later seen him with another women and 2 small children ...... He finally yelled at me and said leave me alone that cut my soul to the depth's and I packed my stuff having no where to go moved to another state and went to a family homeless shelter and now... it has been almost 3 years.... and I have my own place nice ,, without him working 56 hours a week sometime's kid's are in good school and I don't hurt like I did before..... but I live....... and I live happy ..... leave her alone.... she probably has someone else.... I hate to say it.... but women of the world do need men like you..... you are gold ..... and I pray that god blesses your broken road............and mend's your soul.........

diva4u1981

let me first congradulate you on being a good husband and a good father bc the combination is hard to find in a good man. second, if you have done so much and you are trying to provide a home then i couldn't see why she would leave unless sje has a man that has boosted her into believing that he can provide more than you can. on the otherhand she may feel you have had ample time to give yall's family what they needed or what she needed and there has not been any progress and she wants you to realize that the time is up on her waiting for when your ready to give her what she wants. also, there might now be another man and she just needs time to think about what she really wants to do and she needs you to understand and not preesure her, and just give her the space she needs to think things thru. make her understand that whatever decision she makes that you completly have her back

henryredwons

fact is you did not ask how to get this woman to say yes to you when you were dating you doin't need advise you need a kick in the but in the right direction.i for one don't like anyone that does not like me so begging is out for this old white boy .if you wer as wonderful as you say you are then she would still be there as for another person many women don't need another person to get feed up with there husband so put that out of the pitcher .you going to accept that for now your on your own .i am sorry this msust hurt like heck

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