Seeking etiquette tips re: dads new girlfriend (long)?
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Seeking etiquette tips re: dads new girlfriend (long)?
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my parents were married for 30 years, they seperated 6mths ago, and are amid an ugly seperation/divorce.
I am close to both parents, and live near by both of them, seeing them both several times a week. I have a 6mth old son, and they both adore him and want to see him as much as possible.
My father introduced me to to his new girlfriend today, she's lovely and they seem very happy together. We got along really well and i'd be happy to get to know her better.
We live in a very small town so no doubt Mum with hear about dad's new relationship. When she does she is going to react to it, and tell me about it.
Now... should i play dumb like i didn't know, or tell her the truth that i chose not to tell her as it was not my news to share???
Could this destroy the trust in our relationship?? I don't want to interfere or play a part in their divorce, i don't want to share their news or talk on eithers behalf.. i'd rather stay right out of it if possible.
Also, should i initiate catch-ups with dads new girlfriend (and dad of course) or should i just be available should he organise it?
I'm very new to this idea and not sure how to welcome the girlfriend, or how to handle the situation with mum.
All advice and suggestions are welcome!
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toetagme
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Don't pretend you didn't know when your mom finds out. That would be dishonest and hurt her. She will assume you are siding with your father against her. Just tell her you didn't feel it was your place to tell her because you do not want to be caught in the middle or to hurt her.
After a 30 year marriage your mom's emotions are raw. I think for you to actively pursue a friendship/relationship with the new woman so soon would be wrong and a disservice to your mother. I hope this new woman is indeed new and not the cause of the divorce. |
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Betty M
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Look your parents are getting a divorce and it's not your job to tell your mom what is going on in your dad's life and tell your dad what is going on in your mom's life. That would be putting you right in the middle.
I wouldn't say anything to your mom. The truth is, what your dad is doing is no longer any of your mom's business. When she finds out about your dad's girlfriend and comes to you about it. Just say, mom I love you and dad both and I don't want to be in the middle of your divorce and listen to any bad mouthing from either one of you. Please just keep me out of this and allow me to enjoy both of my parents. |
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Allison
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You said: "I don't want to interfere or play a part in their divorce, i don't want to share their news or talk on eithers behalf.. i'd rather stay right out of it if possible."
I think it is completely fair and right to tell your mother exactly that when she finds out about the new relationship. Tell her that you do not want to be the middleman, and that likewise you keep information about her private.
I think for right now it's best to just be friendly and available to get-together with the new girlfriend. Since your parents' divorce is new, as is his relationship with this woman, it may be best just to keep a little distance until the dust settles. |
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fnyunj
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just pretend dad's new GF does not exist. Do not speak to her, do not acknowledge her. Whisper to your mom; "he's lost his mind, he has an invisible girlfriend. . . " |
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