Should I Call It a Day? (Long)?
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Should I Call It a Day? (Long)?
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Been together 21 years, married for 6. I have always been relaxed about my husband going on stag weekends, or having nights out with the boys and never had a reason to distrust him. However, just before he hit 40, he went on a weekend and a few months later, I found a box with a gift and card which implied that he had met someone on this weekend. I didn’t mention anything to him. A few months after that I discovered he was planning to meet up with an old female schoolfriend. I confronted him about this and he denied it even though I knew it to be true. He did however, say that he wanted us to be together in our old age, so I was reassured. Since then, he has been working abroad, coming home infrequently. He is very stressed in his work and is inevitably changing as he lives longer by himself. He is enjoying the challenge of his work and the social aspects of his weekends. He has admitted that he is going through a mid-life crisis, doesn’t know how long it will take and what he will be like at the end of it. To me, this seems like an excuse to behave selfishly. He doesn’t want to say too much to his boss because of the economic climate so it looks like he will be away at least until the end of the year, making 18 months in total. I have tried to make the best of things by enjoying my freedom, but I don't really want to live by myself. I can’t get his indiscretions out of my mind and I find myself making little comments when he calls which just annoy him. I sometimes think that he thinks that I will always be there for him as he has been my only partner and therefore he can get away with things. I don’t know what to do. I don’t rely on him for anything and could quite easily manage by myself but what if I don’t meet anyone else? I wouldn’t even know where to start looking! And I don’t really have any close friends to go socialising with. Am I better off just waiting for this stage in our lives to end and hope that we can get back what we used to have? Or should I cut my losses and tell him we’re through? There is a third option which is to find someone else and then quit but I would have a real problem with that as it would be cheating. I essentially still love my old husband and this situation is driving me insane. There are no children involved. Any opinions gratefully received.
Additional Details
willn2pl - thank you for your insight. And to all others - thanks for the sound advice. We have just agreed to go away together for a week so I will make my final decision based on that experience.
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Alicia
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What is it about men and their mid-lifers? My hubby had one and he was only 34!! Anyway, let him know that you are considering all of these things and why. If he gets scared and starts to try harder then good for you both. If he dismisses you in any way, then tell him you want to separate. Start living your life. You are already alone, you may as well not be LONELY. |
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Mum of1
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iam going to advice u to leave, as sounds to me, he could be haven a double life, another woman on the go. working all that time and dont say anything to boss sounds like excuse to get away with haven another woman on the go hiden. why keep spending less and less time with ur wife and more working??? in this time of hard times people are working less as there is no work out there at the moment, business are finding it hard to keep all the staff and running on 3day working shifts all over the countries.
at the moment u are alone, whether realise it or not right now, and not hard to find some friends and socialise. there plenty online sites for friendship or even more, ie. makefriendsonline is friendship site where do meets and socialise and make some great friends for life. also could meet a life partner there also, it is paid site so if dont wish to pay then likes yahoo chatrooms is another while, when in same chatroom for while u get to know others, do meets also and make new friends (met my life long bestest mates from there many yrs ago and would never give them up, they there for life).
get out there and see what ur missing when realise what missing u will want grab it with both hands. leave ur hubby now, he is selfish for wantin spend more time "workin" and not enough time with u, his wife. screw his mid-life crisis, this is another excuse to keep going off how long he wants to, he thinks u be there when he gets back, after sleeping with so many other women and enjoying a secret life away from u. go have life of ur own. goodluck.. |
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honeybee72781
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In your wedding vows, you said for better, for worse, in sickness and in health. I'd wait it out. Tell him how you're feeling and talk about it before making any rash decisions. |
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willn2pleaze
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it seems to me that he really wants to be with you in the long run. the problem is you all got married young and if he has not cheated before, he is starting to feel like he might have missed out on something over the 21 years you have been together. men get this way sometimes and start feeling a little trapped and just want to get out and explore, but we always come back home. this is no reason to cheat, but I am just trying to give you a little insight on how some men think. good luck |
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rock of ages
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I wouldn't sit around waiting for him, basically he has told you he is cheating with this other women and he doesn't know when it will end or if it will end. He's using mid-life crisis as his crutch to his behavior. I know you said you didn't know where to start but you could try a dating service, E-Harmony, Match.com even though I haven't I have friends that have. Remember don't play second fiddle to him. You deserve to be with someone who will respect you and love you. Life is to short. Good Luck hope you find happiness. |
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Jr
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I am kindly telling you that I think you need some therapy. Think about it: you don't want to break up with him and be alone. HELLO....you are alone, and doing just fine.
If I were you, I would file a legal separation. You are not divorced, but are separated. You can do what you want then with no guilt, and it sends a message to him that you want more and this is definitely not good enough.
Personally, I would divorce the guy. You do not have a true marriage. And you can't find someone good as long as you are hanging onto him. |
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jerseygal
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I would confront him on my suspicions. And wait for his response. Are you happy and satisfied in this relationship? If not, I would cut and run, there is no kids involved. |
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Sue B
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If it were me.............I'd plan a trip. I'd go spy on him a few days and see what he's actually doing. He doesn't have to know your even there, where ever he is. |
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