Older people, I need some sagely advice please? What should I do I need some advice/opinions? LONG?

Me and my exgirlfriend started dating in October and then at the beginning of December we broke up. I dumped her because my family doesn't like her, and I felt like she was doing nothing with her life. A few weeks later we got back together and she changed a lot-- I helped her enroll in school, and things were going well. I was also living in the same town as her when we got back together and all was well.

Then, school started up again for me and I had to go back to campus. We dated for another 4 months but gradually drifted apart just because I was so busy with graduation, jobs, and studying for the LSAT. One day she called me and asked if I would go out of my way for her and see her that weekend, I told her no I was busy and one thing led to another and we broke up again for the second time.

Two weeks later, I called her and I told her how I felt about her. I told her that I loved her and that I was just being stupid. She said that we needed 'time to focus on ourselves' and I agreed since I was so busy anyway. She said things like "I cant be with you the way you are right now, and I dont want to be with anyone the way I am right now" and "I know I wont ever technically get over you, I will always care for you and wonder if you are OK but I will try and 'move on'.

During this time, I thought about her a lot and she is friends with my bestfriend so he told me what was going on. He said that she still "loves me like a boyfriend" He also said that she was "waiting for me to get home so we could start talking again." He thinks that we are going to get back together, pretty much.

I let three weeks go by and I called her. We talked for about 3.5 hours just catching up and everything. My bestfriend talked to her later about it and she said that "we talked forever and it went well."

Two days later we texted a little bit, and I tried to make a bet with her to set up a date. We both like to draw so we picked a subject and I said "if i win then we go out to dinner and if u win whatever within reason". She replied "hmm.. Ill have to think about it. I'll figure something out by tommorow" Well, the next day (yesterday) she never replied to me or anything.

I get home from school in a week and I'll be in the same town as her again. I really want to be back with her and spend the next year with each other living so close. When we are together we both have a really good time and I just want to make things work in general.

Does she just want to be friends with me? Should I move on?
How do I know what she wants from me?
Do I call her whenever or should I give her more space?

accentedflirt

Seems to me like she needs to move on because you only bother with her when it is convenient for you (like when you are in town)

You obviously don't love her....why are you wasting her time? leave the poor girl alone, let her get her life together. She deserve someone that will treat her better...and I think she is starting to realize that. Hopefully she will keep that up and get over you.

Molly F

well i read it all...honestly, i think neither of you are ready for a relationship. it takes commitment, compassion and respect. i'm not really seeing that from either of you.

midnight2197

Give her space. It sounds like you're kind of leading her on. Drifting apart and then when she wants to see you you say no, you break up, so she's getting over you, and then you call her again. Then she says she thinks you need to focus on yourselves as individuals and then you call her again. Give her space. Do not have a summer fling with her and then drift back out of her life when school starts again. Space, space, space for each of you. Take a break from all dating this summer and maybe date at school.

Sue C

I feel you should just wait until you get back home, get settled, & when you KNOW you do have the time for her. It's been too much back & forth things I believe that has been coming between the two of you from time to time. W/school etc. you BOTH have NOT had the "proper time" to spend on one another or even try for any kind of a relationship. I also feel you do have things in common & that there is a reason you've been "off & on" keeping in touch w/one another. Otherwise, you would have BOTH just forgotten one another, but for some reason something keeps drawing you back for whatever reasons. When you're settled & KNOW you have the proper time to spend on her, then I would contact her. Just see where things go from there, & take it as it comes. IF you just remain friends, there sure is nothing wrong w/having "too many friends" is there?! Just give it a chance, & I feel eventually both of you w/find out how much you do mean to one another. All the best to you...:)

brendie

too long

charlesjerrell

wow u may have a best seller here, you want my advice, then i will give it to you, sounds like both of u are very young and neither one of u knows what u want as far as a relationship, finish ur school and then start a relationship, if u guys hook up thats fine if not thats fine also, for whats its worth, good luck

Baby on the way

Way too long, sorry!

shadjfl

Heres the real deal, she is playing you. There is no half way either in or out.

My suggestion is to concentrate on school, then worry about women. Go home enjoy your time there and get back at it when the fall semester starts. Dont spend your entire break chasing her around like a little kid.
Find other things to occupy your time. Respond only when or if she calls and dont fall all over yourself if she does. If your free go out if not tell her so. Dont be mean or rude just be honest.

"I think your nice, I really like you, but I have to finish school and I dont really have time to play high school games. We are or we arent dating.

shady

Way way too long

It seems timing has been a factor in the fact that you two keep missing the boat. Still, when you're young and getting started in life, you sometimes have to devote most of your time getting started on your career. That's not selfish; it's proper preparation for the future. I think you were very wise to focus on your future, while she took the time to mature a little.

If you have more time now to devote to a relationship with this girl, I think you should contact her once more when you get into town. From a female perspective, she could view this situation one of a two ways.

(1) She's a little insecure and wants to make sure that you are truly serious about starting a lasting relationship, and if you pursue her (like making this call after she's failed to respond) then she will be less apprehensive to give the relationship one more try.

(2) She may not have matured quite as much as she needs to yet. Sometimes females tend to fantasize about romantic relationship, and that's easier to do when there is distance between the two parties--just like people get much bolder via email correspondence and write things they wouldn't necessarily say in person. The reality of being near each other is just that: reality--a wake up call to her to now act in a way that is compatible with the messages she's be sending you long distance.

Some young women tend to try to mold their romantic interests into what they see portrayed on TV. They want and sometimes try to force a relationship to fit the mold of a movie romance instead of being sensible about the decisions they make and working to sustain a more emotionally well-balanced relationship. The irony is that when they fall in love "the right way," they'll stumble across that movie-style romance. (Hey, it happened to me--at age 39!)

Either way, I'd make think a quick, casual call to her ("Hey, are we still planning on getting together tomorrow?") is in order. Since she promised to call and didn't, I would be bother about that, but it's likely her way of having you prove your sincerity now.

The only reason that I choose this over option #2 is because of the info relayed to you from your friends. If they can be trusted and this girl was honest with them, you should be okay. Just be casual when you make the call with an air of matter-of-factness.

Just don't get too serious too fast. Take it slowly. Friends first. No pressure or expectations.

Good luck!

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