Repost due to no answers, please suggest?! This is a terrible situation!?

First off, I love my partner. When he isn't doing my head in, he treats me well and cares for me where he can. When he is allowed too (yes...allowed..) he spoils me, and we have a deep connection emotionally and spiritually. I do love him.
Down to the nitty-gritty.
He has no Job, despite the fact he tells everyone he has this fancy white collar role in his Uncles Building Business. A big fat lie.
He works for his parents doing paper-runs from 2:30am - 6am and his Aunty's House Dressing company on random days.
His mother handles ALL of his money, she has access to his account and spies on what he is using it for (money form the paper runs)
His parents are completely controlling over him, what they says, goes, all the time. He drops everything to get to them...
He is in charge of our apartment rent, and by the sounds of it he hasn't paid it for almost 6 weeks, even though me and our other flatmates have paid him every week for rent.
I am 24 weeks pregnant, I work full-time and earn a steady income. I pay for everything myself, I am honest and hard-working. I don't understand him, he doesn't answer my questions about it because he just simply doesn't want to. He isn't violent, but I am EXTREMELY stressed out and worried about what is going to happen when we have our baby.
I want to leave him, because I feel I could do a better job with my mother around (she lives in another Island), as she is excited that I am having a baby, and his parents don't seem to enthused.
I am sick of his parents telling me how to spend my money, sick of them controlling our relationship and sick of him not standing up for himself or me.
What should I do?
I don't want to leave him because he will love his child, but love won't buy nappies or keep a roof over our head. I have the means and the money to go back home to my mother, so do you think I should do it?
Additional Details
Because lady_phc, he WASN'T a deadbeat when I met him.
He had a job that he had been in for 8 months, and then when we got together...he just...got worse. I didn't know his parents were like that until a couple of months ago. He tried hard to hide it, he lied to me telling me eevrything I wanted to hear because I'd just come out of an abusive relationship and he seemed like an Angel. He is a lovely guy, just lost...incredibly lost.

Palindromic

Although his parents sound controlling, maybe there is more to this than you know. He's a proven liar. His rent is not being paid, so he's hiding money. Maybe his parents have loaned him money in the past, and he's proven to be irresponsible, and with their controlling nature, they decided to control his funds, instead of going about it in a different way.
Right now, your main concern is a healthy baby. My advice would be to go to your mother's home. You do not want them trying to control your child. You have no idea how they will respond once the baby comes. I wouldn't trust them.

Katie M

You answered your own question "I want to leave him, because I feel I could do a better job with my mother around (she lives in another Island), as she is excited that I am having a baby, and his parents don't seem to enthused.
I am sick of his parents telling me how to spend my money, sick of them controlling our relationship and sick of him not standing up for himself or me."
Leave but be sure he stays in the baby's life if he's a good dad.

bandaid_46

This is one of those times that love isn't enough. He has little to nothing to bring to the table, and it sounds as though his parents WILL be running your lives should you marry - if, in fact, marriage is an option for you. You say that he will love his child, but is that enough for you? Don't you want him to be a good father in all ways, and to help provide for this child?

We cannot tell you how to fix this. You can go on defending him and hoping things will change, or you can start making plans for yourself and your child. It isn't your job to fix him; it's his. And you now have a child to put first. Good luck.

delux_version

One of the biggest proofs for love is the ability to sacrifice for others. Not on occasion but as a rule. Your partner is a mommies boy. There may be potential, but, without true maturity he will never amount to much, if anything. I think the best bet is to pack up, move in with Mom and go with the understanding that you are leaving him for the moment. Just letting him grow up so when it comes time that he matures he can jump into the position as husband, father, provider. Biggest word to use on him is "career". That isn't even in his focus yet and should have been there long before you two moved in together. If when you leave he freaks.... that's a good sign. If he runs to another girl then he enjoys his immaturity like so many others his age do.

Mary

Go home to your mother and tell him he needs to grow up and start acting like a man.

Gisela

if i were u, i would definitely leave him now that u can.. he sounds like he's abnormally dependent on his parents and they will never let him make his own decisions about u or anything else... poor kid, if his daddy's parents say he can't get new shoes, he's going barefoot.. deep down u know it will never work and u have to leave him for ur child's sake...

vanhammer

I think the time has come for a serious talk between you two. You are having a child together which means that you will always be a part of each others lives in one form or another, so you'd best start talking about things seriously now. If he refuses to talk about it, then you have to do what is best for you and the child to have a stable, loving home and feel secure in your environment. The two of you need to really work through the financial issues and get a joint account that his parents don't have access to. Time for him to grow up and own up to his own financial responsibilities. If you do leave, he'll be responsible for child support, so he'd better learn to pay his own bills and take care of his own money. No one can tell you what to do or where to go. This is a decision you must make for yourself and your child. He needs to man up and talk about what and how he plans to take care of his new family. Good luck to you.

famof1

You are in no position to have to deal with this lazy man while your pregnant. Take care of you and your child. Stock up on as much basic baby essentials as much as you can with your money and relax!( make sure you hide it from your BF though, if he sees everything you bought he may feel as if you don't need him, but do it for security.) The best thing for to do is move in with your mom and leave this lazy man alone for a while. Write him a letter expressing your concerns and what he's entitled to do once the baby is born and the problems with his parents he needs to deal with. Write out a list with exact costs and show him.
It's his parents fault why he is like this. He is irresponsible and his parents know it, thats why they're trying to control everything his does, even down to his finances. The best thing for him to do is quit any job with anyone apart of his family and go and find something that can truly make him happy and put food on the table. there is no excuse for laziness. Tell him your concerns, then rest and relax yourself and good luck!

ouragon

26 yrs ago I was married to a similar man. His parents did everything for us, including pay the rent. I left him when my baby was 6 wks old, because it was too demeaning. He was a great dad, too, but eventually he let our child do without because he wouldn't work.He moved back in with his parents and stayed til they died, when he finally had to support himself. That was about 5 yrs. ago.

My point is, this man isn't going to change. Do you want this for the rest of your life?

Sue B

It seems EVERY TIME we leave an abusive relationship and jump right into another one, it's like we have it written on our foreheads......."Pick Me, I like abuse".

Yes, go back to mom. He will only get worse and I think you already know this.

Care for yourself and baby too
Good Luck

Faith

Have you ever thought about getting married? You can make the rules when you are his wife. You are already living together and having a baby. If you want his family to back off get married and his parents will respect you as his wife. A girlfriend is not the same as a wife. Marriage would also give stability to your child.

wondering

Yes honey, I raised two children on my own. Years ago, Now I'm not saying it will be easy. The baby, missing him, money, not having him even tho he doesn't help. But nothing comes easy. And he seems to not want to put in what it takes to raise a child. Also what are you showing your baby? That its OK to treat his Mother like this ,they grow quickly. Think about what you said, you can make it on your own with money. You have to figure out what it is that makes you not want to be alone with yourself. Yes move in with your Mother. Young girls do it all the time and it is very hard work to raise a child And a newborn depends on all their needs from you and Dad (totally dependent ) on you for everything . You are going to have so much on your plate. Be around people who really love you and are capable to lean on when you need them. It's OK for him to listen to his parents are you any less then him? He can't be all that you need, what about your emotional needs or honey you wouldn't need me to write this. You would have all of him if he was truly there. He doesn't have to leave a bruise to be abusive. Emotional abuse is so much worse, Marks fade quickly! A broken heart last a lifetime. If what you say is true and he wants to and be with you and the baby. Then move in with your Mom and see how things go from there, this way the baby may have you both till he is able to step up and be a Father . Good luck Paula

gregoryb96

Trust me don't marry him for the kid or because you think it is the right thing to do. I made a mistake when I married my wife because I thought it was the right thing to do. Now 9 years later that decision has come to bite me in the ***. She has done nothing but lie to me since the day we got married, ruined my credit and financial security, and now she is cheating on me online with another man. I now have 3 beautiful daughters and I can't bare the thought of crushing there little hearts with a messy divorce. I am stuck with this woman. I should have ran when the first signs of trouble started 9 years ago.

lady_phoenix39

PLEASE explain to me why you thought letting this DEADBEAT get you pregnant was a good idea.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: