Need some advice on our relationship?
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Need some advice on our relationship?
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Sorry if it seems like I am rambling on and on, but i have a lot to say...I have been with my fiance going on three years and we have been renting an apartment for almost a year now. I have noticed that he is a very selfish person and I do not know if that is something I can put up with for the rest of my life. Everything, and I mean everything, is "his way or no way"
FOR INSTANCE:
He does not like the area we live in, but I grew up here, so I am used to it, it is where my family is. He was a military kid and moved all around the world, and I told him that I would not mind moving, but I do not want to be further than 4 hours away from my family when I become pregnant. I told him I have always wanted my mother to be relatively close when we start a family of our own. He said absolutely not, he cant stand this place and wants to move south.
He also want to go back to school at a technical college in Georgia(which is 10 hours away), without thinking twice I agreed to move down there for two years, so that he can go to school. Well this has happened before, he wanted to go to school in PA and wanted me to follow him there, but I stood my ground and told him No, there is nothing up there for me! But even though I rejected the idea he did not care, he was willing to up and leave me to go to this school that was "SOOO important to him", so now we are supposed to be moving to Georgia in July. He was being selfish over the puppy we were going to get, I told him I wanted a jack russell puppy, but he wanted a German Short hair, so we started to get the puppy he wanted, THANK GOD it didnt work out. Even my co workers and friends are always saying how everything we do, is what he wants to do.
I know in a relationship there should be compromise, both of us should sacrifice for one another on some things. I love him very much and he loves me. I do not think recognizes how selfish he can be. We have talked about it before, but it always goes back to "normal". Should I go to Georgia for him? Would he make the same sacrifice for me when I want to back to school? Should I marry someone when I see this flaw?
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Patricia M
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Well, here is the problem. It wil ALWAYS be about him. My sister is in the same situation, but she won't admit it or talk about.
I would say, do not marry this selfish man, because you are going to be one unhappy women when he NEVER changes. |
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Say it Like it Is :)
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I would leave before you marry this guy and are miserable for the rest of your life. |
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Space Cadet #5
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Good for you to see this now. It won't change, so decide if you want to have it this way or not. All couples have power struggles and need to choose their battles. Some people haggle over everything and end up with 50/50 decisions. Other people let one spouse win most of the time, but the other spouse might always have veto power or make the biggest decisions like investments or houses.
Over time, you might want to focus on letting him have his way on things you don't care about or can bend with. That way when you have something you really want, he will be more willing to do it your way. |
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MM
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Based on what's here, I don't think marriage would be a good idea for you two right now: not so much because he's selfish, but because it doesn't sound like either of you can compromise, or at least respect why the other person feels the way they do about something. It sounds like his vision of the way he wants his life to look and what he wants to do with it is different from yours, and the two of you need to either hash that out once and for all or confirm that it's just not going to work before you make a binding commitment. |
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cruise
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well, all you said raises red flags. and it is good that you are not blinded by love !
i conceive marriage as a wheel ,which both partners give it a push to turn !
so if you are the only one pushing you will end up tired and empty while he'll end up as an achiever and winner ! and who won't be with all of this support !
well i think you better test the water before you dive in ! i mean pick something you want and see if he will support you the way you are supporting him and his decisions .
it is the rest of your life we are talking about , and it deserves a little bit of testing !!
a small test : like picking a restaurant ( while knowing he dislikes it )
see if he'll please you for one time . see what happens if you decide to get a cat..pick anything .i don't know what you really want from your life , i don't know your dreams or goals . pick anything and see if he is supportive ! well sometimes a controlling and selfish person shows his true colors from little things !
best of luck to you |
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