Need some advice please?

I'm 41 i'm married been married for 3 years and i have a 17 year old son my husband is 35. Anyways, before we got married i talked to my husband about kids (that i might not want any more because of my age and the risk) well he said that it's ok it wouldn't bother him if we didn't have any because his job would keep him busy. Well now he is changing his mind, he wants a child only because the bible tells so (be fruitful and multiply). I understand that his desires are changing, but now he said that he is going to leave me after he gets back from his sisters wedding because he wants a child and i fell that i'm just not into having kids because of the risk with my age and we can't afford to have a baby, and he said that having a baby would bring us closer together but i don't know about that. His family treats me like crap. So if anyone has any advice for me i would appreciate it.

strawberry

You should ask him if he REALLY wants to have a child or he wants a child just because the bible says it. He has no right to change his mind after wards and expect that you will to. You need to decide if you want to have a child or not. He can not force you. If he force you he does not love you, because a real lover respects your choice.

stupendous

Is this his first marriage? Does he have any children of his own? One would think that the driving force behind his needs is the desire to have a child of his own, a legacy.

If he is wishy-washy enough to tell you that he is leaving over this disagreement, you better think long and hard. That is before you end up pregnant.

There are lots of studies and informational results out there that explain the risks of child-birth after 40. Take some time to research this issue, and you might be able to present a stronger case for your side. However, I sense the issues are deeper than just this one. Feel good about yourself, your 17 year old son, and stay positive.

IndyGirl

It sounds like your new husband's family has been turning up the heat and he's passing it along to you.
Don't fold and try not to get too upset yet, Sweetie.
Take him to a GYN and talk frankly about high-risk pregnancy: you may need fertility help, extra monitoring, the risk of a special needs child, etc. That may be enough for him to change his mind... bring him back to reality so to speak.
If not, then you go from there.
He may not be a match for you in the long run, b/c he DOES have the right to want what he wants -- to be a father -- and you absolutely DO NOT have to put yourself at risk to fulfill that if you ultimately choose not to.
But I think that would be something to explore with a professional.
Good luck to you!
xoxoxo

Debbie B

I understand the age factor, but women have given birth at a much older age with no problem. I only say this just incase this is your major reason for not to.

Now, the fact that you guys can't afford a child is reason enough to reconsider to thought of having one. He should take this into consideration. Bringing a child into the world is very expensive.

I think you should have a talk with your hubby and express these two things that concern you.

I also understand his desire of having a child specially if he doesn't have any. Best thing to do is to give him one and try to work out the issues that concern you.

About his family, well, you need to bring that up as well.

isabelle

hmm just because you love him, doesnt mean u have to be with him
if hes trying to pressurize u into something u dont want to do, then dont do it
if he loved you thta much, hed accept you for who you are, and your decisions and oppinions, hed stay with you just because he loves you, baby or no baby

if i was you id tell him that i think im too old for a baby, and i dont want anymore, i love you but this obviously cant work cause i cant give u what u want

or something like that

x

weiner1

Let him go if he thinks he needs to go. its not worth your health. you have children that are almost grown. if i was your other children i would be kinda not liking the idea cause if somethin happened to you during this pregnancy, i would be furious and never forgive this man for taking away my mother. yes, alot of people are doing it these days but, i would not risk it. LET HIM GO! its not worth it. good luck

Harmony19

Probably at this age the chances of you conceiving is very much less. so go ahead and don't argue. Nature will take its course.

fman440

Sounds like he's making an excuse to leave you. Its your body, not his!! Also, why is he changing his mind after the fact of your marriage? Something esle is up girl, you need to tell him that this is a joint venture and he needs to be in your shoes sometimes, and wake up to the facts of life. To have kids just to have kids is no reason to have kids. And if you think having a kid is going to save your marriage, that is wrong, if you have to save your marriage that way, you have no marriage. As far as his family, they need to accept you or stay out of your life, as I said, its your body and your future too!

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