Need opinion from married women who have been in similar situation.?

I'm 33 yr.s old...married for almost 8yrs...have a 6 yr. old girl...I graduate now with a B.A. in Elementary Education. My husband and I are getting back together again after I separated from him 8 months ago...he admitted to have called an escort. I left him cause he was concerned he got me infected...thank God..we both tested negative. We lost a house last yr. to foreclosure and moved in w/ his parents. That's why I took off to my parents house. For a while, I did not want to see him or know about him...I saw a divorce attny. We only stayed cordial cause of our daughter. He tried to get back w/ me...I would always argue w/ him. 2mo. after we separated, he began talking to different women younger than him. We got back togethere again around Feb. my daughter wants us back 2-gether...said she gets happy when mommy and daddy are 2-gether. Her comments break my heart....He told me he was happy we were gonna give this a try and make things better. I have sneaked into his email....I have found old messgs. from Dec. and Jan. of a woman he was talking to. He always has told me they have been friends, etc. I think not...there was more..she was married...anyways, I want to know if they slept 2-gether? He has denied it after I have asked him point blank. Anyways, we are moving into an apartmnt. this wk...have bought all our furniture..we are starting from scratch again. One day I will be fine and the next...I think I'm obsessing to know what they had ...he told me he doesn't think about her, why am I bringing it up...he thought we are starting again. Bottom line, I wish he would of fought harder for our marriage. I have mixed feelings about moving in. I don't trust him although he has told me that he has missed having his family together. When do I start believing him? Should I let go of whatever he had while we were separated? Why do I tend to look back and wanna know what went on in the past and not concentrate in the future? Should I let this go? I'm in pain.

brwneyedgrl

You dont trust him because he broke that part of you by cheating on you originally.. that takes time, possibly years to heal and only he can heal that for you by proving to you that he can be trustworthy.. trust is earned not given..

As far as the chic online in Dec and Jan.. you were seperated.. fact.. during the 8 months that u were seperated nothing should be held against either of you during that time..although tech. married u were not living as husband and wife... and as long as it stopped by the time u and him got back together in Feb. then u should let that go. What u cant let go of is what he did while u were married.. and he needs to understand that it takes ALONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG time to heal from that kind of scar.. and he needs to be patient, he needs to be open with all information.. emails, phone numbers, where he's going.. etc.. the more open he is the less he can hide, the more you will start to gain trust in him when he shows that he can be trusted.. but it will be hard on both of you.. u'll be fighting for him to prove he can be trusted, and there will be times that u act interagating, possessive, insecure, and irrational.. and on his part there will be times that he feels like he's being treated like a child, that he's being smoothered, that no matter how much he tries that its not enough for you.. If u both seriously want this marriage to work, u both have to be patient with each other.. and be open with each other.. and understand that this is going to be hard to repair that it will take time, and know what ur both up against if your going to make it through..

My personal oppinion/advice.. your moving to fast to get back together.. Feb was only a few months ago.. i think your making it to easy for him to come back which 9 times out of 10 usually means that a man will go back to old habits.. If i were in your shoes, id date him for awhile. and make him prove while we were seperated that he really wanted me back , make him prove that he's changed, that he wants his family again that he's willing to do anything and everything to have it back.. and he'd know if he slipped up at all during this period that it would be done for good..

MOST people who cheat (not all, but most) cheat again.. im only concerned that by letting him back in so easily and not working this out properly that he will view this as weakness on your part and eventually will do this again except be better at it the next time as far as hiding it.. alot of guys think (see she cant leave me no matter what i do.. and so they keep doing it thinking that no matter what their woman wont go anywhere or that they can easily get her back so they want their cake and eat it too) so becareful...

Jane Marple

When someone decides to go back to a cheating spouse, it is imperative that this person forgets and forgives about the past. You said yourself you are starting from scratch, so don't bring along your doubts and suspicions.

Why did you get back with this man? nowhere in this text you're saying you're still in love with him. I hope you're not doing this for your daughter, marriage and divorce is an adult matter, 6 y/o have nothing to say in the matter and should never been asked to provide an opinion! that makes them feel like they're responsible.

Not everyone can erase the past. Some women can, others can't. Only the future will tell if this was a good decision or not.

Just Surfin

If you're going to keep beating him up with the past, then there's really not a future for you.

popablue

only you can make up your mind on your feelings they are yours you know. if you want a good program for help try this web site it helped me,and some of it is free. http://www.MortFertel.com/assessments.asp
good luck and remember if you really love each other everything can be worked through. 30 yrs of marriage experience with lots of ups and downs but still growing and learning and loving each other. by the way i'm the husband and i am the one who contacted Mort for help.

ranger_co_1_75

Time will take the edge off of it, but it will never go away. You will always be suspicious of him and will always have some hurt over his infidelity.

Only you can decide whether you can live the rest of your life in pain, and not trusting a man who uses escort services and text other women.

If you can live with it, then stay where you are at, if you can't live with it, then it is better for the child and you to move on.

Karla

You need to believe your marriage has a chance. You need to let him show you it is his priority. That said, he needs to be able to show you that.

They say, men with nothing to hide, hide nothing. So that means you have to have an agreement with him that from Day 1 there are no secrets, no lies, no omissions. Absolute honesty from that day forward.

And you can do your part of being in the moment and looking toward the future and planning all the good times you can have as a family, instead of dwelling on the past.

Best of luck.

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