Please someone help (no silly answers)?

fucose_man

Holy smokes are you sure you aren't my wife? Look at the question I just posted.
I am going through EXACTLY the same thing right now. I love my wife but the urge to be with other women is just so noisy I can't tune it out.
Assuming his problem is the same as mine - it is NOT likely a problem with you. The "other" woman likely is not any more attractive or anything and probably is generic in nature. I am in therapy right now although I don't know if this can be fixed.
BUT I CAN tell you this - don't shut him out!!! He needs your love and affection more than ever to get through this. Cutting him off is going to make it worse.

Rich B

Suggest to him seeing a relationship counselor. If he resists (us guys can be that way), then at the very least, the two of you need to have a long discussion about where your marriage is headed. No distractions or interruptions and try to make a plan to deal with the issues you are both facing. COMMUNICATE. Wish you the best..

crystal

You know what you have to do,have a good nose through his things without him knowing you have done that.I would!! If I didn't I would always be wondering,put your mind at rest and know whats what!!! Good luck girl.

mandy

well going through someones stuff is a violation of their privacy but in this case i think its probably necessary for your peace of mind well there is always talk of the 7 year itch and all i suggest you look at his laptop to see that hes not lying cuz nobody likes to be made a fool of. and if u find anything disturbing or nothing at all i suggest u do something exciting to spice up ur marriage again cuz seven years is a long time. start by looking at what the both of u are interested in or hes in interested in or even u try having dinner together at least once a week and talking about everything have fun couple night outs go to the movies go to a play anything good luck!!

Dovie

I can only tell you that my ex-husband told me that too. He was online trying to start relationships with all kinds of women. He was never far from his laptop or his cell phone. As he is a lawyer, I never questioned him about all the women that called or what he was doing online. He assured me he wasn't "doing anything". That was until the day he told me out of the blue that he wanted a divorce to go to and live with a woman that he met online who lived in another state. They had never met but had many long and intimate conversations over time. He had even introduced her to my children over the phone. This was years ago, but my heart was and is broken because of the trust I had in him. He made a fool of me.

crazymental

lets look at this logically, he's already told you he's thinking about other people and is talking to other ppl on msn. personally, i'd look, but be prepared for things you mite not like. i'm with someone myself and i know he wouldnt be happy with me talking to people i've never even met online regardless of what it was about so i dont do it, why? cos i respect him enough not to put the mistrust there. have a look cos your always gonna be tempted, if you find anything bad, dont fly off the handle, give him a chance to admit it, if he doesnt i suggest you think long and hard about the trust issue you clearly have and whether you can live like that. to be fair to him, he's been honest and told you about being interested but it could be a warning sign and you need to act on that and quick. if you let it go on not doing anything you'll end up losing him anyway. good luck hun and i really hope it works out for you cos you sound at the end of your rope,

drkstr1973

Seek marriage counseling, and bring the computer up at your session. You need to have all of your issues on the table. Don't waste time seek advice right away.

Mr Cellophane

If you look at his laptop, you will see things you don't want to see. I don't know which would hurt you worse. "Hey Baby, how about hooking up sometime?" or "I am currently in a relationship in a downward spiral. My significant other doesn't understand me, she can be a real bytch, c*unt, (favorite expletives) and whatever is wrong with the relationship is all her fault! (Why should I be brave and honest on the net when I am doing the pity party sympathy angle..." Either way, it will be digging up bones and you will be hurt. This will just add more fuel to the infidelity fire. Somethings are better off not knowing...
However, if the conversations have been archived, make a copy in case you need to use it in divorce court.

happy g

DON'T check his lap top, that's being passive agressive, plus you may 'misunderstand' what the situation REALLY is...

Is asking your questions to him, foolish? If you feel this way, then you two definately need counseling. Why should a spouse of 7 years feel uncomfortable sitting down like adults and getting it all out in the open and decide where to go from there?

You can't make progress if you both are not free to ask your questions and have a discussion - if that's the case then your marriage is in far greater jeopardy, then whether or not he's getting restless or flirting.

mac

ask him to show you on his laptop who he has been talking to
I'm talking to you on a laptop now but it doesn't mean anything
if he has nothing to hide the he should show you
none the less it does seem that you might have problems but it looks like early days , a bit of straight talking now might solve your problems,rather than bury your head in the sand and hope they might go away

debs1701

The way I see it is, if he had done anything with anyone else he would either not of told you or he would of left you instead of giving your marriage another go.

You need to talk to him about the fact you don't trust him, if you start looking at his laptop now, believe me, you won't stop until you actually find something.

He may of only been looking for someone to bounce his problems off of, he might of really only needed to talk to someone and that is all there is to it.

If he has nothing to hide and he trully wants to work through the problems you are having in you marriage he should have no problems telling you who he was talking to, showing you the conversions in his message archives etc etc.

You just need to word what you are going to say to him very carefully so that he doesn't take things the wrong way and so that he will understand how you are feeling right now.

cb56br

I'm so sorry for your situation. For your husband get to the point to confess to you he has feelings for somebody else, it's cause he's taking it serious. You could pick in his laptop but this will only hurt you even more. Sit down with him and have an adult conversation about the issue. Don't cry, don't make a scene. Just ask him what does he wants to do. I know you're suffering and it's not gonna be easy, but, if it was me, I'd rather know then being cheated behind my back. I hope you can fix all this nonsense. Good luck for you.

geminii_lady_in_fife

Look at this sensibly - if he has left his laptop without a password protection, either he is stupid or trusts you not to look, or he is not worried about you looking. If his chatting concerns you, and understandably it does, and he wants to make a go of the marriage, ask him to let you look at his chats - if he refuses then be seriously worried. For things to work, you both need to be open and honest and if he is keeping secrets, or has something on msn that he is ashamed of, it really needs to be brought into the open or you will never be able to trust him.

The minute you look at his chats, you are proving that you dont trust him however much you want to be able to

Stark

First try to talk to him. Hopefully he will just be honest and tell you who he is talking to and why. BUT if he is like most guys, he will just lie. Then I would go through his laptop. That's the only way you will really know. Otherwise you will constantly be wondering. If he found something, confront him, and show him what you found. He can't get mad at you for snooping if you found out he is being unfaithful. And if you don't find anything, then you don't have to let him know you went through it, and you will feel more comfortable.

queen_bertina

maybe you are having a bad patch because he is not focused on you don't put up with it. demand that he stop talking with others if he refuses, get rid of him

kityfun4u

OK, first off let me tell you, that no one can break up a happy home. Therefore if hes "cheating" or just thinking about it you need to get yourself back in check... No relationship is simple, and every single couple I know have encountered some sort of "bad patch" in their relationships. MY suggestion to you is sit down and have a heart to heart conversation. And never assume anything, ask questions, be demanding, get your answers and then be done, never ever bring it up again. Just remember before you point fingers and start yelling like a fool, that you havent let yourself go, you still look pretty for him, tell him sweet nothings, and that you arent to blame.... GOOD LUCK

saltnsaffron

Maybe its that 7 yr thingy!
Anyways, he's told u the truth, so trust him , give him some leeway, speially if u love him so.
See how it progresses from now on, give it ur all.Dont let this one time spoil it for u.
There r ups and downs in all marriages, think of it as a down and move on from here, after all u have given it 7 yrs of ur life.
Hopefully things will improve for u. Analyze where ur marriage went wrong. Maybe u need to add zest to it.
Maybe u have gotten into a rut and need a hange, most marriages need it after so long.
Main thing is to talk things over, sit with him , give him time, maybe u have been negleting him for some reason/s(for kids)Think about it.

pregnantwith#5

If he told you that then I would be worried. I would take a small look. You have every right to know who he is talking to because you are his wife. If he has nothing to hide than why not look. I do beleive in makeing a marriage work no matter what, so I hope you find peace in your relationship and that everything works out! Remember he might be going through a tough time as you might be too, so work things out and make sure to tell him that trust is one of the most important thing in a relationship. Good luck and hope I helped!

jmethod81

NO. Don't look at his laptop. It's a bad decision. You guys are going through what's called a 7 year itch. Just be there for him and try new things to keep him interested in you and not other people. If you can make it through this year things should get better.

icewitch54

I wonder why you are asking this question. You are also online so it is reasonable to assume that you also talk to lots of people.I wonder if your chat is less than simple chit chat and maybe you think his is not either. Maybe the healthy option is to either both quit net chat or sit together when chatting so that everything is out in the open and above board. If you check his laptop before you discuss your feelings with him that will demonstrate to him that you do not trust him, otherwise why the need to peek at his laptop?

big T

ask him to show you who he is talking to? if he says no then hes got something to hide? tell him what you have said here! just maybe he can put your mind at rest! don't beat your self up over it! people go throw bad times and come out the other end just fine! spend some quality time talking just you and him! it is the 7 year itch honey! if you 2 are meant for each other then you will get throw this just fine! i know this as i have been there and come out the other end with a stronger marriage

scottb03gt

If he hasnt done anything yet, he was probably just courious but afraid to, sit down, talk about it and work it out

kirby

Check his laptop - of course!! Check his msn (make sure you put it on "save all messages to history"), check his emails, check his mobile phone, check his pockets etc etc.

Gerry

Interested in other people? Go for it, check his lap top!

Sophiesmom

You really need to talk to him and tell him this makes you very uncomfortable. Him mentioning he is interested would have me concerned, that's the first step to an affair...He needs to decide if you are important enough to him to not hurt you in this way...This would send me over the deep end and i would not tolerate it...Your a stronger woman than I...Just try talking, maybe he feels he is missing something and is looking for that piece of the puzzle.

good tree

I've been through this and it got as far as him having an affair, so please take this seriously. Most problems in relationships are to do with how we talk to each other, and fail to meet each other's needs. We had counselling and have started to learn how to make each other happy. It can happen, but you need to get your husband on your side and agreeing to get help. I kept looking at my hubby's emails and phone texts and it truly just made things worse. Look by all means but be prepared to be hurt, perhaps so deeply that all your good intentions now will be put on one side so you can make him hurt as much as you hurt.......which is very destructive.

fajita

look at his laptop..I bet he is cheating... if he is leave him do not put up with it.

shellysnapz

don't torture yourself any more babe....leave his laptop alone because you may see something you may not want to see....he's only chatting on MSN he's not actually done anything physically with these people has he?...he's at home with you, not them...let it go for your own sake...if you feel that he's cheated on you, then theres other ways of finding out, but snooping through his stuff will hit the fan if he finds out, he may lose his trust in you for violating his privicy, and you'll find that your gonna be fighting with him more, which may drive him to doing something that you most fear....focus on you and him and not who he's talking to on the internet....he's more important than them....stop worrying too much....innocent until proven guilty is my motto....

Squall_22

can you love someone and NOT trust them at the same time??

its possible...

though i advice you to be alert or vigilant...

he might be a trustwothy person in your eyes but he could be tempted just like any other ordinary human so PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE indeed

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