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Tara
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Just tell him - simply - that the flirting has to stop.
Don't give him any reasons.
Don't give him reasons just in case you are reading too much into it (this will cover that base for you not to be embarrassed).
Just know - if he wants out of that marriage - he would leave - he would not stay in it. Many flirtageous men say they are unhappy - when their marriage is really good .. it's just that they are a flirt.
Be smart .. stop it now .. tell him the flirting has got to stop - and it all has got to backed-off from. And .. if he continues the flirting -- take an exit away from him .. don't put up with it .. and don't take part of it.
Tell him to flirt with you - when he is a divorced man. |
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JustMyOpinion
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Tell him flat out- you both should have enough respect for his wife and his marriage to keep your paws off each other. You're in charge of how far things go. Tell him if he can't be your friend-and just your friend- you'll have to end all contact with him.
How would you feel if you were his wife? |
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littlecraps
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Tell him just that, you are going to be his fling. You mislead him because you flirted back. Wait until the "so called" unhappy marriage ends. If I had a dime for every man that told me he was in an unhappy marriage, I'd be rich.
Stay friends |
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Ben M
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You need to turn off the "Open for Business" sign, otherwise he will continue to press you. Be the adult and tell him that his wife would probably not appreciate his behavior towards you and that you feel his behavior is inappropriate due to his married status, assuming that you do disapprove of course of the flirting! Be up front with him, since you have known him for 10 years. A true friend would appreciate your candidness and obey your desire....
Now if you keep playing with him, he just may soon be single due to the fact that he may have cheated on his wife... |
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bookshop_lady
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Tell him you're not willing to be a fling, you're not willing to be his ****buddy, and you're not willing to be his "rebound" scr*w if he leaves his wife.
THEN CUT THE FRIENDSHIP.
This man has no respect for his wife, his marriage, himself - OR FOR YOU. Look at what he's doing right now and realize that if you get involved with him, he's going to repeat these exact same behaviors just as soon as he gets bored with you. |
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Lily
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Think about it this way:
What would you want Your future husband's friend if she were in your position to do??
I would do that. |
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atheistzmbie
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If you spell it out for him the way you did here, he'll get it. Just let him know exactly how you feel. That you're not entirely sure what his intentions are but that you feel this way. If he's really your friend, which it sounds like he is, then he'll understand and it won't hurt your friendship at all. If nothing else, you'll be even closer. |
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that judi
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Tell him exactly what you said here. No need to include the part about if he is single one day, you are game for more. One thing at a time. Take a firm stand and do not see him alone again - only in public venues as friends or not at all while he is married. Tell him you value the friendship and any more with a married party is out of the question. Tell him you don't need a lover; you need a true friend like him. |
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cuffaroj
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i dont think you should be bothered flirting or anything more with a married man. if you were his wife you wouldnt like it and i really do believe in Karma (sorry) but seriously just tell him that you are not in high school and the flirting needs to stop. people will get hurt. and you should just stop flirting with him already. if he ends up getting out of his marriage one day then thats his business and see where you guys are from there on. |
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Yvelise
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You be honest....You tell him that you value your friendship with him, but that the flirtation is crossing the line and it makes you uncomfortable and is inappropriate considering that he is married. If he were single, it would be different because he would not be bound to anyone. As it is, he did make a commitment to HER.
You DO NOT let him know you're attracted to him. |
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rie
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It's really up to you,to negotiate each turn,from now on...It's quite simple...You can let him know that although you think he's a great guy,you feel he needs to get his sh*t together,& work on his marriage,or stay away from flirting with you,either way,until he's a free man...Rememeber,this man has been flirting with you for 10 years & is still with his wife...Does that ring any bells for you ???? Give it up,& start flirting with someone unattatched...I don't admire women like you. |
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Meir
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You need to distance yourself from this guy. Never play with love, especially with a married man! |
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albrightlesa
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there is no future in a married man and really if you cannot be friends with his wife you should not be in the picture wouldd you want someone like you flirting with your husband (If you are honest with yourself you would not)If he is not divorced you will just be sloppy seconds respect yourself and get someone who will respect the marriage bed do you think down the line if he got a divorce and married you that he woul treat you any different than he is treating his present wife?oh I forgot your different right? |
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♥ †♠♣ MORECOWBELL
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you say " look its obvious we like eachother,but your married and i can't do this to your wife." " not sure if there are feelings on both ends, but I value our friendship and think that we should take a break." just tell him how you feel. He deserves to know where you stand. I dont' think he will leave his wife. lots of guys likethe attention they get from woman who "think" they are in a bad marriage but never leave the wife so dont' be fooled |
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pdanusis
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You just have to say that you are friends and that he should save the flirting for his wife. It really is hard for single women to be friends with married men and visa versa. He is married and you have to be careful. Also if he is unhappy with his current relationship with his wife, what makes you think that you are going to make it better if he is going to be single. Maybe he is the problem in his relationship and you can tell me that you are 100% it is his wife's fault. In a divorce, both are at fault no matter what! |
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wow
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If he is going to flirt suggestively while married to his present wive while things aren't so great for him, what makes you think he won't do the same if he is with you and things go bad a time or two? That should be enough to keep you out of any relationship with him.It would be different if he was divorced and flirted or ask you out but he is not. |
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hngalvan021
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It comes down to respect. He if respects you he will understand what you have to say. I would tell him the truth that you are interested but only after he is no longer married. You didn't mention anything of the wife's personalitly or flaws but as a once cheated on wife I know how devastating it is to find out my husband has been unfaithful. Don't ignore the situation stand up and let him know where you stand. Whether ya'll stay friends should depend on how he handles the conversation. You deserve to be with someone who only sees you and not a double timer. |
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Susan
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Now see, he's not even your friend right now. How could you two cross the lines like that? I'm sure his wife suspects things. That's so painful. If you offered it, he'd take it. The problem is.. if you two get together after he's single again, you get serious..which he probably will want to play around with other women. He will do the same to you once you hit a bump in the road. If you really think you might have a chance at happiness, then tell him you want to stop all of this until he is single. |
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Elaine S
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Just tell him how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. And let him know that as long as he is married that you dont feel comfortable with all of the flirting going on but if his marital status ever changes then maybe things can change between yall. |
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☼ GÆ–Æ¡ÏŽ ✞ Ñ ÉªÎ·Ê s ☼
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Ask him straight out. You will know the answer by his 'body language', before he even opens his mouth. If it is, as you suspect, then tell him, this is and cannot be a possibility, in your relationship with him. He may not like what you have to say but, it will retain the friendship and your self-respect. It is possible that he is just flirting to have fun, nothing more. If either of you pursue this any further, it will be the end of the relationship, period.
Just tell him that you have enough respect for the friendship, that any further involvement would destroy what you share, besides his marriage. You could not, in all conscience, allow this to happen. He should accept this and respect you all the more, for doing what you both know is the right thing to do. |
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wldchldwoman
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Straight up and honest guys can deal with that best they don't read between the lines very well. |
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Jayhawk.Playground
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First of all you need to sit him down. Don't let him mess around while you are trying to talk to him, make sure he knows you are being serious. Tell him that you are attracted to him and ask him if he is attracted to you. Then let him know that you do not want to be his fling anymore. Let him know that the flirting has to stop and that you are definitely not ready to take it to a physical level with him. If you are really into this guy then tell him that you would love to give it a shot with him as soon as he takes care of his other business with his current wife. Make sure that he knows that you would love to still be friends but the time is just not right, until he has everything else finished up. |
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Bruce _the_Moose
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it isnt going to be easy to go back to friends.
dont let this happen !
my office is full of men who threw it all away on a fling. everyone gets hurt, its just BAD.
DONT EVEN LET THINGS GO THAT FAR |
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EXPECTING ✿*~.•*¨`*•✿
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Geeze. Tell him he needs to remain faithful to his wife. He's married for gosh sakes! Remain friends with him.
I'd tell him. If your marriage is so bad for you to be wanting to cheat on your wife. . . maybe you should get a divorce. After you've gotten a divorce then I might consider being with you physically. Sound good? |
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foodieNY
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Aren't all marriages "unhappy" until they get what they want? You'd be foolish to believe that one. If you've told him no and he doesn't have the respect for you to back off he's not much of a friend. Tell him you won't have the contact, any, until he comes back a free man that you are not available. |
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Invisigoth
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if you only want to be his friend then you just stop returning the flirting. Ignore his flirting and don't flirt back.
he will then ask why you aren't flirting with him and you can tell him that it seemed to you that he had amped up the flirting and since he's married you didn't think it was appropriate to be that blatant.
if he really is your friend then he will back off and may even share what's going on with him personally, after you know for sure that he is actively getting out of his marriage (he is legally separated from his wife and not in marriage counseling with her) then you can let him know that you are interested.
I would be leery of getting involved with someone who is fresh out of a bad marriage, because you risk being rebound girl and eventually losing his friendship all together.
Good Luck. |
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ladyrosznthorns
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Remember that old adage about playing with fire?
That's what you're doing.
You need to cut the crap, and be straightforward before
someone gets hurt.
Sorry, but in a situation like you're describing I think brutal honesty is best.
He is married, and no matter how attractive, funny, cute, and great a friend he is, your relationship is no longer okay.
You've crossed the line, and so has he, and if I were his wife, honestly, I'd give him a "her or me" ultimatum at this point.
If you really value his friendship, you need to stop this nonsense immediately. You have no need to worry about reading too much into it - if the relationship was still "appropriate" between you and a married man, that would not even be a question in your mind. It is, so it's gone far enough that it needs to be dealt with.
If there is a divorce in his future, then if the two of you are friends, and it is meant to be more, it will be.
You hanging out with him, flirting, and teasing - to the point that ANYONE else would notice and think he wants to take it to another level means you have disrepected his wife and his marriage. Likely he has also, but if he is unhappy, and thinking of divorce, then he needs to man up and talk to his wife and resolve that, not spend his time flirting with someone his wife has apparently trusted enough to allow him to maintain a close friendship with all these years.
What can come of that? An affair? A break up with you lurking to the side as instigator? Think about it...do you REALLY want a relationship with a man who is too chickenshit to be honest with his wife if he wants to end their marriage? If he's been married this long, and he can't be truthful with her, don't you realize he will treat you the same way?
Stick to your values, and if he ends up divorced, then fine, he's fair game, but don't play any part in it.
Don't drop him ANY hints about you being around if they break up to pick up the pieces...
If you are sincere about respecting marriage, and he's your friend, then keep things above board while you still have the chance.
I hope you are able to resolve this quickly, and my intention is really not to offend you, but in a situation like this, I really think you need the unvarnished truth. Don't deceive yourself into thinking things are okay when they are not because friendship is involved. If the friendship is important to you, and it sounds like it is, that is what is at stake. |
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theone4u
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He is married. Stop flirting with the idea of being with him. If he can have you on the side he won't leave his wife. Respect yourself enough to get a man of your own. You deserve that. You don't deserve a part time man. |
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