On going issue with a "friend" of his from the past?

Back in march, my boyfriend went to the bar with his friends. I had text him while he was there and I was getting no response, so a few hours later I try to call. Nothing. An hour later I call a few more times, getting worried and a little upset. I never blow up his phone, so he should have answered. Another hour goes by so I show up at the bar. He is sitting at a booth just him and some girl I have never met, talking and drinking. I pull him aside and confront him. He gets defensive and tells me I messed up. We get in a huge fight. The next day I talk to him and he is still mad at me saying it was an old friend he hadn't seen in 8 years. I tell him he should of answered the phone and left when his friends did, that it looks bad. I asked if he had talked to since. He said he text her with it was good to see her. I asked to see his phone, knowing how bad it looks me asking that. He gets even more upset, and deletes his texts. I am irate at this point, saying if he had nothing to hide why would he delete it off his phone. We fought for a month and I finally had to let it go. I even sent her a message on facebook asking her to clarify the situation, which she never responded to. I find out from a mutual friend that they dated 8 years ago. I'm upset, but have no proof, just a gut feeling. I had to let it go, and asked him not to talk to her anymore, which he agreed. It is now the end of June and i decided to look through his texts. I never do that, by the way. There was a text from her last week asking how his summer was. He responded, friendly, saying it was good. She replied with telling him she was moving to a near by town, and he never responded. I didn't tell him I looked through his phone. I did ask later if he had heard from her, and he was honest about the texts, saying please don't be mad at me. I said I wasn't but that I had asked him to please not talk to her and I was serious. I am wonderig what anyone thinks about the situation as a whole and should I be upset he is still keeping in contact with her. We have been dating two years.

Thanks for the advice!

K D

Obviously his intentions in the bar that night were not innocent. He didn't not answer you for any reason other than because he didn't WANT to. His attention was elsewhere. Don't think for one minute that SHE wasn't fully aware of your calling either as we both know he was checking to see who was texting or calling and she saw him. She also saw you come into the bar so who are we fooling?? She clearly knows he has a gf and wasn't exactly respectful of it either. Were his friends ever there?? That would be my question. I wouldn't be surprised if he planned on meeting her all along. FYI - he could have easily replied on a text and you wouldn't have known any better but guys typically won't respond at all when they are doing something wrong because you might ask questions and back them into a corner. Less contact = less explanation required. Here's how guilty men work...admit nothing, deny everything, and make counter accusations to take the heat off of themselves. Sound familiar? Any man that has to delete texts off his phone in a desperate fashion right in front of you is obviously hiding texts he doesn't want you to see!!!! They would be hurtful, deceitful, and dishonest. You don't need to see them to know what they said. You should have walked then. You didn't "have to let it go. You basically told him, I'm so stupid that I don't believe you did anything wrong. Three months later you find more texts from her. AND HE RESPONDED. The right thing to do would have been to delete it and tell you. Given the situation there isn't much to go on but I would be very vigilant especially if she is telling him she is moving close by. Did you check facebook and other avenues of communication? Why not send her another facebook message telling her that you know she texted him and again and to please stop. Does he have an email? Is that hidden too? Could be innocent but I would venture to say you and he aren't done with this yet.

alias126

I just recently went through the same thing. I am not the kind of girl to tell my bf what he can do, so i never actuallly said to stop talking to her, and in my situation, the girl was saying over and over again how badly she wanted him in her arms. Also, they had never dated before because she was married when they were friends. Now she is divorced and wants my boyfriend. It took me a week of finally getting paranoid enough to look through his phone and confronting him each time i read something i didnt like. I even broke up with him, and told him that I shouldnt have to feel that I cant trust the person that I profess to love. When he realized that talking to a girl that wouldnt stop pursuing him was not worth losing me, and he told her that if she kept saying those things that he couldnt talk to her anymore. He and i got back together, and he has proven to me that I can trust him, even hands me his phone when she texts him so that i can see first hand that he isnt lying or hiding anything from me like he did when she first started texting. As i told him, i didnt mind her texting as long as she wasnt pursuing him anymore, and as long as he isnt being sneaky. It sounds like your boyfriend has realized the same because he was being honest. When you tell them that they arent allowed to do something, then they are more likely to do the opposite. If it makes you that uncomfortable still to this day, then the two of you should talk it out and come up with a compromise. Good luck.

Toronto Maple Leafs

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your boyfriend isn't over her yet. If he continues to go behind your back about this matter, then I suggest you lose him. Two years, although a long enough time, isn't too bad to turn your back on, and start with someone else.

Tiffany

Yes you have every right to be upset Ex's are Ex's for a reason their past relationships that do not need to be brought into the present you are his girlfriend he needs to respect you but by texting his ex and going out to a bar with her is the lowest of respect he is showing you you need to put your foot down and let him know cut the crap or your gone and he can have her since he obviously cannot stop talking to her behind your back if he doesnt stop then leave and never look back if you dont leave he will just take advantage and keep doing it behind your back either way you need to sit down as adults and really talk and tell him how you feel let him know how would he like it if you were in contact with an ex boyfriend yeah he probably wouldnt like it. good luck girl!

Dementia

Our best decisions, the ones that we never regret, come from listening to ourselves.

lucilena

I Really Don' t Think That He's Cheating on You But I Think That shes Trying To Get Him From You and Irritate You .

Piglet

I'm glad I'm not going out with you!
He's perfectly entitled to his friendships, and snooping on him is illegal, immoral and utterly unloving.

I'd have dumped you already - and I wouldn't be with her, I'd be looking for someone else entirely.

Garnet Glitter's No BS Zone

Honestly Hon, it's trouble and you tell your BF that the first time you even THINK there's hanky -panky between the two of them, you are history....and mean it.

Marilyn

there is no way in the world you can keep him from texting or seeing her. i found out the hard way
a person either wants to stay true or doesn't.
calling him is too desperate.
maybe your 2 year relationship isn't going anywhere and he wants out?

Monica

I would have been pissed too and tell her to get lost and tell him to leave with her. My husband and I have friends of both genders and know who to trust. If they are behaving nice and she is nice to you make a new friend. bar isone thing but if it was a restaurant and he called and let you know you should be invited too.

Brigette

Reality of this situation is he crossed the line when he got her number, if you went to the bar and met someone you saw years ago and got his number and you started texting him, I would like to see his reaction. He is disrespecting the relationship and you. He has brought in doubt and mistrust into the relationship, he created you to become suspicious. You need to either consider can I trust him and move on and forget about this, and you did do the right thing by telling him that you are uncomfortable with this, you are being honest. Frankly past is past, we live for the future, and he should be concentrating about you two and your future. I would ask him why he gave out his number for, and if he continues texting what is going on for him to look for outside interest. Keep communication good and open between you two, don't argue, try and spend more quality time together. I wish you all the best, its normal that it hurts when someone is showing interest to someone else when they are with you. It is disrespectful to you. Once trust is gone its very hard to get back, and you have to make it clear the impact it has had on your relationship. Frankly he should have told her not to msg again.

bad girl

Everyone has a past, don't you have old friends, romantic and platonic. Forget it.

IndyGirl

He might be a bad boyfriend, but you are a TERRIBLE girlfriend for being such a spy.
And you look like a stalker by messaging the girl on FB, too.
Good grief.
xoxoxoxo

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