Please help! I'm at my wits end with my hubby...?

hasdad62

get as far away from him as you can. an addict is not in his right mind, and rarely comes back. cut your losses, and cut your ties.

NAN G

The only person that can convince him to quit doing drugs is himself. You can beg and plead, it will do no good. For the time being, you should move on with your life for you and your daughter. You cannot change him, or help him.........

AnswerGuy

Its hopeless. Cut him off. Throw him back. Do whatever it takes to put him behind you and never look back.

bluelitttt

honey, walk away

searching_please

You answered your own question. He's a drug addict and until he wants to get himself help, he won't. You've got to go on and make the best life for yourself that you can. If the daughter is not yours and his (but from another relationship) cut all ties with him. If you do share the child, just nurture her the best you can and try to keep him as far away as possible until he gets help. The courts should help you in this.

I am truly sorry! Good luck! :)

HeavenlyAngel

Well, that is an addict. NO one will come b/w him and his drugs. Get this through YOUR head. He is a prisoner of the drugs of HIS choice. NO one can help him if he "has no problems". Stay away from him. And the daughter too...poor thing.

SubJ

Endure what u cannot cure. U have rightly walked out of marriage.

racermom

One of my best friends is an alcoholic and she explained to me that when I have a glass of wine with dinner and then don't have another is just foreign to her. As her not being able to have just one.

We can not control what others do and if he is not willing to go and get help for himself and do it himself you will never get it done for him. It has to be his choice and perhaps he has to hit the bottom before it will truly sink in to his brain.

Yes, he is missing his child's formative years....but is this such a bad thing? Does she really need to see daddy high? Does she really need him as an influence during her formative years?

When he does finally come to the conclusion that the box under the bridge is really not a great "pad" and crawls out to fix his own life he will realize what he has lost and missed out on. But that is his problem.

You need to be supportive of your daughter and her best interests not his. He is an adult and as such needs to make choices. If his choices include drugs and all the behaviors that go along with that then you must choose what it right for your daughter and yourself!!

indian

if you don't have the kids you need to get them and not let him keep walking back into your life because if he is not ready for help its nothing you can do he will have to learn all this by himself but the first thing are the kids someone have to look out for them good luck

nwnativeprincess

Not your problem, You can't help those who don't want help. You would be better off washing your hands of the situation.
Drug abuse is a deal breaker.

basketcase88

You need to just move on. You said you've been doing good without him, your life is back on track, you're happy, etc. DON'T let him undo all that. He's an addict. He'll always be an addict--even if he can manage to recover, there's always the chance he'll relapse. Leave him, and concentrate on your life. File for divorce, and don't see him anymore.

And he can't stop because he's an addict, addicts don't make choices. You can also get help for you from your local Al-Anon chapter, these are people who deal with family members with substance addictions, usually alcohol, but also drugs. Here's a link
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

John L

REALISE THAT A DECLARED DRUGGIE WILL DO AND SAY ANYTHING TO GET HIS NEXT CHARGE, SO MAKE UP YOUR MIND THAT YOU CANNOT TRUST HIM.
once you realise this then you should see about getting a restraining order to stop him contacting you. When he realises that he cannot con you anymore he will either try and pull himself up or will slip further down the hill. He needs expert care not yours.

Shy Girl S

Cocaine is just an awful drug (I'm not suggesting doing any drugs is good, by the way). I knew a guy who does coke and it's highly addictive. Also, it changes some people's behaviour to the point where it's just awful to be around them.

If there was ever "The Devil's Mix" it has to be cocaine. He can't just stop because it's got a hold on him....do yourself and your little girl a favour and keep on moving without this guy....nothing good can ever come from being with a coke-head.

Luv2no is in the house

Run as fast as you can from this guy! I'm sure you have enough going on with your life then to sit around and try to fix a drug addict. Where does this fit into your life? You deserve a whole lot more then this guy. Your standards for a boy-friend are WAY to low. You will lose all your self-esteem and motivation after this guy drains you.

a_lot_smarter_now

Keep your head level. You made a decision to not tolerate this anymore. He's showing you he's still doing it. Stick to your guns, and move on with your life. It's sad that he's going to end up losing everyone in his life...but most addicts have to hit rock bottom like that to even acknowledge they have a problem. You're better off without all of this, Hon.

goldwing

The answer is right in front of you..why are you asking this stuff. No one in her right mind would have anything to do with an addict...he will rob you blind. You have a child to think of, this is not just you....I cannot imagine your putting your child into a home, even day care, if you knew that one of the household members were an addict! And you are considering moving that child in with one! Get real. You know damned good and well to tell him to take it a shove it. He loves his drugs more than anything else in the world...you come a distant second. Get a life and keep it...you will have nothing but heartaches with this user. You know it and I know it. good luck on YOUR road to recovery.

letthepartybeginnow

You cant help someone that doesnt want help. I understand why you dont want him but dont understand your problem. Youre not together your happy and youve moved on whats the problem? Who cares what hes thinking or doing? So what if he loves you and wants you back.. if he really loved you and wanted you back he'd take responiablity for his own actions and get help to win you back. Let it go tell him you dont wanna hear hes bs. If you have a child with him you would be a bad mother to let him visit with his daughter. If this daughter is from another relationship and she lives with him you need to call DHS and report his drug abuse to them for the childs sake.

zajucomom

You can't help someone that can't or won't help themselves.

isobellistowel

I was once told a very true thing.

There is only one thing worse than being an addict.
Being in love with an addict.

There is no logic in the actions of an addict.
They do not understand what they are going to lose.
There is only one thing in the world that is precious to them, and that is their drug of choice.

There really is nothing that you can do for this man.
It has to be his choice to give up the coke and it has to be him that seeks help. To do that he first has to admit that he has a problem and that he is no longer in control of his life.
You and I know that he is no longer in control but he may be a long way off believing it.

To allow him back into your life is to enable him.
You will be allowing him to believe that he still has some control.
Until he hits his rock bottom he will make no attempt to change. The only thing that you can do is pray that he hits bottom before he ends up killing himself - or someone else.

Please do not believe a word that he tells you. It is not him speaking - it is the drug. Even if it sounds like him and it looks like him - it is not him.

You REALLY must carry on with your life as you are - otherwise you are allowing the drug to take two of you down.

Be there for him when he wants to make the change.
Other than that - you must distance yourself from him. For your sake - AND FOR HIS.

Good luck and stay strong. it is going to be hard.

Nancy M.

You need to stay away from your husband and stay away completely. If he wants to kill himself then there is really not anything that you can do. I went with a guy for a long time and he did crack and I just got tired of seeing him high alot of the time. I walked out of his life after I told him off. His being on drugs caused him to have a bad heart and he also had Hepatitis C. I did not know that he had a bad heart. I had found out from one of his friends that he'd had two strokes. He was also an alcoholic and I just got tired of it all. I had cared for the guy with all of my heart. He had wanted to marry me but how could I?The last time I saw D.D. he was coming down the street carrying a quart of beer. He did not speak one word to me which was very unusual for him. He died in his sleep a few days later from a heart attack. I had asked my son if being on drugs can give a person a bad heart and he had told me that it could. His family would not agree to that since he had Hep.C. Most drug addicts don't care about anything but drugs. You can and should get help for yourself by going to NarAnon meetings. You can find them in the phone book. I am sure sorry about your husband throwing his life away on drugs.

Dad with four girls

If he can't stop , wants no help, and can care less about his daughter. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE! If you don't he will cripple you as a dependant, and your life will be non existent as a decent person.
read this a couple of times and ask yourself if this were your daughter's life , would you encourage her to stay with a man who love drugs more than his family?

If he were willing to get help I'd say help the man, but this dosn't seem to be the case.

Find your enjoyment in life and seek out new places to go so you don't run into him. BE STRONG AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE!

Unicornrider

That's really sad. I think it's time to tell him that if he is TOTALLY clean for x amount of years, he can see his daughter again, but I wouldn't take him back, it's a comfort zone to him. You've said it yourself, the fact that his daughter will be without her dad doesn't mean enough to him to stop and get his act together. There's no cure for that. And that's not anything you want a young girl around, ever, no matter that he's her dad.
If he wants you back he needs to really clean up, he has to realise that.
All the best of luck with this, it's going to be a long haul.

He won't quit until he's ready to quit, and if he's not ready, then maybe the drugs mean more to him than you and his daughter. Its really sad, and hopefully he will let you help him and be by his side, but if not, you shouldn't let him bring you down that road again... you'll have to let him go.

pikachu

let him screw up his own life. i know it's hard to hear, but you told him you would support him if he wanted to get help and he doesn't care. so cut off all contact, don't talk to him, certainly do not let him talk to the daughter until he gets help. either he will realize that he lost everything just to get high and clean himself up to get his family back, or he will kill himself. either way, it needs to be done. you have to do it, you are not to blame, and he can't drag you down with him. it's not your fault, don't let him continue to hurt you and everyone else around him as he continues his downward spiral of selfishness.

henryredwons

he likes the drugs .that is all to say

latrailera2000

Don't waste your time , you can't help him! Why do you want a "fixer upper" anyway? Find a healthy man.

Doll 101

If you're willing to help him, but he's unwilling to help himself, then just let him go. It will be a waste of your time and life. You need to move on without him. You can do it. You can't fight this monster for him if he's not willing to fight it himself.

barry o

he is a self centred *** who has realised he has lost the best thing that ever happened to him or is ever likely to and that is u, also that aint an enviroment to have ur daughter in, keep going with ur new life and i hope it gets better by the day as u deserve all the happiness after all that

chcknbizkit

You cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped. He has to want to quit and dmost likely will have to do it in rehab if hes that bad off. I know you care about him but dont let him drag your life down with his addictions. God bless. He can only make your life worse not better in this condition.

Drew G

He wants to die. Get custody of the child, and get far away from him.

sharbsmith

If he really wanted to stop, he would find a way to get help. The problem is, he's an addict, and nothing you can say or do will change that. Even if he "gets clean" he'll still be an addict and can always fall back into the lifestyle. You can do NOTHING! Stop feeling sorry for him, trying to help him, or giving him anything....especially emotionally. He likes how he is, besides being an addict, there is something in that lifestyle that he enjoys.

There is an old proverb, and I'm not sure where it comes from, but if you're going to wrestle with a pig, you're going to get dirty. Pigs love the mud, and if you wrestle with them, you're going to end up in it, too. My advice, get VERY far away. And if the child you mention is your child, get full custody and get very far away (if not, then please warn this child's mother that he is a danger to his daughter)...and if nothing else, turn him in for his drug use! Don't enable him any longer. You owe it to yourself, don't let him drag you down with him.

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