Parents - What would you do?
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Parents - What would you do?
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So here's the thing my husband and I take my stepson to a psychologist. His bad behaviour used to be A LOT worse, but it's getting better. His school social worker has also helped. His biomom doesn't participate in the psychology. My stepson and his brother live with us 55% of the time and with their mom 45% of the time.
So the psychologist helped us to see a lot of his bad behaviour is because he has feelings of volunerability and a lack of self confidance, so we're working on that.. We've gotten him into sports (and his brother), and we have also made a point of scheduling at least two family vacations a year (it shows him we value him having a good time, and he gets to be with his cousins, and socializing is always a good idea). We try to socialize him as much as possible, we throw big birthday parties, etc. Anyway, so we're doing our best. His mother says she is happy with just having 'talks' with him, that's her priority, essentially it means she doesn't want to pay to help him get better and she'll do what's cheap.
So this week they have a school concert. It's a great opportunity for him to perform with his class and break out of that volunerability shell a bit more. He told his mother he doesn't wanna do it, and he wants to stay home. It's our half of the week, so it's my and my husband's decision. I want him to go and participate. His mom thinks we should just let him skip it.
I know this may sound trivial to you, but the psychologist has made it pretty clear, that everything with my stepson is always a learning experience and chance to help him a little more.
So what would you do, let this child skip it, or attend it as a family with him?
Additional Details
I dunno guys, he got on stage loads when we went to Club Med in Mexico. They had the kids perform lots of shows for fun, and he did almost all of them. He didn't exactly have the best time doing it, but he did it with the other kids and that was a positive experience.
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M
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encourage him like crazy to participate, but do not force him. That would do more harm than good. participating in any one concert will not 'break him out of his shell'. vulnerability comes from feeling insecure, probably added to that from parents divorce. It takes small, consistent, constant reassurances that he is safe, and nothing will hurt him. no matter how small or trivial it may seem to you at the time, every opportunity, encourage, reassure. takes time.
what his mother does is not as important as what dad does. mom's nurture, we gather most of our emotional stability from our fathers. Dad needs to spend as much time as possible with him, quality time, words of affirmation and express as much emotions and support as possible. be consistent and in time he will come out of his shell. |
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massiel248
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getting on stage might be a little too much for him. maybe you should let him stay. |
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grammie
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He should Attend. If he were a pitcher in a baseball game, and he didn't want to pitch at a game but the team needed him would you tell him to sit the bench? No. he made a commitment to the team.
He has a commitment to this concert and his school friends to be there |
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iluvmyman
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I would say let him make this decision and then discuss it with him. Forcing him to do this may make him resent you all.
At the same time I hate to see a kid sell himself short because he has self-esteem issues. |
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Bold&Beautiful
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I think you should never force a child to do anything they are not comfortable with. That school activity stuff should be eased onto him as he becomes more confident. Don't push, gently nudge. |
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benthere
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if the child has anxiety problems forcing him to be 'social" isnt the greatest idea in the world... |
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