Need an outside opinion.............Pleas... help?

Dood

Let's see here. You knew he was having trust issues and you went out to a club without him and started dancing with another guy. Acting like that shows quite clearly that you are willing to lose your relationship with him.

When someone has trust issues and you are working to build trust, you are supposed to avoid situations that look bad. To a sane and secure person, what you did was completely innocent. But to a jealous husband, it was crossing the line. If you want to be with him, don't cross the line. That doesn't mean you have to obey his every command either. You both need to sit down and lay out some ground rules. Figure out for the both of you what is acceptable and what is not. Make sure you give yourself the freedom you need with this agreement. If he cannot agree, then he is simply too jealous and childish and will likely never change. In that case he will likely run you off anyway.

So stop acting like you're just innocently dancing with an old friend when you know you have a jealous husband who could be lurking around the corner. You could be jeopardizing your safety as well as the safety of the unsuspecting friend. Give your husband a reasonable chance to build trust in you or get out. As long as you stay with him and ignore his jealousy, you will only be endagering yourself and tormenting him.

darlingK

allow him to go and you will find another person.

dca2003311@yahoo.com

You need to reconsider this relationship.* You can be happy & happy or miserable & unhappy & lose your individuality & freedom to live a life apart from him & his controlling & manipulative, possessive, jealous, threatening conduct & behavior.*

livewire

If you have issues of trust you should not be going to a place where you get to dance with an old friend. He sounds like he is trying to get revenge and sounds like a childish yet abusive person. You both need to communicate better and you should only go out to dance with your husband. Trust is not something that you gain overnight. I guess I don't fall for your one sided story like most people.
Edit: The decision is yours. We can not make up your mind but it seems like he wants you to trade your freedom for saving a marriage. I personally would go for saving the marriage because nothing is worth the emotional problems that your boys will be facing when there is no father in the house. As I mentioned earlier trust can be gained over time but for now it looks like you have to hang around your husband more. The downfall is if he will take advantage of you and get physical again. You need to sit down with him and tell him that you may do the trading but if he gets physically abusive then you have to walk out. It is one thing not to have a father in the house but it is horrible if your children see the physical abuse in the house. I am hoping that this was a one time incident. I am sorry my dear.

evil_fallen_angel41

and why is he still there? why are you still with him?.. Hun you need to pack his stuff up an put it on the porch and say see you later. go straight to the courthouse and get a divorce... Because he is already being abusive things will not get any better and life is to short to live with someone who treats tou bad an makes your life unhappy I know I done that for 7 1/2 years.....

It may be tough in the beginning but things will get better just get out now before it is too late for you and he kills you instead of just beating on you!

Islander

Get out of there. Dont look back.

Tom S

he made that all up cause he has been having an affair all along, and was waiting for one little thing so he could get out of the house and be with her....

Kathy R

OH man...you really need to thank your lucky stars he's leaving. I had a fiance that was EXACTLY the same way. He accused me of sleeping with everything that moved. I know first hand how this wears on you and your self esteem. Let him go. Move on hun. It's the best possible thing you can do because men like that don't change. They get worse. Good luck.

notagain49

Wasn't I married to you once? You admit your husband had trust issues yet your dancing with someone else?OK,since he hurt your jaw he should be in jail.To bad they can't send women to jail for breaking guys hearts but if they did there wouldn't be any women outside of prison!Get a divorce,give him some relief.

Brutally Honest

And your question is.........?

If you're asking if his behavior is acceptable, it is not. He's controlling, abusive, and has extreme anger-management issues.

If you're asking if you should leave, the answer is a resounding YES. He is NOT the type of person you need to be around.
And think about this f**ked up double-standard he just demonstrated. YOU cannot dance with another man, but HE can hook up with and drive off with some skank he found just the day BEFORE?

PLEASE find a backbone, grow a set of balls, pack your sh!t and move out as fast as you can. File for a restraining order - because physical abuse IN ANY FORM is NEVER ACCEPTABLE, and find an attorney as soon as you're able to.

rhsaunders

The marriage is history. Under NO conditions, whatsoever, is physical violence acceptable. Get yourself to a shelter, and talk to a lawyer.

Squirrel

Without trust, there is nothing!! And he laid hands on you?? Leave him, at least temporarily, until he works out some of his own issues!!!

Rachel

That sounds absolutely horrible. I'm not sure what to recommend for you, but I know myself and I would leave because he seems to be mentally and physically abusive, but that's me. Do what your heart tells you is best.

Diamond Dogs

How convenient he already had some one to pick him up he could call, get out you dont deserve it.

starshock2008

he is abusive. If you do not leave now it only gets worse. please for your own safty leave. also have a male friend handy incase he won't let you leave. you have to get out while the chance is possible. how ever caution he could obsess and watch you get you alone and hurt you.

He has shown abusive behavior you must get out. Many people stay because they love the person, you must not be as foolish as them.
he will offer gifts for his wrongness, you must get out on grounds of your own safety. please heed warning.
I also bet other people have warned you of this.
It is not because they hate him it is because they care for you and expect better for you then your plans intend.
you must not stay, please heed warning.

Bambi 63

Every marriage deserves to be worked at, however if there is not any trust.. there really is no point..
My advise, cut your losses and get out before, you end up hating each other. If he is that physical over seeing you just dancing with someone ask yourself why? what has he been up to?
You both need to move on and be happy, cos you are not happy with each other.

Dr Melissa

This behavior on his part is disrespectful and he obviously doesnt trust you. You need to see a marriage counselor if you want to save your marriage. You cannot accept this behavior from your husband. His behavior is hurtful and totally inappropriate. He should never put his hands on you. If he doest want to see a counselor, I think you need to see one yourself and maybe get out of this abusive relationship.

RH Arizona

Sorry about your situation.

At a very minimum, you need marital counseling. If you've tried that, and it didn't work, and he still behaves like that, you need him out of your life.

You probably should buy an hour of time to talk to a divorce attorney, tell him what you've said above, and have him let you know what you are in for if you decide to leave him.

At least there will be a record of his violence, if only with the attorney. If it happens again, you should immediately call the police, and also get a restraining order against him.

Keep in mind, restraining orders are not what restrain people. Only the guy's RESPECT for the law and for the restraining order will do that. If he is so low as to hit women in the first place, he may well ignore the restraining order.

So you should immediately change the locks on your place so he can't get in, and ALWAYS have a cell phone with you 24/7 to call 911 if you need to.

Good luck!

HappyCamper

Been there and done that. It's a rough decision but a move has to be made. It sound like your husband is very jealous . From my experience I found the reason was he thought I was doing th same thing he was., he couldn't handle it. First of all, why do you go out alone ? This only leads to temptation and mistrust. When you are married you should find things to do together. How did he have the phone # of a girl he just met ? Doesn't it send up red flags to you ? Either work things to where you two go out together or split. You didn't mention is you have kids. If so , this is NO life for them. If he got physicial once-----he will again. Your age wasn't mentioned so if you're young then you're facing years of this abuse. I did it for 11 years and my kids were torn up all the time. The abuse got worse and each year it was nmuch worse, Finally my kids asked me about a divorce and they said they wanted to divorce dad. The abuse got so bad that I have a brain tumor that can't be taken out. Yea, been there and done that. At first I thought it was my fault somehow , But, it wasn't. When he'd go out he didn't dance but yet I'd smell perfume on him. Lipstick on the collar was a sign too. He always had an excuse and I fell for it for 11 years but, I finally wised up. I had a friend from work follow him one night and I even found out where his "friend" lived. Yeap, I showed up there one night and there they were naked. Now he wasn't fixing her plumbing, or least under the sink------if you get my drift. So I would suggest if you love him that either you go to a marriage counsler, Pastor, or talk and make some rules. Don't go to bars without each other and don't smother each other every second. If the rules work then hunting trips of fishing trips can work ,if you feel comfortabe with his going alone. Either you all come to an agreement now or I fear for you. If will only get worse and no one thinks it ever will. BUT IT DOES. GOOD LUCK AND I DO HOPE YOU CAN SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE If he is an alcoholic ,then there's no help ,unless he gets help for that.

Sundays Girl

Sounds like both of you need to decide if you want to be married or single. Going out separately sounds like being single. Certainly going out with pick-ups sounds like being single. And your verbally and physically abusive husband doesn't sound very encouraging to the marriage. I would suggest some counseling.

Double D

Get out of that asap

MarkyMarkC

He needs help! You need to wake up because he's going to HURT you if you don't separate from him soon!

Rhoda s

What do you mean opinion? Do you have to be run over by a semi in order to know it? Your boy Friend needs some counseling and so do you! If you both want this to work "spit the sheets!" Staying in a disrupted relationship is only prolonging a confrontation with reality, in plain words somebody is going to get hospitalized! Now, maybe he could send a brief question or request to the answer column like you did. I'm sure there are numerous people whom will guide the man to a proper place for help. Voluntary Counselor Western Illinois University

arew o

i think you in the wrong,why bcou we men dun like our wife to dance with other ppl.one song is ok lor but you go to far,you is the same as my wife,every night go out with the same men

BirdogsID

Get out.

I apologize for the brevity, but there is something wrong there.

Michelle D

Why were you struugling with trust issues in the first place?

mysty_1969

I see no reason to keep this marriage going there are too many issues involved to give it much of a chance. To begin with neither of you trusts the other, so why would you want to stay with someone you do not trust. Your husband seems to have no reservation about going out with and probably sleeping with someone else. He seems to have a need to be in control of you so that you have no freedom. In addition it appears he has no reservations about using physical force on you. Any one of these would be enough to question this relationship. No doubt your husband has issues with you as well so why would either of you want to keep living together. I think it is time to say goodbye and look for a more suitable partner for both of you. Face the facts you have no reason to continue with him.

Ski~nja

He sounds very immature, and that he got physical with you would be a deal breaker for me. Why would you suffer such behaviour?

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