Serious question. Marriage or break up?

lil mami

get out while you can

katehughes2706

Well I know your going to get slated on here.

But at the end of the day, if you both cant agree on the future, then there really is no future for you together.

You are both wanting different things, and I think it would be best for you to part ways, at least she could have the chance to find someone who wants to give her these things, and you wont feel like you're being pushed into anything.

trish s

It's clear you each want different things from life....Therefore,it seems that you would be better off calling it a day.....

ginger

you cant compare babysitting with having your own kids. untill you have your own you have no clue as to what they bring into your life i dont want to sound patronising but its true. when we were deciding weather or not to have a third child we a knew that if we didnt go ahead we might live to regret it but that if we did go ahead that we never would regret it. perhaps she is not the right woman for you and to keep her hanging on when you are sure you want different things is cruel..tick tick tick.

abhit

Although you love your girlfriend you obviously dont want the same things, so to be true to yourself and fair to her. End the relationship and allow her to meet someone else who does want to have a baby with her; she is 32 and her biological clock is ticking away there cannot be a compromise with your current thinking.

carsha1uk

simple really, she wants commitment, you don't, either you stay together and she'll regret it and be bitter later on or you both stop and find people who want the same out of life, you not doing either of yourselves any favours

vivalvegas1

I think that your obviosuly want very different things out of life, If you cant agree to compromise then its better in the long run to break up even if you do love each other, sometimes its just not enough. Trapping you into getting her pregnant is a despicable thing to do in all honesty.

jaime m

You should break up so she can find a mature man.

Wretched Bonsai

Can you see yourself marrying her and having children with her one day? If you can't, let her know now. She should find someone else. Not everything is about you and what you want.

Charlene

If there is this much deceit in your relationship the trust must be going. Problem is that most women in their 30s want to have kids so finding someone who doesn't is rare. I am with you on the kids wearing you out thing cos it happens with me too. I love my man but don't think I could get through that. I go to my sister and she has 2 kids and am relieved to get some peace when I get back home!

jacg

It's quite obvious you are poles apart when it comes to what you both want out of the future. If you really cannot see yourself compromising over marriage and children - and I'm not suggesting that you should; if you are so definite that you don't want to go through with either, then that's your decision - nomatter how much you feel for her, it would be kinder to tell her now and let her be free to find someone else who will give her those things than to prolong the relationship and tell her in a couple of years when her chances of finding someone and having children of her own will be significantly reduced, or marrying her/having children because you've been cornered into it and then ending up in the divorce court in years to come.

Well it sounds like you are old enough and set in your ways and you know what YOU want but your g/f is wanting something VERY different. If you are sure you don't want the marriage and kids thing then tell your g/f, let her go so she can find someone that does want that and will give that to her because she isn't getting any younger. do both of each other a favor and just go on with your life without your g/f. And quite honestly do you really think the way she feels about kids and marriage (it's oblivous) that she will EVER abort a baby????Get real. If you don't want that type of commitment then leave.

raftart

You are right to worry and keep an eye on her, this is entrapment and I think you really should talk about what you both want from a relationship. My fiance had this problem with his ex, she wanted a baby and stopped taking her pill, or she would skip a few days and as a result, they split up. When we first got together, he was always constantly questioning me with regards to my pill and watching me like a hawk. We had many an argument about it and I tried my best to be patient but I could see that she had given him this paranoia. It wore off eventually and he learned to trust that part of our relationship but it took some time and I tried to be understanding but this is may well happen to you! I think you may be at the end of this relationship, why stay together when you both want different things, not to be rude (I am only 25!) but when you are in your mid thirties, for a woman, the clock is ticking and if she is that desperate for a baby, she really should be with someone who wants a baby rather than with someone who does not, that is not a good situation to bring a baby into (I really think that if she did get pregnant, she would not get an abortion).

heebygeeby

At 36 you're gonna be hard pushed to find a woman who doesn't want to get married,have children or already has children from a previous relationship. Your girlfriend is 32 of course she is looking to commit and have a family. You need to find a comprimise or give her the option of finding someone who will give her what she wants.

klallen197902

If you're not ready for marriage then don't get married until you're ready. You don't want to do something that you're not ready for.

dream theatre

move on

naph

mate it's something that has to come from you...
a relationship as im sure you know is give and take, so you have to compramise... talk to her.
ask yourself.
how long have you been with her?
how long would you like to be with her?
can you see yourself without her?
and would you like to be without her?

if you can't see yourself with anyone else... why not consider marage?
or alot of people that arnt ready for marrage have like a commitment ceromony, and commitment ring... that sorta stuff, (i think it's like what gay people do because they can't get married)

but at the end of the day mate, its up to you...
feel free to email me if ya like

lmerrittaz

It's time to do the kind thing. It's time to let her go.

You're really not the committed type.

She wants kids, enough to deceive you. You don't want them. You let her hope though, since you like children and spoil them, let her see that you're good with them. That type of denial, the "he'll change when ..." scenario is really seductive. And when your actions belie your words, probably too seductive. Lastly, if you REALLY didn't want children, you'd undergo a vasectomy, wouldn't you? Make it permanent. Back to that committment thing again, aren't we?

At 32, her clock is ticking. It just isn't fair she should continue waiting for you to be ready. She was choosing to force the issue. Did she not succeed?

Time you stopped brooding and committed to something. Two things, actually. Control over your own genetic material and being a stand up guy.

Let her go find someone she can have a family with.

Charlie

Yeah, she's throwing some pretty strong hints (okay hints like thermonuclear devices) your way that she's ready to get married and start a brood. If this isn't for you, there's nothing wrong with you, it simply just isn't for you. Perhaps you should sit her down and discuss whether or not the relationship is going to move forward - this one is pretty much a deal-breaker. She does deserve someone in her life that will give her a family, if that's what she wants. You also deserve someone as a partner that shares your views and isn't in a hurry to get married, have kids, etc., if that's what you want Sounds like a case of mismatched values between the two of you.

lostrebelchild

If you feel you are not ready for marriage, and children, then you are not, plain and simple. Your friends got married for their own reason/s, that is not a reason for you to get married. When you meet the right person you will know it, without doubt. There are women out there who don't want to have children also, because they enjoy their careers. You know what makes you happy, and what works for you. That's what you do...be honest to yourself, and be honest with her. If the answer is breaking it off, then do so, before a child is brought into an unstable relationship, when it doesn't have to be so, that's unfair to any child. Be good to yourself, and do the honest thing. Sometimes lessons are difficult and can be hurtful, but they are learned, that is what life is all about. Good luck, hope that was helpful. Thanks for asking.

sparrow

If you really do not feel that you have the love required for a marriage with her, and do not want children yet, it would be the kindest thing to leave. I know that sounds harsh, since you say you do love her, but she is ready to have children and to settle down, and you are not. Not everyone wants marriage and children, it is a personal choice, which you cannot force anyone else to share with you. You may well change your mind in the future, but I feel it only fair to give her a chance to go on and find a man who shares her views. If you do decide to stay together however, I would suggest that you use condoms, as once she does fall pregnant, you may not convince her to have the abortion, and then you will have what you never wanted! I know no one on here can GIVE you the answer you need, the decision you make is entirely up to you, depending on your views. I do wish you luck in making the decision though, because by the sounds of it, it is not going to be an easy one for you. Just one last thing: I would not marry just because you feel like you "could". You should only marry when you feel like you could not be happy otherwise.

ni2penang

I can understand your gf's need for a child; she's 32! At the same time, you have no intention of having one. I think what you both should do is; have a serious dialogue about this and decide whether your relationship is worth keeping or just to let it go. I can see that both of you want different thing. If you are not ready to commit, better find separate ways, rather than living in doubts (whether she's on pills or...). It can lead to a more destructive behavior.

david

I don't know about breaking up, but you should not get married and you need to have a serious conversation with her about your true feelings.

eagledreams

Thing is this is your life. I hear you talk of you and all your range of emotions. BUT where is the partner and her range of emotions and any empathy in all of this. I would say that perhaps you would be doing her a favour quite frankly and any future woman in your life should be aware .....as in be honest from the start.

Rachel

I think you know you are not happy with this reationship. You also sound like you want different things out of life. Sad as it sounds, I would say that you should part company.
sorry

clare L

This is entrapment and you have the right not to want children or marriage. it frustrates the hell out of me that we think as woman that we are entitled to choose whether we have children or not and the man has no say int he matter! Its wrong. If you do choose to end it be clear with her why you are ending it...but stay single a while..dont jump out of the frying pan into the fire!

~*tigger*~ **

Entrappment is really crass
As a result of entrapment you have unwanted babies that are made to feel guilty for being alive
like moi

any way I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your girlfriend and devise a five year plan
If your answers are different then move on

smelly

you should leave her, she is trapped with you let her find happiness with someone who acts their age not their shoesize!

Rachael H

i do feel that when two people have a relationship, it's about discussing things together, and not being pressured by what other people do in theirs, and certainly not going behind someone's back to try and get pregnant. the trust is lost, you're not ready to commit to this girl, and she's not mature enough either, if you're having doubts about your future, then listen to your instincts, they usually are right, good luck

Alliyah

I would have a serious talk with your girlfriend, the fact that she has made it no secret she wants children and marriage and then you find she has not been taking the pill on purpose raises serious trust issues. Put it this way my fiance was in a similar situation when he was younger, he didn't know she wanted a child so was unaware of what she was up to, she fell pregnant and she refused to abort the pregnancy, he is still paying maintenance for a child he never wanted all because he trusted the girl when she said she was on the pill. I would get out of this relationship now before it is too late if she has stopped taking the pill once what makes you think she won't do it again. It is your own decision when you want to get married and have children and no one has the right to trap you into it.

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