My wife thinks I should ask her if she needs something, rather than her asking?

Dana H

This sounds like me and my husband with our first kid...

First you both need patience with each other.

Second, get her the book entitled "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura... That was a real eye opener for me as a wife.

Third, be willing to meet in the middle.

One thing I learned from my husband is that guys aren't that great at empathy. And that if I wanted anything, I had to tell him straight up. I also learned that if I want a man, I have to treat him like one. Guys aren't mushy and wanting to know how others feel. Guys are more physical and full of testosterone... it's been like this for centuries... while girls on the other hand are more nurturing and have much more empathy. Women are more vocal also as guys are just physical.

This pretty much explains how a girl can have her mind made love to by a romantic witty guy... and a guy can have his mind made love to by a nice rack and juicy booty!

well, that's what's got me through three kids and almost 10 years of marriage =) gotta understand each other.

"Don't wish for it to be easier, wish to be better" ~Jim Rohn

camila.

just ask. "do you need any help?" , "do you need anything?" simple as that. of course you're tired after a day of work, but so is she.

LoveAlways

Well

I think you need to take initiative without her asking. After all, it's your baby too. She shouldn't need to ask you to help out

HOWEVER

If there is something specific she needs help with, then yes, she needs to ask. You are not a mind reader!

video production

Right now her hormones make her completely irrational. You are doing nothing wrong, she should ask for what she wants. Maybe she thinks you care more if your bring up if she wants something instead of her asking. She surely can't expect you to read her mind, just at least for awhile ask her if she needs anything.

Tricia G

You're asking this...seriously?

Look, taking care of a baby is not the easiest thing in the world. She probably thinks that she is being a bad mom if she leaves the baby unattended for 5 minutes so she can take care of her own needs. She wants you to be her spear carrier and make her feel like you are providing for her by helping her meet her basic personal needs that she has been ignoring all day because of the baby. By doing this, it will be a turn-on for her because she will feel loved, appreciated and taken care of by her man.

You are spending more mental energy pondering this than it would take just to say "hi Dear. *kiss* How was your day? Is there anything you need right now?"

Coffeebeanz

Although it's irksome, I would just try to ask.

Taking the first step often results in better results than standing your ground and ends up with reciprocal thoughtfulness. Also, just a tip, being loving toward your children, counts as being loving toward your wife.

"What can I do for you? Can I hang out with this cutie and give you a few minutes?" It might be worth a try.

Theron

I think she wants you to be more verbal, if indeed you already do what she asks. I know it must feel frustrating when you come home from work, and expect a meal to be there, but there isn't one. My suggestion is to sincerely show her your concern for how HER day went, and explicitly ask what she wants for dinner. I think if you show her that you have enough energy to gladly make dinner yourself and do anything she wants you to after work, she will be blown away. You may not think you have the capacity to do all of this, but you will surpise yourself when you put your mind to it. However, NEVER expect anything in return. NEVER. As soon as someone feels coerced, they reflexively back away. After a while, I'm guessing that this energy and helpful attitude might rub off onto your wife. If it doesn't, then you should still persevere, because you should want to do anything for your wife(that's my opinion). Above all, however, you should follow your own heart.

loves christmas lights

It just shows her that shes on her mind by you asking. Being a new mom is not as easy as it sounds, and someone offering her say, hun, want me to take the baby so you can take a shower, or hun, would you like to go do the grocery shopping and Ill watch the baby while you go, works wonders in showing you care.
I know your just getting home from a hard days work, but you get to leave the location and go home, she on the other hand lives at her job site, that is the difference.
Believe me she will ask, but if you want some points, ask her how her day went, and actually listen, it might not be the kind of stuff you enjoy hearing, but hey it really helps as a new mom to have somoene ask, how was your day.
A marriage is a two way street, we try to see what our spouses like, and try to also let our spouses know what we like, this is so simple, so easy, you will learn during your marriage the small things men can do to earn extra points.
Shes not asking you to cut your arm off, shes asking for you to ask her if she needs something. IF you find that a blanket question is not a good thing as she will have too many things that she wants you to do, then ask a specific thing, hey Im on my way home, want me to pick up burgers so you dont have to cook.
Its the fact you take the time to show you care, and at this time, she really needs your moral support, and respect. Its sad she had to ask, had you asked a few times already shed not now feel like she had to push the issue, your a man you can do it!!!!

bac_1976

If you love your wife you ask, maybe not every time, but at least sometimes

the fact that you never do.............

jay

I totally understand what she means. I`m a woman and here`s the thing. She just wants that special detail from you so she can feel appreciated. Although I`m sure you already do, she even knows it.

Just remember that although you also work hard, she works even harder at home with a new baby, plus the chores of the house, so she just needs that special attention from you. She wants to feel that you care...although deep inside she does know that you care...but you asking her, will make her know it even more. I know, it sounds so psicological doesn`t it?, but after having a baby, emotions and hormones are all over the place.

It`s not the end of the world, just do so. When you get home, ask her if she needs anything, she`ll answer and you`ll be a great husband.

Kimy

she is a women right? so she just had a baby and is exustated ...
in this time ask her a couple times a day how she feels, what she needs. like when ur going home after work call and ask if she needs anythinghat will make her happy just be supportive about this
good luck!

DILLON

It is common courtesy. It is not going to kill you if you ask before she can.

Sarah M

Why should you have to ask? She's home all day and knows what's going on in the house. If she needs something done she needs to fill you in. No one is a mind reader, that only exists in science fiction. You seem to do a lot already. But, I'm really tired of people champion themselves for popping out a kid. It's not unique otherwise this would be a desolate planet.

Hisamazingwife

Both of you need to communicate better. You each expect one to read the other's mind. It's a wonder you got this far.

She's told you what she needs, she needs you to ask her if she needs anything. I don't see how that's hard and why it's not automatic for you.
Here's an example.
' hey beautiful, how was your day? oh, wow, ok, hey, can I get you something? let me take him and you shower, after he falls asleep, I'll come rub your neck
I don't see any warmth, are you a robot? :)
My hubby asks me all the time if I Need something.. it's just a common courtesy thing man..

I agree on the Book suggestion ( "Proper care and feeding of husbands" buy Dr. Laura Schlessinger) But I also recomend another one for the both of you to read called " cracking the communication code" by Dr. E Eggerichs.
Great book, not hard to understand, easy to like, the guys funny.
He's got another great one called " Love and Respect" funny as well.. f you got the time, it's well worth the read!

On A Journey

Well, you can't be a mind reader. On the other hand, have you spoken with her about what it's like for her now that she's a stay at home mom? She is probably exhausted and frustrated - there may even be times when she feels guilty asking for help. There is a lot of pressure on women to be perfect mothers. Maybe if you check in with her every day with a general question - like was there anything you couldn't get done today, but I can help you with? In her mind, you asking if there's anything you can do to help her is probably indicative of your care and concern for her.

x2000

This just in, women are crazy and think you should be able to read their minds. So just ask what she needs when you get home. Problem solved.

im the boss : )

she should just ask. you have been working all day (so has she) theres so much going on when you have a baby. she needs to understand that (no offense) men are just like that.

by the way, im not saying im better but i have 2 KIDS....im a stay at home mom and my husband works....i take a shower, bathe both kids, clean the house, play games, make bottles, change diapers....i even cook dinner when hes on his way home! i guess im just a super mom......

tommorrow when you get home say "get your *** in the shower" LMAO just kidding!

Sarah

tell her to grow up. If she wants to get up and work in a soul destroying job every day then she can, but until then she should be glad that you ar e working to provide for to be sitting around all day watching Ricki Lake and not doing a damn thing.

She should be glad you come home at all, women like that really bug me, where do they get such an over inflated sense of entitlement from?

Jennifer A

You can say "hello princess. What can I do to be of your majesty's service today?" It's the least you can do considering she went through all those hormonal changes for you to breed her a beautiful baby.

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