Need some advice, what to do with my husband?

Lisa

Don't push...you had an argument today...he probably doesn't want to hear anymore of your feelings today, because he has already heard them in the argument, and now he has his feelings to deal with. We handle things differently, sometimes, and that is okay. He too might be really upset and is looking for ways to distance himself a bit as opposed to you wanting to share. He might feel that you are forcing your feelings on him, and he is resenting you for it. Sometimes, we have to find other ways to express our feelings, (like journaling) or find someone else to share it with. Guys just like to deal with it and leave it alone, they don't want to talk about it after it has been resolved. He might be up for hearing about your feelings on another day, but right now, and probably later, he will think you are arguing again.

Maybe a couple of weeks from now, sit down with him and ask him how HE feels after you have had an argument. Instead of accusing him of not being there for you, try to get to know him by finding out how we likes to deal with things when you have an argument. (Ask him why he withdraws after an argument, and does he want time to himself etc.) Then the next time you have an argument, you can come to respect each others boundaries and find a time that is more suitable to share your feelings...you know...find compromise. You can't deal with what you don't know, so find out what you need to know, so next time, you can avoid the frustration and pain after an argument.

mike f

dance around in some lingerie any man with a heartbeat would drop an xbox for that

Rina

Yes that is perfectly normal because guys do that sometimes. Games are really addictive, and if they can distract them from their loved ones. However, his behavior is unacceptable if you are crying and want to talk to him, he should at least pause the game and listen. I don't know what the argument was about though so it might be something bigger. Just wait it out, give him a day or so and i'm sure he will come around. When you are both feeling normal, talk to him and say he cannot just shut you out whenever he chooses to because it hurts you and you feel like you have no one to turn to. Good luck!

katey b

throw the damn game out!!!!!

whatzername?

They are your feelings. They are meant for you to feel. Not impose on other people. You had a problem that you sorted out. Game over. Go take a bubble bath with candles and nice music.

oneNY

my guy gets like that sometimes. for some reason, they don't like confrontation and hate long and dragged out arguements. that is not good that is being insensitive, especially when you went off crying. maybe you should try talking to him about it another time, and calmy explain to him that he really hurt your feelings when he did all that. i know it is easier said than done, we all want a boyfriend or husband that is attentive to our needs. not sure if that helps, good luck!

ELVI

sounds to me like he doesnt want to listen to you speak 'whinese' anymore. maybe you should grow up and learn to handle your problems and stop whinning about them

well you put it in his hands and he is at home not running around on you be thankful and also he has something to do the games just like you are here asking questions he is playing to.

cousinbonehead

why not play xbox with him. what is it you two did when you got along. you need to find equal ground or your going to go into 'me, me and only me' type of distance.

Phia R

If this is just a recent problem, I would suggest that you just give him a couple of days because you don't know how he's feeling and he might just need a break. If it goes on for while longer, you need to tell him how you feel - try and get him to open up and ask him to be a little more attentive.

Megan

I'd call Santa and have that xbox 360 reposessed! I think the problem is that he's really into his new 'toy' and that he doesn't want to be bothered or interrupted. I don't think he personally hates you or thinks you're annoying, but it's more due to him being into the game that he's playing.

Xanney

you are being too needy... if you really want to resolve the disagreement you'll need to speak to him as in reasonable tones with a reasonable argument and not run into the room and get on the computer... and complain that he's playing Xbox

gimpee123

Everybody has off days and maybe this is one of his , but if this happens all the time then you need to move on or you will be miserable the rest of your life with this man!!

john d

I would like to ask a question to you, how much time do you spend on the computer? or watching tv? Could it possibly be that he has in the past felt neglected himself and feels this is a way to get back? Some times young couples disconnect from each other because of small things that happen.

wmorvel

turn off the xbox and let him know your love is more important.

primalclaws1974

Two questions ina row almost identical headings! If this is just a "today" situation, let the guy play his Xbox! Geez. Typical womanly behavior...they must ALWAYS be the center of attention. You run in the other room, and expect the guy to run after you when he just got done saying he doesnt want to talk anymore??

eugaul2006

I think you may be way too much into yourself. Give him space. When he asks you to stop, then stop. Guys don't want to be nagged.

As for yourself, try to make some friends outside of your marriage. Then it will be both healthy for you and your husband. Also, perhaps you need to lighten up a bit.

bssd12000

It is difficult when a man has an affair with an inanimate object. I know because mine has one with the computer, not chatting just online auction or news whatever the internet is offering. Anyway, you will have to find a time that he is not on the game and then you will have to start talking to him. During the time he is not on the system, you can say to him something like, "Honey, I feel like when you are on the xbox it is hard for you to listen to me. Is there a time we can fix so that we can talk about anything?" You don't have to say that exactly but one thing you should do is start the sentence with I not you. If you start it with I then he is more apt to listen because it is a statement. If you start it with you then it is an accusation and it automatically makes him shut down.
Also since you are feeling so alone with his actions perhaps you could do the same thing. You may not like it but maybe you could get on the xbox and start playing then when he starts to complain let him know this is what he does and you really like playing (could be a little lie but for a purpose) and you are just testing it out you figured the extra game time couldn't hurt the machine.

Laurie

When you are both calmer, you need to sit down and talk together. Communication is the key in a relationship. If you cannot talk and relate with each other, what CAN you do? You need to tell him flat out how you feel about his actions and your argument, and then say how you can BOTH improve in solving the issue. For example, you could say, "I really feel that we were not communicating well the other night, and I don't want it to happen again. It really upsets me when you are not willing to solve our problems together and that you would rather play video games instead. I really care about you and I care about our relationship." You need to stress the fact that you aren't happy and that you want things to change. Don't yell, don't grow frustrated, don't threaten - even if he does, you shouldn't. Just sit there and talk maturely, as adults, about the situation.

Remember, every couple has their ups and downs. But if this is consistant, and you constantly feel this way, then maybe you should seek some counselling. If your husband refuses to go with you, just go alone. Find a way to communicate better with yourself AND your husband. It will be worth it in the long run.

XOXO,
Laurie

Sounds like he can't deal with the issue at hand right now. Give him a day or two, he'll come around. Just because he's having an "off" day doesn't mean he has stopped caring. We act irrational sometimes too.

â™¥The Mrs.â™¥

I understand that you are upset, but by trying to force him to listen to you after he has told you he no longer wants to talk about it anymore you are disrespecting him just as much as he is disrespecting you.

He has a new toy, let him play with it for a while and talk to him when he is doing something he is not engaged in.

jackedup400

he just really likes the game. guys love video games . in a month he won't even remember the game . unless he gets another game

janicajayne

Perhaps he's tired of hearing about your feelings and listening to you whine. You bought him the game, can't complain about it now. Guys don't like to talk about feelings and they sure don't want to hear about them.

"everythings liscious"

I think guys can shut off emotion 1000x easier the women can. And you did just give him a 360, so of course he's going to be testing it and testing and testing it some more.

Maybe you should just try to relax and get your mind off it for now. Got any books? Organize your closet. Go for a walk if it isn't cold where you live. OR, get a few sheets of paper, get everything out on paper, read it, and evaluate your thoughts. Then rip it up, burn it, or destroy it any way you can. This will help to get it off your shoulders.

You did know that he would be glued to the TV with this xbox, right? I mean, he's a guy!

Beto

take that video game away and while he is asking for it then you talk to him there. he is bound to listen to you. or have some little kids breake it. lol

take back the xbox you bought it

Lizzy

go to a marriage counselor. or, take a weekend and go on a trip to hawaii with him

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