Question #4 of "My mother-in-law is driving me crazy"?

So on top of the other 4 questions this is the smallest out of everything but it still needs to be attended to.

My mother-in-law is fake nice. I can see it but my husband is blinded and thinks his mother is an angel. Anyway it's like we're in this silent competition...her competition. It's like she is playing a game with me to see who her son will run to or who he will "choose". Everything from choosing between a life with me and moving in with her even though we have struggled to get on our feet again and she knows that and she is all but saying she wants him to move back in with her. She watched him throw away everything we had worked for once to move us in with her and now she's doing it again. To something so life-changing as that to interrupting me when I'm talking to my husband to see which one of us he will put his attention to, and it's draining me. And I have to admit she is good at her little game because she always makes sure to be extra super overly fake nice to me so I won't be able to complain to my husband.

Now whenever she comes over she has started this new thing where she cares so much about my health. She gives me advice on how to keep healthy....about 10 times a day. If I walk on the floor without shoes, it will makes me sick. If I use the air conditioner in the car it will make me sick. If I drink soda with my dinner it's going to make me sick. If I stand infront of the refridgerator too long with the door open the cool air will make me sick. If I don't wake up every day, even on my days off, before 8:00 a.m. it will make me sick. If I don't leave my milk out long enough to be room temperature before I drink it, it will make me sick. EVERYTHING!!!!!

And my husband just sees it like she cares for me so much. I can't keep playing this game. Because if I don't follow her advice it will "look like I don't care that she cares so much for me".

Sue C

Boy does she ever have your goat...lol She is controlling your emotions to the very limit & doing an excellent job at it! I would NOT allow her to control me like that, no way. I would NOT accept the unacceptable...IF only you could get up the nerve to calmly say to her, "well, I've made it this far in life quite well, thank you, I think I'll make it the rest of the way just fine too..thanx for all your inputs, but I'm doing fine on my own". You've got to get up enuf nerve to say something to your husband that you know she means well, BUT, it's about driving you nuts now. You HAVE TO speak up & NOT keep all this bottled up inside of you. You ARE "allowing" her to do this to you, somehow you've got to put an end to it. Either by talking to your husband & telling him to PLEASE understand what you're going to do/say, let him know you'll handle it in a nice/adult/respectful way, BUT at this point in time, you HAVE TO speak up for yourself & for him to just try his best to understand where you're coming from when you do it. NO ONE can fault you for standing up for your rites. If you don't, that's just plain acting like a whipped puppy w/it's tail between it's legs! Something HAS to be done, & since you're the recipient of it all, you're the one who is going to have to speak up to her - & soon! Seriously, there is NO reason for you to have to put up w/this nonesence that's going on constantly. I truly feel she's as sly as a fox, & knows she's pushing your buttons & pushing them hard & fast too. It's time you have to put it all to rest & end it once & for all. Your husband has to understand where you're coming from & that it's finally got the best of you to the point of where it's affecting your nerves. Tell him IF it doesn't end, it's going to force you to go to the Dr. & get meds. for your nerves & he HAS to understand where you're coming from. I mean come on...the things she's saying to you, I never even would have tho't to say to my own children let alone have one adult talk to another adult as she's talking to you. Enuf is enuf & you have to speak up! Simply tell her you need to talk to her & you have to get a few things straightened out between the two of you once & for all. Let her know you realize she "thinks" she's trying to "help" you, BUT, you ARE an adult, you DO know how to take care of yourself. You HOPE she understands where you're coming from & why you're saying what you're saying, but just tell her to PLEASE let you live your life the way you choose to live it. You are NOT use to having someone watch every move you make, everything you do, your own mother didn't even do these things to you. But ask her to PLEASE refrain from "advising" you constantly what to do w/YOUR life. You're not saying it in a mean way or a way to hurt her, but you feel you MUST speak up finally & tell her how you feel. Let her know it's causing you more pain than anything else. You ARE to the point of where you just cannot take it anymore & that you've also told her son you were going to have this talk w/her. It's to the point where it has to be aired or someone is going to explode over it all & that's going to be you. Tell her you do NOT want that to happen, as you don't want things to come to the point where you just may say something that could be taken the wrong way & cause big problems for all of you. You DO NOT want this to happen & that's why you feel you MUST say something now rather than let it go & someone is going to get hurt. YOU have to be the one to put a stop to it. IF your husband does NOT understand you & your motives, at this point you just cannot help it. But, you should NOT have to put up w/this total nonsense any longer & it has to end. This is all absolutely stupid, & it's becoming like children bugging one another to the point of causing a fight. End it NOW before it gets to that stage of the game. Do NOT accept the unacceptable! Best to you...:)

smile and say, "no matter how i take care of myself, chances are pretty good that i'd outlive you by couple of decades".

Garth B

Talking to her is not going to work. She is being manipulative for what to her is an important purpose, getting her son back. I would not confide in him about this either. He seems to be fooled by his mother, which is hardly surprising. She has been with him for years and is an expert at conning him.

This is what I'd do at the first opportunity.

Find work for your husband and/or yourself in a different city. Be steadfast in that goal. Look for "promotions" that would involve living somewhere else. Talk up the opportunities to your husband in the privacy of your own bedroom. Think up whatever excuse to explain why he should not be sharing these "opportunities" with his mother.

Be as sneaky as she is. Talk back to her in exactly the same way. Show a similar concern for her health, making certain that you watch carefully that she is following her own advice. If you can see any possible thing she can do that will "keep her with you longer" (something that she'd prefer not to have to do, let's say a 10-block walk twice a day ... with you), make sure that you mention it. Look like you're wanting to spend time with her. And, be super nice the entire time.

While you will have to spend perhaps a month (probably more like two weeks) with your mother-in-law, she will stop with the "games", knowing that you will just play them, too.

Meanwhile, keep up with the job search. You need to get out of town, with your husband.

Kelly

She's getting to you!!! And that's exactly what she wants! I know it's hard but try to ignore her--- take her advice or whatever and then do as you choose. Your husband will never pick one or another--you are his wife and his mom is his mom. Mainly, this is a decision between you and your husband so just whatever MIL says doesn't really mean anything. Just let it go.

BigMac

buy the lady a broomstick and tell her to get on it lol

*havin fun in the sun*

aren't mother in laws just great. they are so great i now have ex-mother in laws. sounds like you married a Mommy's boy, have fun with that. there is no one out there that is good enough for her little boy. your husband should understand how she is effecting you and should not take her side all the time. he is married to you , not her. there is no way i would move in with my mother in law. i did that once when our house was being built and it was pure hell. let him move back to his mom and you find a place of your own, change your phone number and don't let either know your new number.

China Doll 3

You certainly have a big problem alright, your husband should understand this, if I were you I would talk to him about it and seriously because that should not be going on, he married you, you should come first not his mother.

Best advice would be to get out as soon as you can. You don't need to prove anything to your husband. If you don't like her you don't need to put up with her. Your husband is yours and nobody's. Not even your mother-in-laws.

This is getting boring now.

ouragon

Couldn't find your other questions, but if you have this much X4 on your mind about your MIL, I think you should seek counseling. Others are never exactly as we would like them to be, and we have to be able to cope. She's not going to change. The only option is to change yourself. Actually, finding work out of town is also a very good idea.

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