My wife says she doesn't know what she wants anymore. I don't know what to do. Do i let her have space?

We are young, I'm 20 and shes 22. We have been married since August of 2008. As of late, she has had family issues. Her sister was in the hospital, her brother in law and niece were in the hospital, and her dad just lost her job. We both work full time and own a house and are full time students. I know that there will be stress. As of late I feel as if she is getting irritated with me very easily. She barely says "I love you" or even "thank you." She gets home from work and goes directly to her sisters house until 10 or 11pm. I usually sit at home and cry because I feel she doesn't love me anymore. She is the type of girl that doesn't express whats on her mind that easily. Last night i finally got her to express some feelings. She stated that since our honeymoon, things have not been the same, and she feels that we rushed the marriage. She also stated that she doesn't know what she wants in life anymore. She states that she still loves me, but she just doesn't know what she wants. I asked her if someone else was involved and she said no and I 100% trust her. I do not know what to do. Should i let her have her space and stop trying to express my love for her so much? I do not know what to do, and i want to save our marriage, but im not sure if she does. Please Help!

MaryBlue

Don't give up and tell her not to either. seek councelling. Meanwhile both of you must talk and keep talking even if it's small at first; it's the only way you're going to know how to solve it

Good Luck!

bearsbullsfan

you sound like a very mature, sensitive guy, and she really doesn't appreciate you. she's young, but probably wasn't ready to get married yet. give here space, but not too long, and not too much. I would say about a month should give her time to sort out her feelings. be ready for the fact that she may conclude that marriage was a mistake. good luck to you.

Alexis

You need to stand by her...you love her and i see this...if not i know you wouldnt cry because men just dont do that...listen im not always nice to my husband either but i understand whats going on...shes got so much on her plate and she feels like she facing it alone so why not be alone right? wrong! she is feeling to much of this stuff.You guys have a great thing together she needs to understand that life happens but marriage is work and all this suffering her family is going through she is trying to make this her own suffering and its not a good thing because then she gets uneasy and feels like shes stuck in despair. Go with her if she doesnt mind to her sisters, suggest sending flowers to her unwell family or going to visit them or making them soup or food just do nice gestures for them and she will see your passion through that because you care as much as she does for the people she loves. she'll realize she made the right choice.Dont cry pa i know its hard but just try, love can be unfair but its just life giving you strength to make a way through the difficult situations that come with marriage so this way you can help others that go through the same. Its just strength training and you have to be her king right now. You's are young but you guys still have a life too. so try to come up with romantic things to do together too, not just so much her family. never lose track of where yous are trying to get.

free_angel

Tell her you do not have the time or patience to play these mind games. And if she continues with them, you will make up her mind for her and end the marriage.

cindy w

Don't crowd her. That is the absolute worst thing to do. Many women when they are going through things do not like a man that is "clingy". Just give her a little space and do nice things for her that are not intrusive (take her car and fill it up for her), help with household chores without her asking you, etc. Do these nice things without showing that you expect anything in return. She does sound very young (you both are young, but you seem to understand the commitment of marriage a bit better). Is she a professing Christian? If so, I would encourage her to visit the links I give. God takes our vows very seriously (the original marriage vows) and so should we. Blessings as you follow His voice...........

http://www.cadz.net
http://www.marriagedivorce.com
http://www.cpr-ministries.org
http://talkback.spiritofhosea.com/index.php

Shetedon

You guys should still be honeymooning. Maybe she is one of those girls that was just caught up in the 'wedding' and now don't know what the heck to do about the 'marriage'. Have talks with her and family and see where that leads. If nothing else, the marriage might be over. Thank goodness no kids are involved.<>

Christina R

The more you push, the more you push her away. If you become needy or clingy it will definitely drive her away. She needs you to be strong and secure right now, even if that is the last thing you are feeling. Tell her you understand she is having a tough time and let her know you love her and will be there for her if she needs anything but do not hound her about it.

There really isn't anything you can do but support her. Our happiness lies in our own hands, she will need to figure things out on her own. As there will be things you need to figure out also.
You are both carrying a lot on your shoulders right now, especially for two so young. Be patient with yourselves and each other. Get counseling, individually and as a couple if possible. If you are in school there's bound to be someone there you can talk with.
My prayers are with you both. God bless.

Yeah, that's the problem with settling down in your early twenties. Sometimes it turns out you're not quite as done growing up as you thought you were.

I'm not saying it's hopeless, mind, but continuing to retreat to your separate corners is only going to grow the rift. Keep talking. Encourage her to share her worries with you, without pushing her to act in a certain fashion. Gently ask if she'd be willing to cut back on the family visits a bit so you can spend more time together, and make time to relax with each other. If she just draws further into her shell, consider counseling. And above all, do make sure she knows you love her - just give her enough space to sort through her thoughts so that she doesn't see that love as suffocating.

jazzfanmd

If she feels a need to go to her sister's house every night until 10 or 11, maybe she needs to be married to whatever is over there instead of to you. Good luck!

Alyssa M

leave the tramp

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