Please help..What causes one to judge their live-in partner or begin to nitpick on little things?

Dating nearly 2 years,We live together,and are inseparable 90% of the time besides work.We're best friends.But at the same time,I was raised highly disciplined;routine housechores,made bed every morning,military setting if you will,But Im laid back ( drinkin,occasional partying) ; She is the opposite. I'm fine with it most the time,but during those times I get tired of it all I get nitpicking and cause fights ,almost judging her or noticing little common mistakes saying things like "Why wouldnt you take the more common approach instead of doing it the wrong way" etc...Also, Alot of the time I don't want to go to her little family dinners/babysitting little sister im just like "UGGHH no more"
We dont have "Space" to go hang out with friends - she has drifted from most friends,and mine have all turned to hardcore drugs so its JUST US.

Any ideas?
Additional Details
Thank you guys for the advise,I appreciate it. =)

Elliot Kane

You've said it yourself: your methods of doing things are completely opposed. You need to talk about this with her and reach an accommodation before this turns from minor nitpicking into a serious problem between you.

That means you will both likely have to compromise. You will need to relax your rigid rules a bit and she will need to be a bit more careful.

Relationships are about give and take and if you talk this out with her and address the problem together your relationship will grow stronger because of it.

Ms. GTO

it sounds to me like she's upset about something else and taking it out on you by being passive-aggressive.

Marni

I will say I am in a similar situation. Been living together about two years...no hardcore drugs, but we live in a state far from all of our friends and family.

My boyfriend tends to nitpick and see me negatively, I do too. When you live with someone, you see that person for what they really are, which means your soft focus lens suddenly becomes sharp. That little thing you found endearing now annoys the **** out of you. The solution? Remind yourself everyday why you love this person, say to yourself that you know now that they are not perfect and you are dealing with it because you love that person. Don't forget at least a 10 second hug whenever you do hug, and same for kisses. You'd be surprised at how something little goes a long way. When you think of a negative thing to say to your partner, instead say one thing that is nice and complimentary. That will get you out of the cycle.

You need to get to the root of the problem before tackling the manifestations. Starting with little things listed above is a good jump-off point.

Ä‘â™¥â™¥â™¥

being in a confined space with the same person for a long time makes you go CRAZY
I suggest you guys take up a fun activity or hobbie together. (Golfing, bowling). Or go out for dates, do couple stuff.

Jon's girl

sounds like you both need some space go do your own things you dont have to be together 24/7 that will cause alot of tension in the relationship you have to be your own person. alot of couple think that they have to change to much when they enter the relationship when really you dont need to change at all you should hang out with you friends when shes doing her family thing good luck

munkeroos

Your problem is that you are inseparable 90% of the time! The little annoyances become huge irritations when you can't ever get away from them.

I had this issue about 2 years into my relationship too. It was fun and amazing the first two years. Always had someone to do things with, never had to be alone. But then, we were always together, seemed like we never had time to ourselves and the small things became huge things.

It doesn't matter if you have lots of friends - you still need to get out and do your own thing, even if it's alone. Go for a walk alone for an hour. Next time she wants to go shopping see if she'll go on her own. Get into a sport or club that you enjoy and can meet new people through. Even be apart in the house together. If she's watching TV go read a book in another room, or something like that. Make sure you two are always doing different and new things too. If you do the same thing all the time, it'll get stale. Make an effort to try new things.

Talk to her about this though, so she doesn't think you're pushing her away. Let her know you love spending time with her and being with her a lot - but that you're worried if you both don't get more time alone, you'll end up arguing and you don't want to ruin how good things are.

We started spending more time apart and having more time alone together - we're now 4.5 years in and things couldn't be better. It's easy to get annoyed with someone when they're always rightthere. And it's harder to let little things slide, when you're always dealing with them.

Good luck!

alicia l

when you have known each other and see the good and bad of someone. Maybe you should give yourself sometime and think about the relation. Is it just good friends and can have party together ? or a life time partner.

huckleberrymoe

Mybe the problem is you spend 90% of your fking time joined at the hip.

Try branching out a little and giving each other some breathing room. If you really love one another this shouldn't be an issue. I know guys in these type of relationships, when she goes to take a dump there standing right outside the bathroom door saying... I love you sweetie do you still love me?

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: