She smokes I hate it....what do I do???

well maybe you should break up with her and find somone better or work it with talking to her, take her to counselling to stop smoking
good luck with her

Jay G

that is bad bc it is like cheating...doing it behind your back knowing you hate it...

JLLady

It is very hard to stop smoking . Realize your wife has an addiction. She is not trying to harm you , just physically hooked on something. I would talk to her doctor , put picks up all around the house of a smokers lungs, people walking around with oxygen tanks and emphysema, and surgeon general warnings.
I would tell my partner that I only say and do what I do because I do not with to see them meet an early grave and love them so much!!

guntervox

I am a smoker myself of fine cigarettes...let me tell you...she won't quit for you...like I won't quit for my wife.....but I DO smoke outside at ALL times.

angelsrgodsppl

Try to explain to her why you're so deeply bothered by the fact that she smokes, your past bad experiences with family members and such.
Talk to her about quitting, or atleast level with her and ask her to cut back.
If she cares, she'll understand and reason with you.

Queen of All Trades

It's hard for one to stop smoking once he or she has started, especially if that person has been drinking for several years or even all of their life. Try some rehab for smoking. Also, just sit down with her, (I'm sure you already have), and tell her how much she means to you and that you really love her and that you don't want to lose her like you lost your grandfather. And the drinking and smoking, BAD combination. This can be deadly, especially if she's a heavy drinker. She'd be killing herself quicker. Tell your wife that she is shortening the days of her life. Be persistent. Poor your heart out, in a way that you never have before. If that fails, then there's really nothing you can do but hope that she lives and that your marriage works out. Good luck.

Adreeene

You are not being silly, smoking is expensive, disgusting and extremely bad for the health of the smoker and anyone who is forced to breath in the second hand smoke.
You should have a serious but calm discussion with her about her smoking. Explain why you don't like it but make sure you emphasize that you care about her and don't want to see her suffer from health problems (and other problems such as bad teeth, wrinkles and less money).
If she agrees to quit you need to promise her that you will help her and you must be understanding of how hard it will be for her. Some experts say that nicotine addiction is as strong as addiction to heroine or cocaine. Naturally, she'll get irritable, depressed and maybe even sick while she's going through nicotine withdrawl and she will probably have a relapse every once in a while and smoke a cigarette but if you keep supporting her she will quit for good eventually.

Merrie S

Wow , read the answers , you can tell who the smokers are. A little defensive aren't they? You can not make her stop. You can only tell her that you love her and want to see her alive longer. Tell her what an agonizing death lung cancer is and that the gasping for breath from emphysema is extremely painful. Tell her you want the best for her.

sgtwolfy

It would bother me too. I hate smoking. She is being disrespectful. If you asked her to stop, she should at least get a shower and brush her teeth as soon as she walks in the door. There would be no hi Honey how was your day until she did.

dkapero

Man, I feel for you. I think you're going to have a hard time resolving this issue. I share your opinion of smoking but, fortunately, am not married. It would literally be a deal breaker for me. I would dump my girlfriend.
But you, on the other hand are married so, try your best not to be combative when you address this issue. Try to be understanding, and if she is worth a damn, she'll meet you half way. Plead with her (in the manliest way possible, of course) to stop.

Then it's up to trying to be honest and open with one another as far as long term quitting goes.

I heard somewhere that it takes 6 weeks to break a habit, and maintaining takes a lifetime. Good luck!

penny p

me too I cannot stand smoking. Why would you pay money to smell awful and kill yourself?

mj_puce

You have to be very honest and direct with her about it, but don't approach it like she's doing it to make you angry. Just stick with the facts, like it stinks, it's disgusting, and it will probably shorten her life if she doesn't quit. Tell her you will do everything you can to support her to quit.

Be aware that she probably won't be able to quit all at once, so don't take it personally when she falls off the wagon. Just support her to keep trying.

I heard there's a very good new drug called Champix that has helped a lot of people to quit. Tell her to ask her doctor about that. Good luck!

lil miss cupcake

well.

i believe u should tell her really how u feel.

...and ask her y she smokes..

if she cant respect Ur feelings and its really upsetting u..maybe its not really meant to be...serious.

[sounds harsh but that's how i would feel if a horrible secret was revealed in my marriage ]

Christina

I'm a former smoker and my husband has never smoked. If I started to light up again, he'd for sure have an issue with it!! There's so much talk about how you have to respect someone else's rights about smoking and it's her decision, blah blah blah. It effects you. If you want to talk about rights, then you have the right to have a wife who isn't essentially slowly poisoning her body with cigarettes. It's an addiction, if she became addicted to gambling, surely people would expect you to do something about it. Talk to her, not preach to her or yell at her, but tell her how you feel disrespected... let her know how her actions are effecting you.

simplesilverstar

Sounds like she is addicted.It is not easy to just quit.

She can keep her mind off doing other stuffs when the urge comes.

The pharmacies do sell kits that curb with such addictions.You may want to ask her to try that.

Some counsellings are available for smoking addictions..you can consider checking that out also.

Some people smoke as they feel stressed out without knowing that the nicotine in it would bondage them to the habit for a long long time.
Hope you be patient with your wife...it is not easy for her to quit in an instant also.

Jackie

seek marriage counseling

it'll help =)

Kelly

Well it is her choice.
But it does seem like things are getting out of hand. you should just let her know (although she probably already knows) that it bothers you. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help her. She could be stressed as well. If she doesn't want to stop, ask her to slow down. It might help. If she's stressed, fighting isn't going to help.

Wingman

post blown up surgeons general warnings all over the house and another funny thing to do is spray her with febreze everytime she comes home

JST ME 4 A WHILE

It's bugging you I assume because she was doing it behind your back, because she knows you disapporve. And you have every right to be angry. In a marriage, nothing should be kept hidden from the other spouse. I'm sure she hates that she is upsetting you and she knows you are hurt because she has been deceiving. In her defence, it is very hard to quit smoking. And perhaps she started up while the problems in the relationship came to a head and likely to be the reason why she has turned to smoking and drinking as an outlet for her frustrations and stress. While all of this is no excuse to lie to you, she still needs your support in order to quit smoking. But she can't quit for you, she has to do it for herself. Encourage her to do the right thing and the healthy thing for her life and quit.

Jewel J

If she kisses you or gives you a BJ after having smoked then she can push the carcinogens from the cigarette smoke that have deposited in her mouth and saliva into your skin, thus helping to give you cancer. That is placing your welfare at risk. Her smoking doesn't just affect her, so her making an arbitrary decision concerning it is uncalled for.

I'd simply divorce her. She's too selfish to be married to.

the opinionated one...

go to marriage counceling.

Dan

Nasty just plain nasty. If you don't want to be kissing an ashtray for the rest of your life give her the ultimatum. If she still wants the nasty butts then I guess you will have your answer. Seems like the relationship was doomed already.

musicismyhottsexx

its her choice to smoke personally i dont like it when people smoke its smells bad and its un healthy just have a talk with her give her the risks and facts like over a year you spend 10,000 dollars on ciggeretes tell her about lung and heart cancer and how its unhealthy for children

Egg Chan & A Six Demon Bag

don't breathe.

Dianne

You knew she smoked when you were dating and accepted it. Now, all you can do is put up with it and shut up, or get divorced. You can't marry someone and expect them to then change. I agree with you that smoking is terrible, but like I said, you knew it before you married her.

Kerie K

If your wife smoked when you met her, it's not fair for you to hold it against her now. But if she has started up and you made her aware of how much you dislike smoking before hand, she is in the wrong. Nothing you can do will convince her to stop. She has to decide on her own. It is possible for her to quit for a reward, like a shopping spree or vacation ... something she would want to work toward by being smoke free for a certain number of months- just an idea. It could be a show stopper for your marriage, depending on how much of a wedge it drives between the two of you. Best of luck to you, it can't be real fun.

Aubreigh S

I'd live in my bedroom, if I were you. I'd keep the door closed at all times. Your wife will eventually wonder why you are doing that. Maybe she'll get the hint and quit. Maybe she'll stop it and not smoke in the house. Just tell her you're tired of her smelling like an ashtray. That's all I can think of. I hope that works. OK?
.

Saph

i would throw out her cigarettes, her ashtray, and her lighter. then duct tape a nicotine patch to her skin so she can't take it off. (well i wouldn't duct tape the patch to her but I would force her to keep it on until she stops smoking.)

betty b

If you wanted this kind of relationship you would use 2 soapy sponges in the toilet seat with a skateboard while licking an ashtray. Shes obviously doing it to annoy you, tell her to stop. if she doesn't, get a nasty habit she hates. Eventually she will compromise and stop. good luck.

Lily

Either accept it or get a divorce. Who wants to kiss an ashtray? You can not change her and she loves her cigarettes more than you.

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