Please Help!!! I don't know what to tell my sister!!?

Sara Rae

You could urge your sister to get counseling and even offer to go with her if she would feel more comfortable with you there. There's really not much you can do you just have to help your sister to develop the self-respect and independence to leave him.

Taunte Rez

All you can do is be supportive of her. Sooner or later she will leave him, but the decision is hers, I don't think there are any magic words to say. Nobody with even an ounce of self esteem will put up with that forever.

Tryna-Hyde

nothing. you can't tell her anything. her leaving is her decision. i'd back off...be available to listen, encourage the goodness in her, and try to help her learn about what makes her a good person. that's about all you can do.

good luck.

nonameblonde

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. You have all said your peace already. You have all told her how you feel about him. She is choosing to stay. All you can do is basically say to her at this point, "I love you, I love my neice, but I am tired of participating by watching you be upset and cry all the time. If it's that bad, then leave. But I cannot stand to watch it anymore when you know how I feel."

â™¥ CommaGirl â™¥

I suggest stop making this about her and make it about her daughter.

Obviously she doesn't have enough self-esteem or self-worth to get out for herself.

But if you make it about her daughter, maybe she'll wake up. Tell her that her daughter is going to grow up seeing her like this and get issues of her own, thinking that this is how things are and maybe even repeat her mother's mistakes, miserable in her own life. Does she really want to do this to her daughter?

Frame it like that, and maybe it will hit home. And set something up where she can live with someone for a little bit, so she doesn't feel alone. Let her know she is welcome to live with you for support until she repairs herself and and raise her daughter properly.

sparrow

Does she have a job, and can she afford her own apartment? If not , then help her figure out a place to live. Then she can get a restraining order against this man, and she will begin to feel enpowered again. Later she can take him to court for child support, which is very strictly enforced legally.

br.

tell her that she deserves better and she can find someone better that will help her raise the kid.

amberlicious

Simple..She needs to leave him. What makes her think he'll get better? He'll probably just get worse. And she shouldnt be afraid of being alone. I think she should leave him and then after a while of getting over him and the situation, try dating again. There are plenty of men in the world that would take care of her and her daughter regardless of it not being theres. i know too many people in this type of situation and the friends of mine that left their babys father were much happier than the ones that stayed with the useless dirt bags.

Kami

I assume you already tried talking to her but she's not listening to you. You can't help your sister until she is ready to help herself. I think the best bet is for you to continue to be there for your sister and keep on letting her know that she is in a bad situation. You stated the relationship is abusive but not physically, you never know it might be but she is scared to say anything. Try and go over a safety plan with her just incase anything should happen. make sure she has her passport and her kids as well or atleast copies of them, birth certificates and any and all documents that are important (make copies of them and keep them somewhere safe).

geessewereabove

Is the family willing, nicely, to to her live with them so she won't be alone?
Or is it possible that her family has a history of condemning her too and she dose not want that back either?
Not being her it is hard to see through her eyes.

mafia

Are you ready to help your sister plus the baby coz maybe she fears that she would not bring up the baby alone? if you are in a position to do that then try to explain it to her.it is very painful for a lady to bring up a child alone when the father is a live.try also to talk to the man to be good to the wife for the benefit of the child.if he don't change then tell your sister to come out of that house and you will provide her with every thing.also tell her that immediately she will leave that house then God will give her another man,one who is loving and caring.

justathought

She has to come to the realization on her own that she is worth more than this. Nothing you say will make her take control of her own life. All you can do is tell her how you feel and let her know you support her. If you keep pushing, it will only ostracize you from her. The crappier she feels, the more she will push you away... mostly for being right.

S H O U Aâ™¥

there's really nothing you can do but be there to support and listen to her cry.. tell what you think of the guy and her and the whole situation.. be there to listen and not so quick to judge cause that'll only make her want to run to him more that he's not as judgemental as her family.. you see what i mean... all you want to do is pull her out to and see her happy but there's more to it then what you guys know and see... i say just be there for her and remind her what a good person she is and whatnot... even though you guys are family she will be quicker to hold a grudge against you guys then him so be cautious and wise with words and actions...

Unfortunately you can't make anyone do anything. They have to choose. It sounds like she has low self esteem. You might offer to support her by watching her child so she can go to therapy, or take a class, or whatever she needs to make a transition or to feel better about herself. It is so hard to watch someone you love allow themselves to be abused, but you can't make them leave. Sometimes pushing them to leave makes them cling all the more to that person. Continue to love her, offer her support in a way that you feel okay with, but don't constantly get drawn into her re-hashing every fight and bad episode. It is upsetting to all and if she is not ready to act on it, then there is really no reason to go over it. You might also tell her that she cannot change him......ever. She needs to accept him the way he is and manage it, or leave. I know it sounds cold, but it is what it is.

Teresa (SFECU) -â€ - pray4revival

Your sister sounds like she needs some serious counseling. With the right help your sister can realize that with a family that cares about her she wouldn't be alone, just not with him. Remaining tied to someone who is emotionally abusive is one issue. Women who do so often cannot find it in themselves to leave until it becomes physical; and it almost always becomes physical.

But, if there is postpartum depression involved as well (and it sounds like it may be), she may need some intervention from family members who love her; not only for her sake but for the safety of her baby. This can be a very serous issue and I wouldn't let it continue another day if it was my sister.

Joseph G

tell her to leave him, sounds simple...
also tell her she wont be alone because shell have her family to be there for her...
she has a four month old and she needs to think about the babie's future, does she really want her daughter growing up in that environment?
not only do you all need to help her, but the babies development.
she also shouldnt care so much about being alone, she has her baby, sure most other potential boyfriends will be slightly dettered by the fact that she has a kid, but shell find someone eventually... she really should be thinking about her and her kid, not anyone else right now
being alone for a while is better than having your kid grow up in an extremely disfunctional family unit.

Susie Que

I have the same problem with my mum. it took 5 years for her to leave in the end.
Maybe you need to find someone for your sister, just to reassure her that even after having a baby, she is still hot, and wanted.
Guys like him are only ever going to bring a woman down and stamp on her worth. Because in his sad sorry life, when she isn't around, he is getting the same treatment.
hope all goes well

nissa*

Now, honey child, let me just tell you what I did back in 1982. When my husband was sleepin around and thinkin that he could just walk up in my home (MY HOME) and talk to me like i was trash! i said now looky here, Dandrae. you been mistreatin this fine lushish lady. an it ain't bout to happen no more. you hear me. i know with this fine behind of mine they gonna be all kinds of brothas chasin this fine lady so you can just turn yo lazy (u kno what) around and git outta my house. don't you eva bring yo sorry tail out here again, and i called the police and told them that sun of a gun ever did to me. we done got divorced a month later it was the best decisoin i ever made girl. and thats what yo sista need to be doin now.

dreamy

you need to help her relate to her. tell her he isn't right you desirve better. if she says she doen't ant to live alone. comfot her tell her she can stay with you untill she finds a man and gets stable. let her know she needs change or else she will a seriouse case of depession help find her a man. do your part as a brother talk face to face to her.

Graysand

First: make sure that she is willing to face the fact that this man is going to keep being mentally abusive and be one of those guys called "I'm here, but I'm not here" personalities. Because he threatens to leave every time she asks for help points to 2 things. One, he may have never wanted the baby to begin with, and he resents your sister wanting him to be a part of his baby's life because he feels trapped. Two: The next time he threatens to leave, tell your sister that she should just say," I've got your stuff already packed and there's the door!". You will see then just how much HE needs her, not the other way around. But when this happens, someone should be nearbye just in case he does become abusive physically. She should seek the help of the local Legal Aid department at the nearby family and children resources department. They can help her to get child support, maybe help with money to pay the bills and foodstamps to buy the baby food. She should consider a possible move to a relative's or a close friend's home temporarily until she can get on her feet. I would also suggest that she should begin classes to better herself financially. Being able to support yourself goes a long way to gaining a better self image, and it will bite this guy's butt to see her making it on her own without needing him!

SummerLove

Unfortunately, you can not help someone who does not want to be helped. If you push your sister to leave this man she may end up shutting you out. All you can do is be there to comfort her and pick up the pieces when she does leave. You can make sure she knows that she has options and that you will always be there for her. But warning, do not push to hard. Just let her know you love her and that you are there for her.

lilred

There is nothing you can say, you can only tell her you love her and be there for you. If you keep trying to make her do something it will only drive her away. She will learn on her own. It will just take time.

Sandile M

Therez not much you can do coz its her choice. However, try this. Get a reliable male friend for her. Someone who wants her, but will be willing to hang there as a caring friend for a while. Someone she can run to whenever she has been disappointed or hurt by this man. She will be able to make a comparison and perhaps end up falling for this friend instead.

woman

tell your sister that she is already alone. tell her that she has many parent teacher confrences to attend to alone. tell her that he will miss every thing with the baby. tell her that her baby is going to be like her and have a man that is mean to her. tell her she is just a piece for him. there is really nothing you can tell her that she is going to listen to. Stick by her and be ready to hold her up when things are bad sounds like she is going to need you. Beg her not to have another child with this man... Sorry for your sisters luck

SMiLE :)

AWW, YOUR SUCH AN AMAZING PERSON LOOKING OUT OF YUOR SIS. =] X

Mz. Cherry

Convince your sister to leave him...im pretty sure you all have a loving family. she shouldn't be afraid of being alone as long as she have you all she shouldn't worry about it... soon she'll realize he's not worth the hurt and pain.... I hope you think about what i have said

klmmlk27

You are in a very difficult situation - and I wish I could tell you there is a right and/or a wrong answer.

Unfortunately in a situation like this - this is a decision your sister is going to have to make - all by herself.

Right now...even though the relationship is toxic - she's comfortable. She may be miserable and he may not be the man of her dreams - but right now - she's safe and she's comfortable.

It's frustrating - believe I know. You're an outsider looking in. You know she's miserable, you worry about the child's safety and you want to swoop in and save the day and tell this woman to leave this guy.

Again - until she reaches the point when she's had enough - there's really not a lot you can do.

The best thing you can do for this woman - is love her. Don't turn your back on her, listen to everything she has to say but be honest with her. You can tell her you aren't happy with the way her life is going, you worry about her safety; tell her you hate seeing her like this and you wish she would make a decision to better herself! But that's really all you can do.

Love her and make her know that you care and you will support her decisions - but that may mean you have to step out of the situation. You can tell her - as long as you're with him and you're unhappy - I can't be around you. I will always be there for you - but in the relationship you're in - it's toxic - and I can't expose myself further.

This is hard - it's really hard - but sometimes it's the best thing.

When she does make the decision to get herself together - be there for her. But this may also mean you have to be tough - the whole family does. When/if she makes the decision to leave him - she can't go back and forth.

As someone who's been through this - if you - as the people looking from the outside in - aren't strong enough to be tough with her - then it's not going to do any good. She's going to keep running back and forth between her family and him.

This is such a tough situation and I wish I could do more than just offer words of advice. You really have to be tough on this one...you really have to love her - but love your sister enough to let her go.

I wish you all the luck - and if you ever need to talk just email me.

Kisses_xoxo

All you can do is advise and support her...she will have to open up her eyes to see what is really there you cannot make her see it. And of course you dont wnat to push her away by telling her how much you hatehim and dont approve of him...she will then shut you out..so just advise her and tell how much you know she deserves to be happy.

Tell her what you think. Tell her you are there for her. Then tell her if she choses to continue this relationship that is her choice - but you don't want to see her crying or hear her whining. She should fix her problem or quit complaining. It is her choice to be there.

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