Newlywed freaking out?

I've been married for about 8 months and we dated for 2.5 years before that. When I met my husband we were both college students and I paid for most things for about the first year and a half of our relationship. He lived with me rent/bill free, didn't buy groceries or anything. It didn't bother me because I knew it would be ok once he finished school. Before we even got engaged I made it clear that if we were to get married I did not want to work. He was more than ok with this. So we buy a house (we split the down payment but he pays the mortgage) and then a year later we got married. Ever since we got married he constantly brings up the fact that he makes all the money and I do nothing. He doesn't appreciate anything I do around the house and tries to make me feel bad. When I confront him he always just apologizes, but then he does the same thing again!! I am at my whit's end with this. I don't know what to do and lately it's gotten a lot worse because he started working from home. So we are together ALL day and he's driving me insane, I just want him to go away sometimes. He has completely alienated himself from all of his (former) friends and has no hobbies or interests outside of his computer screen. I try to get him out of the house, but my efforts are in vain. Please help, I'm so confused.
Additional Details
First of all I just wanna say that my nickname is from Star Wars you douche bags, I'm a geek not a princess. Anyway thanks to those who actually got the point. The issue is not that I don't work, it's that before we were married it was ok, but now that it's official he uses it against me. I DO get out of the house, I teach Pilates and have other interests/hobbies. Please respond to the real issue.

mickey mouse

Wow....some of the responses are really waaaaaay off base. Anyway, I agree with you that's it's a problem since you all agree prior to getting married that you wouldn't work. If that's what you two agreed on then he shouldn't throw it in your face. I think you two should sit down and discuss why now (all of a sudden) he's having issues with you being at home. Hang in there....it'll only make you stronger in the end!

Valerie X Account #19!!!

"Before we even got engaged I made it clear that if we were to get married I did not want to work."

No wonder he has ZERO respect for you......your a lazy bum...tell us, praytell WHAT do you do ALL day that you can't get a job?

Seems to me, I have two sons ages 11 & 13, a house that I keep IMMACULATE and a full time job........what do YOU have????

No woman's puzzy is THAT worth it....just in case you were not aware!

sarah

You really have no reason to complain. Your husband pays all the bills and you don't have to work????? Are you kidding??
I pay all the bills, work full time, take care of 3 kids, and I'm pregnant.
Plus you have only been married 8 months and you get annoyed that he's home all the time? I WISH I got to see my husband, we both work and barely have time to look at each other.
Maybe you should re-evaluate why you even got married in the first place.

GUY bein' a GUY

Excuse me .
GET A JOB !

You are married not adopted.

Where did you get the idea that marriage is a contract to allow you to sit at home while he works?

snik

I know you said you didn't want to work after you got married, but unless you have kids, don't you get pretty bored? A part time job would get you apart from each other a bit and also stop him from being able to say he makes all the money.

Tricia G

Why are you so adamantly opposed to working?

EDIT: a lot of things are great in concept but don't work in reality. Coca Cola thought it would be great to change its formula about 25 years ago. Great concept; terrible reality. New Coke was an absolute failure.

So either he didn't believe you when you said you wanted not to work post-marriage, or now that the economy is crap and he is worried about keeping his job, etc. your "I want to stay at home and teach pilates 3 hours a week" isn't practical. He may have agreed to the concept thinking that your not working would be after babies were born instead of immediately.

Why did you waste your daddy's money going to college if your plans were to get your MRS and stay home all day?

Lady

I think that he is resentful of you because you are not working. Plain and simple. What do you plan to do with your college degree? I think you better re-evaluate your goals. I could understand if you want to be a 'stay at home mom' but you haven't even had kids yet. Find a job and try to do something "productive' in your life. A job will make you feel better about yourself and you will appreciate the time you guys spend together.

Myth_Understood

Your nicname tells me all I need to know about your attitude, and why you're in this predicament.

To begin with, you didn't "date" for 2.5 years, ok? You lived together and even bought a house together for most of it, so your perspective might need an adjustment.

Now, an analogy might help you to understand how you and your man are speaking two different languages. You're trying to buy something in a currency that he doesn't accept. You say that he doesn't appreciate what you do around the house. Do you mean that you keep the house clean, the fridge stocked, and the beds made - that kind of stuff? Umm ... ok ... and your point is!?! Seriously !!!! SO flippin WHAT !! That's your JOB now, ok? You're SUPPOSED to do all that stuff now, ok? Do you want him to give you props for cleaning the toilet and running the dishwasher? Not gonna happen!

If you want props, then do something prop-worthy. When you got together, you were someone else. You were WORKING.

Yea ... it DOES MATTER.

So take that rediculous crown off of your head, and be a wife, ok? Be his partner.

Best of luck !!

BloggingPrincess

LOL Valerie, don't mince any words.

Never marry a woman whose father calls her a Princess (or apparently who considers herself to be science fiction royalty) because she will believe it herself and expect to be served.

Two more words come to mind: gold digger

You're lucky he doesn't kick you out on your butt and force you to get a job.

Clementine

I think that the two of you could retire sooner, or you would be able to afford to go on vacation, or have a better quality of life if you worked, too. It's one thing when you have children, but if you don't what the heck do you do all day? I'd go nuts!

Terry C.

Uh...First, get off the throne you perched yourself on, QUEEN Padme...If he's the one paying the mortgage, he could kick YOUR a*s out...

Did it ever occur to you that maybe he just wants YOU to go away sometimes?...i.e. DO SOMETHING USEFUL...HELP OUT WITH THE BILLS...GET A JOB...

Katie

go get a part time job and do something

Future Mrs. Ortiz

i think that you should get a job. a marriage is a mutual commitment and although at the time he said it was ok it might not be now. maybe its a struggle for him and he thinks that its unfair that you dont want to offer any assistance to the financial need. If you dont want to work so much then maybe think of getting a part time job to help out at least. Carrying the burden around can be tough on one person alone and things dont go as planned so maybe you should reconsider this not working thing and help out for the sake of your marriage. Also why would you go to college if you didn't want to work? You should have goals and hobbies as well. Good Luck

caraohara

It's possible he has become resentful towards you , because you don't work. Even if you did tell him before you got married that you would not be working...he may now think it's unfair that he has to do all the work to bring in the money . You should talk to him again about this situation ..ask him if it would make things better if you got a job to help towards the upkeep of the home....then take it from there. He might be finding it a bit of a strain doing all the work.

Dawn

First talk to him ,ask him what is wrong ? Go out and get a part time job or volunteer at a hospital or school, church , lots of things out there to do. Get yourself involved with something instead of dwelling on him. You will make yourself feel better and have self esteem. Yes you may have wanted to stay home but things change when you get married or are together all the time. You have to make scarfices too. It's not always what you want it to be. Good Luck

originata

Why can't you get out the house once in awhile? You get a hobby or a part-time job if you want time away from him. Let him know that throwing the money situation in your face is not acceptable. Not that it's hurts your feelings, but unacceptable.

mariapavletic

The next time he talks to you disrespectful ( "I'm making all the money, and you're doing nothing",...) Tell him:"Do not talk to me like that. I don't like it", and walk away, you don't fight with him, it makes things worse. It is a kind of domestic abuse ( verbal, emotional, economic,) More tips to handle out domestic abuse in a book called Taking Power in an Abusive Relationship by Agata Campos. If he doesn't want to go out, you can go out without him, in order to don't spend to much time together, it is adding more stress in the relationship.

Zurich D

get yourself a job and say to him what he says to you personally i would think you should get a job because i wouldnt keep my money with a man they are so childdish it would really get under my skin be independent

Roberto

He may be hopeless, unfortunately. I'd seriously think about ending it, before you get stuck in a dead end marriage for a long time. you'll just end up being frustrated

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