Red flags or just a bad past?
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Red flags or just a bad past?
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We were talking about our last relationships when we first met and she flat our refused to talk about hers...to the point where it almost seemed she was defensive about it. A couple of months passed and I tried another way to get her to talk about her last relationship and she just said "I really just don't want to talk about it...it didn't end good and that's all I'll say" but this time she wasn't as defensive almost remorseful - I just left it alone. She also told me that both her kids father's colluded together to take her kids away from her. One of her kids is in Maryland and the other one is in Utah and their mom now lives in Ohio with me. They've been with their fathers for about 5 years now. She hasn't really gone into detail about the specifics of what happened and I didn't push as I figure it must be painful for her to talk about. But with what I understand about judges not wanting to take kids away from their mothers (at the time her kids were 2 and 6), it makes me wonder if there is more to it than she'll ever admit. When I met her she wasn't working, although she is now - two years later. I was helping her put together her resume and her job stability is shaky, nothing at all stable but she has explanations for it all, usually someone else's fault..someone didn't like her, or someone wanted her job or she felt she was being done wrong in some way or another - a little convenient maybe. She's 34 and likes to club among people in their 20's and a couple of times drank until she was so drunk I had to go pick her up...but she says it's her way of unwinding. One time she drove home anyway and claims she couldn't remember how she even got home, like she was proud of it or something. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt here...would you just cut your losses and move on?
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jude
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this woman is for sure bad news, and seems to leave a trail of problems where ever she goes and wh ever she is with, its always someone else's fault kind of person. this is a person who doesn't take responsibility for anything at all, and when a person fails to be accountable they never learn from their mistakes. judges today never take children from the mom, unless he has a very good reason to. it might be in your best interest to move on because u could find yourself caught up in her life, and u would suffer for it. a good predictor of a persons future is to look into their past. if she gets defensive and won't talk about it she probably has no defense to what happened to her. and if she reveals too much she knows u will be able to see the truth so she would get defensive. |
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rie
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I feel too many red flags are evident.She's hiding too much & she lost her kids & she obviously drinks too much.Get out while you can. |
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Jamie
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Honestly... sounds like a red flag to me. :(
There's an obvious lack of communication there - one of the key points to a healthy relationship.
It's hard to really know someone without knowing their past - because ultimately their past makes them who they are today. The fact that she has 2 other guys working together to make sure she doesn't have the kids should definitely be a red flag to you - a warning of what might be in your future.
She almost doesn't sound like she's stuck in her 20's, like something happened to her then or she just doesn't want to grow up. Are you comfortable to talk to any of her family/friends about her past?
There's only so far the benefit of the doubt will go. If you're not really THAT into her, move on. You can find someone so much better. If you think she'll come around, keep trying. Your best bet is just to be honest with her, despite the fact that she's not being honest with you. Tell her how this whole situation is making you feel, and how important an open honest relationship is to you.
Good luck... |
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Jane
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Hmm, i dont like the sound of her situation. I think you should move on |
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Tracy H
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She's 34, 2 children she hasn't pursued custody of and is in a relationship with you still hanging out with 20 yr olds at the clubs getting wasted, no solid work history and no accountability for err. If you really want to pursue a relationship with her lay it all out on the table, tell her to come clean and establish boundaries, mutual respect, and rules. Take your time but you can only go at it cautiously. Without knowing her past, it's hard to know what lies in her future. |
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Additional Details
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Adult 
Gambling
Unfinished
Deception
Plagiarism
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