Please help, my mind and heart are in agony over this problem?

Hope

You did get married at a very young age. Even though you might not think you 'grow' after you are 'grown', you DO. You grow and change...everybody does. Hopefully, people are in relationships that grow and change along with them.

I do not think you are calling a problem just because there is someone else potentially in the picture. If your husband was truly controlling and emotionally abusive, then you probably were depressed and REpressed. I've been in a similar situation. Sometimes it DOES take something...or in your case, someone else (and not necessarily an intimate relationship) to wake your mind up and ask you what the hell you are doing where you are. Your heart is wrapped up, but your mind...which has been controlled by your heart and your desire to make your marriage work...has been asleep, so to speak.

You do what you NEED to do, and only you can determine that. If someone tries to tell you whether to leave or stay, it is no help...you have to decide. Get you a driver's license, reconnect with some LIVE friends, and spend some time with your family (they can be pretty helpful in situations like these). Listen to the mind, not the heart...and you will make the right decision.

Hugs and best of luck to you! :)

mel s

You are making excuses about your husband being bad because you have found someone else. I promise you that 90% of the time, the grass isn't greener. Try to work things out with your husband and drop the boyfriend, and that is what he is a boyfriend. You are being unfaithful.

superficialblonde

my Space causes too many problems for married people. Ypu took an oath before GOD. If your husband is abusive to yoiu, then get out, but if you are bored.........If your husband is good to you and he is a good provier, keep off the computer and stay away from MY Space. I know people who have split up over stupid stuff and I know females who have went to jail over fighting because of MY Space BULL!!!!!

dlmrgnk

Find a minister or priest or counselor who can help you formulate a plan to escape your husband. PLEASE do not move in with your friend. You need time to process and grieve and that's not easily done when you jump into a relationship.

sexynana

first get you driver license now for your answer the best i think is to look deep down in side you and there you well find your answer to your question you ask and by reading what you wrote hon you all ready know the answer . good luck .

Sandz

It's not always wise to jump from one relationship to another. You have been married 6 years and was married at a young age. My advice would be to take some time away from your husband and your high school friend. Get to know yourself as a person and discover what you want out of life. During this time you may discover that one of these men is the one you want to be with or that you want to move on completely. If your afraid of your husband, then pack your things when he isnt home and leave a letter explaining why you left and that you need some time to sort things out but don't tell him where you are going. Tell your high school friend that you need to take some time. If these men care for you at all they will allow you the space. Give yourself some time to figure out what is best for you. You may even want to see a counselor to help sort out your feelings and to discover what you want to do. Either way, I wish you luck ... Be strong and true to yourself

maestra

Sounds to me as if the answer to your questions is within your inner self. First, become independent by gaining a driver's license. Then ask for some time to yourself. Stay with your parents for a while. Do not contact your high school friend or anyone else for dating. After you have spent some time by yourself. Ask yourself if you want to get back with your husband. Give yourself some time to reflect begore you begin another relationship and not an infactuation.

Old Man

Number one you were too young and he was too old for you when you started this relationship. He was like that before you married and were not paying attention. You were in love with being in love. Even at your age now you are confused about which guy you want to be with. Wait until you are 30 and see how different you look at things still yet. Cheating on your husband isn't going to make things any better. Choose which person would be best for you and move on.

geminijeanna

Get a seperation and be on your own for a while. Don't jump into another man's arms right away. Get the divorce and date the guy from you high school. Don't just move in.

Suzy Q

pack up and go to the local womens shelter and end it that is how you do that and go from there he will help you maybe i fhe cares when this guy comes back.

mafiosu

You don't need to run from one man to the next. That won't solve your problem. Is your husband abusive when you try and get a driver's license or a job? If so, you will qualify to go to a safe house. It is a place abusive women can go to find help and your ex won't be able to find you. They will assist you in getting on your feet with a job, etc. If that is not an option ask your family about living with them. Don't think your answer is in another relationship. You need to work on the relationship you have with yourself and gaining some independence before starting anything with anyone new in the future.

donna_honeycutt47

You are still Young and have a Long Life in front of you, do not Live it being unhappy. If you are afraid of your husband, pack your things and find another place to live and leave him a letter. Do this for yourself and be happy.....Don't jump into another relationship to soon. You are going to need friends to help along the way, and possibly this Male friend of yours can help..but be carefull

hamhead

it seems to me that you never had the chance to find out who you were by yourself. yu married were in a relationship at 15, thats really young. now you are growing up and your hubby has some control issues. plus the statements about you being afraid of him should be cause for alarm. it sounds like you are starting to pull away from him and he senses it. my advice is to pack up while he is away, get somewhere where he cannot contact you, let this other guy alone. be your own person, work on "you" get a license, get some independence or you will either stay with yer hubby and cont. to have issues there or end up in a similiar relationship. you need to be strong and able to take care and support yourself before you get into another relationship.

puravida_3

My poor dear....
Life is too short to be un-happy. You got married VERY young. You have not yet been on your own and expierence life. There is so much out there for you, and to be in this bad of a relationship......it just seems like a waste. Try counseling first. You should not live un-happy, and you should not live in fear. DO you have somewhere to go? Have you told your husband how unhappy you are?

Goodspeed

it concerns me that you make such a decision when someone else is in the picture and not before, since it has been so bad for the last couple years...your still young...and inexperienced....I don't feel you have an identity of your own..and I can see you take something better only to realize there is something even better down the road...and then when you figure out who you really are...strong..confident , intelligent...you just might find out your independant too...and so their goes another relationship again....try being your own person...does your husband allow? if not he needs to go....but don't just replace him with another...find yourself first..before you find another.

boricua_2290

Don't say anything... simply pick your things up and send him divorce papers on the mail.... look you said it your self your afraid of him.. for a woman to be afraid of her husband is something inconceivable don't take chances with your life. But before you get in to another relationship first you have to have sometime for you ALONE TIME.. you can date this other young man but don't go trough the steps so quickly... give your self time to heal.. don't get in to a relationship on the rebound.. OK your leaving your husband, then get a divorce, then start to date, then a relationship those are the steps if this guy likes you or loves you the way he say make him prove this to you by simply being patience and wait till you are ready... but about your husband if he is abusive mentally physically or both.. is time to leave.. don't think about it twice.. good luck.

JustAskin

You think you're a mess now?? Leave your husband for soldier boy and you'll be a wreck. It WILL NOT make you a happier person.
You are a very confused person. Seek councelling, for your marraige and for yourself. I think you should work on your marraige. It will either get better or not. If not, get a divorce. It it does, great!
Your marraige situation is the first priority. Work on it before you do anything. This is a HUGE deal. No one really has the time, nor the emotional fortitude necessary to have a boyfriend and a shaky marraige at the same time.
Tell your boyfriend that you need time to work things through with your husband. Then, do it.

2legit2quit

I think that deep inside you know what is right for you but you are making excuses to not follow thru. I know its easy to say 'oh just leave him,' 'your young dont waste your time', blah blah blah. Its easy to say that and at times very difficult to do. You most definitely need time to sit down and think about it. And one very true thing (and most are advising this) do NOT go into another relationship, that is the worst thing you can do. I know I have done it before. If you leave your husband you really need YOU time. Reevaluate your past , your short comings, your contribution to your situations, your personality, reevaluate everything with an open mind and make a change for the better so you will never make the same mistakes again. And about leaving the house before you do this you need to ask a lawyer because llegally if you can't prove mental abuse when your divorcing it could be considered that you abandon the house and he gets right to it. So becareful speak to a lawyer to know what the procedures are. Don't do anything implausible, think about it and I mean really think about it. You might regret it. But if you have doubts, feel your not ready to leave him and still love your husband try marriage counseling. Bring it up when he is in a good mood and things are going well between you too. You can say something like "im so happy, I love it when we are like this and I feel so devastated when we fight maybe we need help with a counselor...' Maybe this might work. You need to think about any decision you are going to do very carefully and deep in your heart you know whats best its just hard to have the courage to do it at times.

parrowmike

LEAVE THE GUY! HE IS ABUSIVE, LEAVE BEFORE YOU GET PREGNET!!
GOOD LUCK

mysticreptile83

First off, myspace is the devil. It causes nothing but problems. Secondly, if you are unhappy you must do what's best for you. I don't think you should be in another relationsship but that is your choose if you chose to. Lastly, you should never let any man make you feel like a slave. I know the world isn't right but men and women are supposed to be equal and if your husband can not understand that you should put your foot down and make the right decision.

mommy3

You need to make this decision without the help from outsiders. The guy that is telling you to come to him, should stop and let you make your decisions. When you are jumping from one man to another you don't see the real problem in the relationship. I think that if you are ready to end your marriage you need to do this without the other guy involved let this pass and then start to build a relationship with someone who will treat you with respect. But for your own sake don't jump too fast you could end up sorry.

makeloans2

This questions poses many others.....if you don't have a drivers license and you leave your husband, will adequate transportation be available to you? Can your afford your own place? If these answers are yes, then I would also encourage you to leave. If your husband is emotionally abusive and controlling, he will NOT change. My first husband was like that to me after several years of marriage and I stuck it out, but then he got worse over the span of time we were married, so I finally left him.

I39

Do not trust your feelings towards your high school boyfriend. You are fooling yourself about thinking things will be perfect with him. It is just something for you to fantasize about since you are in an unhappy situation in your marriage. Do not pursue a relationship with him. You are a very young woman. I think you should get divorced and start finding out what life is like for a young unattached independent woman. Maybe pursue an education or career. You are missing out on being young and free and having fun. You have plenty of time to find the right man. You are selling yourself short by thinking you need to be attached. Marriage will be wonderful for you someday down the road when you are older.

locox62

you need to think about your happiness if you are not happy with your husband leave him or your life will be miserable for the rest of the time, you have to start thinking about you and what you want for the future and also think who you will be happier and better off with.

oogabooga37

See a lawyer before anything else and get separated immediately!

slbeezie

If dude was a friend, he wouldnt beg you to leave your husband for him. He would have said leave your husband for you. Do what makes you feel happy. Don't jump out a marriage and into a relationship. Just take some time away from your husband and you will figure out what is best. Go visit your folks for a week. It will work.

Jezz

You made an oath when you got married.
the question is...is your husband right when he didn't trust you??? you should leave him...not because of you..but for him..
you wasted 6 yrs of your life with him...and you want to give up so quick?????? does that mean you are strong enough to fix your own "home" matters???then why did you get married from the start?some womens go thru hell with their men...but by using their mind, they end up solving the problems.
i think your man still loves you...show him that he can trust you..make him proude...don't play behind his back. Be proude of your home..and your family. whith little tender and love your husband will bow to you. and that friend of yours is taking advantage of you...you are not even in love with him..he is selfish..he should of made you think of a way to fix your problems..if he is talking with amarried woman behinde her husband back....what is he going to do to you when you are with him?????????you see.
You are young and not thinking straight...just stay with your man and be smart..cause behinde every great man...there is an even greater woman" Just sit him down and talk to him.
Best of luck.

fhm20us

Immidiate separation should not be the only choice left with you right now. Look for options, like counselling or if it helps, reason with him, talk with him. Make him understand how you feel and what you've been going through all these years. The important thing is that you are a family so you should never give up. Remember your vow.. "for better or for WORSE".. that's what true marriage is.

Dandelion

I think you are feeling insecure and thus have an inferior complex. It doesnt help further when your husband is also possessive thus ostracising you from family and friends. Its no wonder when one of your high school boyfriends sympathise with you that you fall for it!

Perhaps you should ask yourself this question. If this other guy did not come into the pic, would you be in a dilemma? How have you been surviving these mundane years?

If you can honestly say this guy has nothing to do with it, then I suggest you discuss with your husband for some 'breathing space' like a separation. You should not jump straight into another relationship This time will eventually lead to a divorce once you both got used to being independent again.

You are young. Mistakes are inevitable. The fact that you do not have any child should make it easier for both of you to go separate ways and start afresh.

All the best!

willowbee3

If your unhappy in your marriage, you need to make a change. Don't leave and jump right into another relationship - you need to be able to take care of yourself first.

lyttledarlin

I'm not saying this because the other guy will be here soon. But you should have been gone already. If you are not happy and he doesnt treat you the way he should and you are already thinking of a different life they why have you stayed.

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