Newlywed Problems

Newlywed Problems - Help?

My husband and I have been married for 10 months. I am in law school so I'm busy studying most of the time, but he will not help me with any chores. I do the laundry, clean, take out the trash, wash the dishes, etc. The only thing he does is cook. I asked him if we could start having healthy meals because he cooks greasy, fatty meals. He refuses, and I do not have time to cook because I'm busy with school and all of the other chores. We have both gained weight, and I have no energy anymore.

Today, he threw some towels at me when he saw that I had forgotten to remove them from the dryer. When I got upset, he said that I do not have a sense of humor. He also gives me the silent treatment for as long as 24 hours. When I ask him what is wrong, he responds by slamming the doors around and ignoring me. When he is not working, he is playing video games or watching TV.

Am I doing something wrong? His mom was a stay at home mom, so I feel like he expects me to do everything while I also earn my degree. I'm not getting my JD so I can sit at home and babysit him. I always thought that marriage would be great, but now I feel like I'm going to be miserable for the rest of my life! I'm only 24. Any advice?

Lesleigh

Law school is MORE than a full-time job. If I were you, I'd stop doing any housework at all. Why should you be doing all that stuff?

Also, stop eating his unhealthy food. Get pre-made meals from Whole Foods.

When your husband sees you can feed yourself and aren't gonna clean up after him like his mom, maybe he will re-examine his views/habits.

HeatherLynn

My first question is: Does he work Full-time? If not... then he needs to be doing something around the house! If he does, then...

You are going to get a variety of responses on this... "Half out the chores, he needs to help... blah blah". And then, there will be some responses like mine:

I have been HAPPILY married for almost 5 years. My husband has never done laundry, washed the dishes, cleaned the house, cooked (except on the grill). I find joy in showing my love and respect for my husband by doing all these things for him.

I understand that not everyone thinks like me... but this is what works for us. My husband loves, respects, and appreciates me.

If that's not how you are, then I suggest y'all make a list of all the chores and divy them up. Let him pick what he would be willing to do to commit to helping around for y'all's relationship.

However... that silent treatment mess needs to go... that is so immature. He needs to man up and learn how to have a conversation and work out the issues! Y'all need to sit and have a talk... "all-outs" (as I call them... you get it all out on the table, nothing to hide and talk about everything).

Gaining weight?- Welcome to Newlywed-ville!! Don't stress so much... y'all're trying to get the whole married thing figured out: who does what? who likes to eat what? and all.

Good luck... sit down and talk with him.

Tracy L

Yes, you are doing something wrong. You have emasculated him. Not saying that you did anything that you shouldn't do, but in his mind you are the woman so you are the one to do the housework, no matter that you are in school, work, or anything else. The one thing you did wrong was to marry a kid. You never said his age, but sounds like a spoiled 10 year old to me. My advice...give him an ultimatum. Shape up or ship out. Tell him what you need and want him to help with, if he can't do that, well, you might as well face it, you are on your own. So, don't add to your trouble by having to take care of a child. And go slap his mom for pampering the boy.

InspectorBudget

You'd better have a good talk with the guy.

If you continue to tolerate this kind of behavior, it will only get worse. the guy is being absolutely selfish and thinks only about himself.

If you can't get him to sit down, you should seriously consider leaving him for a while, or going for counseling.

Either way, do NOT let the situation continue like this.

Brad V

Well, he sounds like an ***. But, I don't think you should complain about the one thing he does do - cook. He's cooking what he knows how to cook. If its unhealthy just eat less of it. Thats the secret. You're gaining weight because you're eating too much. If it were me and you complained about my cooking, I would tell you to do it yourself.

__A_YAHOO_USER__

Doesn't sound like you're giving him any credit for cooking. Cooking is a big deal. Also, are you overlooking anything? Does he do yard work, the finances? As for the silent treatment, two can play that game. I personally would try to talk to him, but if he won't listen, I'd write a letter. If he doesn't try to work out the problems together, your marriage will be in very bad shape. Lastly, when you say you go to school, how long? If you're at school for 4 hours and 2 hours homework and he works and commutes for 9 hours a day, you should be doing a lot more chores than him. If he throws towels or anything else at you again, I'd call the police.

â™¥B@BY~GURLâ™¥

IT SEEMS HE IS REALLY SELFISH TALK WITH HIM EXPLAIN YOURSELF

Katia

The big question here is "Was he like this before you two were married?" If so, then that should tell you something right away. I can see how his childhood treatment by his mother might influence his part in your relationship, but you and his mother are two entirely different people and you don't deserve to have that taken out on you. If not, then that should also tell you something. If he all of a sudden became more slovenly as soon as you two were married, then he might be in it for the convenience. You are a working woman trying to build a life for yourself, and being married means that you share the responsibilities. In your situation, even, he should be taking on the majority of the chores because of how much work you have outside of the home. If you speak to him seriously about helping out and he still is unwilling, then it might be time to do a little individualizing. What if you do YOUR laundry and YOUR dishes and only ask him to clean up the messes he makes? It could be a step in the right direction toward the sharing of responsibilities.

A A

sounds like he wants a mother, not a wife, and that he wants to be a boy, not a husband. Sorry :(

jessy1978

Talk to him about it. If he won't talk to you then ask him to go to counseling with you. Check out your colleges health services dept. A lot of schools have programs for couples.

hazzeleyes0

Being a Newlywed is stressful in itself!
Tell him your feelings,explain that you don't want to argue but rather want to fix things.
Ask his feelings on the issue as well.
Listen to his thoughts.
He may not even realize you're stressed out about it all.
Suggest hiring a Housekeeper that would agree to preparing an occasional cooked meal.

Bio hopeful

tell him to grow up! if he wants a mom, he can go back home.If he wants a wife, he can grow up

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