PLEASE HELP! DADS CHEATING, What to do?

heartsarebad

You are a brave young man.

Do not lose control. He has to know that his decisions affect his family. You are mature enough to get this across to him. ask him how he expects you children to behave as adults. He greatest example to you as a man. The girls are affected too by the way they will be treated by men.

Terri J

I have always said that if men had to face the idea of their children knowing they were cheating, they'd be less likely to. I think your Mom should call a family meeting and invite your Dad. Then she should tell all the kids in front of Dad that he is sleeping with another woman (only because they're all old enough to know and understand). Your mother should go out of her way not to raise her voice, but simply share the information, then leave your Dad in the room with you kids to discuss it. You kids should feel free to tell him exactly how you feel about it.

The_Spaceman

I'm so sorry to hear about your family matter. It must be hard. Since you all know, there's no point in pretending you don't know. At the same time, you don't want to create a sense of panic in your family. I think your idea of confronting your dad, telling him and his GF that this hurts is the best thing you can do.

finallyfree

Be careful in getting involved in adult affairs. When I was 22 or 23 I dont really remember which, my mom had an affair on my dad and I caught her dead in the act with the guy. It was a guy she worked with. My parents were married for 25 years at that time. I went to my dad and told him what I saw and what was happening. He was furious with me and said that I was a liar. I think he honestly knew it but didnt want to hear it from his child and so he treated it as if it wasnt real. Well needless to say the whole issue came out in full blast the next year and after 26 years at that point, my parents got divorced. My dad, still mad at me for involving myself and such hasnt spoken to me since they got divorced and that was in 1993. I miss my dad very much and wish he would come around but by involving myself in my parents business I ended up ruining my father daughter relationship and now, 15 years later, I dont think I will ever get it back or ever even see my father again. He doesnt even know he has a 13 yr old granddaughter. So please think about this thoroughly before you act on it and think about what consequences it might bring if you get involved. Good luck.

Kelly C

Confront your dad if you feel so strongly about it. But dont assume that the girlfriend knows all the facts, if hes lying to all of you he could be lying to her as well. I was with someone for 8 months and didnt know he was living a whole other life as he travelled alot for his job..so he said, needless to say im not with him anymore. Be honest with your dad about your feelings. But most of all be there for your mother, shes the victim in all of this as well as you kids. 24 years is along time to give your heart and soul to someone, she will need you more than ever.

irelandheidi

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know the answer to that but I can tell you that your not alone, both my father and step-father have cheated on my mum and it's never easy for anybody (except for the fathers who seem to get what they want and not care about consequences). Just remember it's not your fault and be there for your mum and also do what I've done and realise how much damage cheating on someone can do and make a personnal oath never to do it yourself.

powhound

No, don't confront like that. It might lead to a situation that goes from bad to worse.

You need to let your mom handle it. Either through marriage counseling or divorce.

locnguyen

That's too bad for a good son like you.In my opinion, i think your family should talk together about it. Tell him he's not that type of man and he must take his responsibility for his fault.

Robbin T

wow - what a load you are carrying... I am so sorry for all that you and your mother are having to deal with.

But first try to remember that a marriage is between a man and woman, and while it will affect you and your siblings, the issue is between your parents.

I don't agree with your mom telling you to keep this to yourself, and I believe that if your mom was thinking clearly she wouldn't have placed such a heavy burden on you by asking you to keep quite. Keeping secrets is not the answer and your siblings are old enough to deal with the truth and help each other deal with this crisis.

I am so sorry that you are faced with such a horrible issue. Good luck to you and your family.

frog

If you dont think its too kiddish, you could always call the kids help line.

They are trained proffesionals who deal with stuff like this every day.

But don't go telling everyone, i think.

Sometimes when one parent cheats, the couple eventually get over it and make up.

you never know, maybe eveything will be back to normal sooner than you think.

I don't think the situation os for you to worry about.
if your mum is sad, try cheering her up but let your parents sort this one out for themselves.

Don't get involved too much because you will regret it.

However, the last part of your question did confuse me a little, so my answer may not be relevant to the situation.

if it is really hurting you, talk to someone you can trust, like a close friend.

bluecloud

what about talking to your dad first?tell him how you feel. i think showing up at their doorstep is bad idea.

Roklimerchic

This sounds just like what my husbands dad did to their family and he hasn't had a relationship with his dad since. You have to ask yourself what showing up is going to accomplish and if you think it is honestly going to do any good. This woman honestly probably will not have any respect for you or your family because well she sleeps around knowing your dad has responsibilities and a loving family. She really will probably try to win you over but honestly the only type of person who does these things are "crazy and emotionally disturbed women". Your mom is lucky she found out. I hope she doesn't take your dad back because he made a huge mistake and it is going to effect all of you. To be truthful I think the way to help your dad understand the damge he caused is by not associating with him for a while he needs to get his priorities straight. Good luck! Don't get discouraged he screwed up not you!

starfisher

The amount of influence you'll be able to have on your dad probably depends on how close your relationship has been with him in the past. If you want to confront him just to be sure he knows how upset you are, that's fine. But I don't think you should do it out of a sense of vengence, or thinking it will change anything. The best way you can help your mom is by standing by just being there and being supportive. I hope she finds a woman friend to share her feelings with too, because this is a big load for you to have to help her with.

Lego Indy

Do it.

sweetgirl

Hi there i just what to tell you that i understand what is happening in your mind and that you are in the middle of that line. That happen to me at your same age what i did is face them both your mom and dad donÂ´t go to your dads girlfriends house first talk to them about the importance of having your family together and how much you need them. then ask them if they still love each other and what is happening, tell your dad that you have seen them distance and you what to know what is happening ,it is very important to show them how much you care for them. Believe me after you talk to them your DAD will think about what he is doing. And please be there for your mom listen to her if she confess you that, is because she believes in you. Your her right arm. if you have any more questions feel free to write me back i will be there for you o.k take care

TurkishPrincess

Joe, i am so sorry to hear that, i cant imagine how i would feel. I would probably cry myself to sleep. I am only 16 and i think that it would be hard for me...you seem to take it reasonably well, i mean, you arent getting upset about it on this. but i would confront him and just make him realize that he is messing with the wrong person.

But....i also think you should tell your other sibilings so they dont feel left out, they are older than you and probably will get angry later if you dont tell them, better to tell them.

Again, sorry to hear that. i hope things end up well!!! this might be a stupid phase for your dad, stupid phase

Bye

heart's_completely_content

My husband just went through the same thing. He parents were together for about 36 yrs and his dad has a 27 yr old girlfriend (that's younger than 2 of his kids). They just got divorced and he is now living with the girlfriend. There is not much we could say, we are grown and so is dad. I hope everything works. Please note that the kids will never really know what goes on in a marriage, maybe they have had problems for their entire relationship. Good luck!

kitkatkate

my friends dad had been cheating on her mom too...they didnt know a thing about it but i know that she kicked him out right wen she new....i would suggest that u do wat ur planning to do and comfront both of them....it will embarass the girl and show ur dad ur in pain....do wat u need to do and get on with it...and yes i think that it is very cruel for any man or woman to cheat and it is horrible...

gen_next

im sorry mate..well i 'll have to say is first and foremost u hav to prove the allegation to urself...u hav to ask..is it true?or has sumone been malliciously trying to dissorientate ur mom n dad?is that an office rumour?
ur young n smart n u should be having the resources to find out.
if u do find out that its 100% true.then im sorry ..u'll have to takecare of ur poor mother and give her all protection.
i say u n ur 3 siblings along with ur mother then move out of the house and start a new life.
but do prove it.
best of luck.be brave.u have to take responsibility here although its tough on u too.

jadejadeforeternity

I wouldn't show up and try to talk to the mistress and the father. There will be trouble and it could do further harm to your parent's marriage. If she is nasty and bold enough to sleep with a married man, then she won't care what you say. I would just have a talk with my father in a semi-private place like a restaruant. I would also ask him and my mom to get marital counseling. I think that you need to also talk with your mom about your decision too. She may want you to do nothing until she decides what to do.

Mrs.sexy women Brenda

confront that two timer, dad and tell him that you will find out who the tramp is, and let her know about you kids and mom, shes a real ho!! if she does know about yous,,, home wreaker good -luck honey ' please dont let this eat you away with worry mom needs to straighting his dumbass ,

krinkn

Ugh what a mess.

While shaming and humiliating he and his paramour might sound satisfying. I'm not sure it would be a useful long term plan. You need to evaluate the possible consequences of your action before actually doing anything. How will it effect your mom? Will it change anything?

I can't tell you what to do. You and your siblings know your father and can predict his behavior I'm sure. I suggest you ask their opinion on your plan..

Be there for your mom too.

lucy_shy8000

I imagine that this is what you think will happen:

you will go there strong and angry, ring the bell, and yell at her and him. He will feel shamed and her embarrassed. You will run and he'll chase after you all apologetic. He'll come crawling home begging forgiveness from his family. Perhaps you'll all go to a happy family counseling centre and you'll have saved your parents marriage.

This is what I see happening:

you show up emotional and out of control. He freaks out on you for coming there, and dumps all his anger on you. The gf gets pissed at him because you showed up, They start fighting, him saying that it's not HIS fault you showed up. He either tells you to go home or takes you home, when home he attacks your mother for telling you their business, involving you, and sending you as a messenger to embarrass him. Screaming match between them ending with him leaving to stay with the girlfriend and your mother locked in a bathroom crying again.

So I would have to say, my advice to you is to stay out of it. Don't allow yourself to be brought into it either. Your mom should not have told you, she's put you into an impossible position where you're emotionally tied to the problem but completely helpless to fix it.

Don't allow EITHER of them to bring you into their difficulties. Don't get dragged into the middle of this! They will always be your parents, but Their marriage is something They need to handle. Dragging you into their issues is BAD FORM. You are NOT responsible for their problems.

Fish are friends, not food (:

My parnets got a divorce when I was in 3rd grade and spilt in 2nd grade. I think it was alot beter for my family. They got divorced because my dad was cheating with a co-worker....
I have no idea why your dad or my dad would do that whe they know they have a great family. but it will get alot better. I think you should go along with your plan, but if you chicken out, dont regret it. maybe its meant to be.

and btww;;
everything will be okay in the end.
if its not okay;; its not the end(:

Good Luck Doll(:

kayla b

just tell him its not cool and mabey hell regret it

~Ride The Lightning~

i think you dont need our opinion, you should try and deal with it with him or keep out of it, im trying not to sound rude, but thats what i think.

Edit:

i strongly suggest you stay out of it, but if you do go ahead with what your going to do, i think he will deserve it, noone should feel the way he has made your mum and you feel.

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