Please give advice. pregnant with addict husband... please read?

Monster

I can relate to this. I had a similar problem for 2 years with crystal meth and did the same accuse my wife of cheating called her names etc. she never gave up on me and to this day ive been clean 3 years and am on my way to starting my own business. we are now a happy family. You should let him know that hes destorying his life and yours aswell. If he says he wants to quit than thats the first step but if he jsut flat out doesnt care and loves the drug than you should really think about moving on.

brelyn69

i was in this situation to and he was selling drugs too he was very abusive to me mentally and verbaly i finally got a divorce when my daughter was three and it was the best thing i ever did because he still has not changed and dont think he ever will get his act together i think you need to let him go you have a new baby to think about and if you stay he could hurt you or your baby its not worth it he is not treating you nice the drugs are more important i hope this helps

NONAME

You need to put your child first. Do you really want your baby growing up with this man as a male role model? Do you want your baby around a drug addict, being exposed to all that crap?

marina

Are you in contact with his family? Maybe they would be willing to stand by you and have an intervention. You should not have to go through this pregnancy alone because he's got his head up his butt.

Jim P

I have been around, and have been an addict. Does that qualify me to answer this? You can take my advice or leave it. In my opinion you did the right thing by leaving him. By leaving you are doing something called bringing his bottom up. Most addicts have to hit rock bottom before they quit using and that is just the way it is. Loosing you may help him to open his eyes to what his addiction is doing to his life. Second thing to remember is that you don't have the power to change him, meth now controls his life and thought process. The saddest thing in the world is admitting that you are powerless to change someone elses addiction, I know because I lost my father to drugs and alcohol. Maybe a family intervention given by a trained counselor is what your husband needs to kind of remind him that his family still cares. He needs treatment, I know that I did. Get in touch with a counselor, or someone in NA. They can better assist you in how to go about addressing this person, about his problem. In the end it is up to him though as to weather or not he wants to get well. Please don't take my opinion as absolute truth though, get MANY opinions on this, get informed, and get some outside help!! You may need some counseling too because you strike me as a co dependent. Please don't undermine your own suffering in this whole situation, it has affected you, GREATLY! You owe it to yourself to get some loving help from others who know what you are going through. Good luck!

Tweek

hi, my name is heather..im 18...im in counseling. A lot of the reason for this, is because i still cant get over my drug using father. As far as i know, he didnt do meth, his drug is coke. His addiction destroyed our family. I have 2 siblings. Other kids say im lucky for getting to meet my dad, id rather not have, and gotten to beleive he was good to my mother before he left. My mom didnt give up til I was 6...he almost killed her several times. anyways...the point is...think of your child, dont put him/her through it. If he doesnt want to change for you and your child forget him. A good way to find out if he really wants to...tell him until he sobers up, your only friends...and if you dont see that hes trying atleast...get someone that will be a good father figure to your child and a good man to you. Every kid i kno, with a drugged up father and a good father figure, prefers the father figure, tho some do still, enjoy having the real one around

ilvmyanglface

im a guy with a drug problem my wife also lives a couple blocks from me but its different im trying to stop the drugs and get her back in my life he should be doing the same even more so with a child on the way i know it took for me losing everything i love to realize i had a problem u need to let him fall on his face if you and the baby are important to him he will clean up and take care of his family so let him go

poptartpoochie

I know many people have probably asked you this- but I'll ask this question from the point of view that I was in:
Are you ready to raise your baby completely alone? No financial help, unless its court-ordered and he begrudgingly pays it?

I had a completely different problem- a cheating husband who deployed 3 months before the baby was born... I know a divorce is in the works for me, I'm not sure if that's a step you will want to take in the future (addict boyfriends are one thing, addict husbands take it to a whole different level).
I gave my daughter up to a wonderful young couple because I knew she would be raised in a stable situation with a family that didn't have the worries that my short marriage was faced with.

As for husbands, especially the ones that put their own needs before your needs or his child's needs... You have to consider how badly you want him in your life and in your baby's life. Do you think he'll ever kick the meth? My husband had to clean up his meth problem for the army, but your man may take that problem to the grave.
The ultimate decision is yours- he obviously does not want you or other people worryig about him if he is ignoring phone calls etc, but if you see a potential that he has the potential to change and be a good father it may be worth it to sit down and have a conversation with him.

Soooooo much about your situation worries me (aside from the obvious): your husband lives in a different home from you, doesn't speak to you, hasn't asked about the health of his own child, and endangers the safety of you & baby through the drug use AND the stress he is putting you through.

If your feelings tell you to go talk to him, definitely do it. Keep a level head and explain that he has a very limited amount of time to growup now, don't beg him or compromise- he can be a father and husband if he cleans up, otherwise he loses the best two things that ever happened to him!!!

Best of luck, I wish I could be more help. Honestly, staying strong and going with your gut feelings are a mother's best resources!

Ember Halo

OMG! i've been there (not the same drug, but everything else)

you need to leave him alone. get him out of your life. seriously. he is not going to change his behavior, but YOU can change YOURS.
i know how you feel, but you need to focus on your baby right now. he isn't even taking care of himself, and he will only drag you and the baby down with him.

he's an addict. the meth with come first before you, before the baby, before anything. there's nothing there for you. get out!! and possibly get some counselling to see why you love a guy that treats you like crap & totally disrespects & distrusts you. my reason: i'm co-dependant & grew up with a sociopathic father so that type of thing is "normal" to me. find yours & work on it for that little one. you don't want to teach your child that the relationship you have with the father is "normal" do you ??

cr1214@aol.com

I Know When Someone Is Hooked On Meth They Have To Want To Change.My Fiance Is Addicted And Is A Totally Differet Person. I Hate To Say This I HATE HIM WITH ALL OF ME!!!!!!!We Have 3 Children 3,7,15 My 15 Year Old Hates Him Ad This Whole Mess Is Makig Her Depressed.I Got My Child Help It Is Just SO SO SAD,That He See's All Of This And Won't Get Help.So Me And My Kids Are Leaving.I'm Packing Ad Should Be Goe Soo.He Is SO NASTY,MEAN AND VIOLENT When Coming Off Or Should Say Down.He Curses All Of Us,Hates Us,IM DONE HE HAS TO WANT HELP.....

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