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kalea_kane
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After three years, you both should be able to make some concrete decisions about marriage. If you were in your late teens or early 20s and just finishing college, I'd say you should concentrate on your careers a little bit or school. As it sounds like you two are where you are looking to be in that instance, it is really time to make a move.
Don't waste more years on someone who may never be ready. If you both have different ideas of where the relationship should go, you need to be with people who are on the same page.
Good luck.
Perhaps a little time alone without you can cause him to re-evaluate this need for your patience and time. It happens. |
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PURE REPUBLICAN
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MOVE ON best idea EVER |
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kim t
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i was engaged for 2 years and had a baby with him...
i told him to **** or get off the pot... he ****... married 2 years now... and VERY happy!!!
give him an ultimatum...get it on or get gone!!!!!!!!!!! |
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DKH
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Maybe you should be the one to ask him to marry you and then he will have to give you answer. Then you should know! |
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cheergal4
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move on |
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justme
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Three and a half years and he is not sure if he wants to marry you or not, then I say move on.You seem to know what you want for the future but he does not. Or maybe he likes the idea of having his cake and eating it too. I would suggest you sit him down and tell him how you feel. Give him a deadline, like three months from now to make a decision. Either he is going to make a commitment to you or you are going to move on to someone who wants to be with you forever. Don't get me wrong, I am not an advocate of marriage. Personally, I would much rather just live with my bf than marry him due to issues I have with marriage. But since this is important to you and he seems aloof and complacent with your relationship as it is, you may need to "jolt" him and be prepared to leave. Good Luck!! |
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Marty
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If you want to get married and he doesn't want to talk about it, Ask him. Will you marry me! If hes says no move on. If he says yes, the best of luck to ya |
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sugawllz260
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I think three years is more than enough time to know if wants to marry you or not. Move on . |
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kissmymiddlefinger
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MOve on
why buy the cow when the milk is free |
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sweetpea
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Move on.lol |
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sweetgranny06
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he's had plenty of time 3 and half year's and he still hasn't popped the question so don't look like he's wanting to get married id date and not marry for a few years and finish school if you haven't already graduated |
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diamoniquejazz
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If you two are really in two different places right now you should take a break from each other to figure out whether or not you both want this relationship or not. If you find that you can wait for him then do that. If getting married is more important to you then you should move on because forcing him into marriage is going to do nothing but make you both miserable for life. |
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J I L L
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If I where you~~~~I would gently tell him that I was leaving.~~
He knows your desire, what you want. If he truly loves you he will either set a date then, or he will let you go.~~I don't think you will be apart long before he will know what he wants.~~If he doesn't want to get married at this point, he either doesn't love you or he has a bigger issue. If you and he get along good and all is well with your relationship outside of the fact it is not a Holy and
Blessed one then I feel from your story, your made for each other
and I wish you God's blessing.Good luck~~~~Jill |
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adyno1
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If he s not coming to any conclusion, then forget it. YOu are simply wasting ur time. Later also if the situation is the same, then u ll feel u ve missed the bus with regards to marriage. |
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Jess4rsake
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I understand your dilemma. No one really knows the final outcome. What you must endure if you really love this man is not going to be easy. You are going to have to deliberately, stop all of your physical contacts with him, give him the time and the space he is asking for and refrain from calling, chasing and pursuing this relationship. Yes. It will hurt at first but if he really loves you, HE WILL NOT LET YOU GET AWAY FROM HIM-nothing in the world will stop him and he will return your love with a committment. If he is satisfied to see you walk away forever, then you will be much better off without him and with someone else who will value you and not want to live without you. I pray that this will turn out the way you want it and you will have him begging you to be his wife sooner than later. Best wishes. |
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Laura H
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You state that you have a great relationship with this guy and you want to marry him, but he cannot decide if he wants to marry you. Have you been living with him, or just going out with him. The longer you wait to see if this is the one that you want sometimes the better. Three and a half years is a long time, and I would sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him that you are ready to settle down in a relationship and you would like for him to be that person that you settle with, but if he is not ready for this, then you completely understand and go fishing for another one that will date you and treat you right and after about a 1-1.5 year courtship may decide to marry you. Date for at least a year before making a very committed committment. Marriage is for eternity and you want the one that you decide to live with forever to be one that will treat you right and especially your children if you have any. Take it careful and talk to your present boyfriend and see what he decides and then make your decision to stay with him or move on to the other fish in the open sea. Hope this helps and best of luck to you with this problem. |
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Kristal E
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You have already given him some time and been patient, unless you are willing to have this continue for anther 3 1/2 years or so without marriage, I say move on. |
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lakeside
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It depends on your age. I dated my husband for 6 years before we got married, but we were both in college and then he had to go to law school. We have now been married for almost 18 years. It was worth waiting for. I guess you just have to decide if he is worth it. How much do you love him? If he is young, then maybe he does not feel old enough to marry... |
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im_the_69_diva
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Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? You are already giving him everything he wants.........either know that he will never marry you and stay......or move on and see how he caves! |
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Sabrina H
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I wasted 5 years on a guy who didn't want to get married. I broke it off with him, and went on my merry way. I met a man (who is now my husband) and about a week later, my ex was at my door with a ring proposing marriage. It was too late, because he wasn't able to see what he had when I was with him. These type of guys seriously have a medical problem of being far-sighted. They can't see what's right in front of them, but when it's far away, they realize what it is. These are the types of people you can marry, but they will never appreciate you the way you deserve to be. Me and my husband have been together for 2 1/2 years now, and he told me within the first 6 months he knew he wanted to marry me, and he's been the light of my life. |
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debhas5
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This depends on how much you are willing to loose. I would advise you to leave. It will either wake him up or give you the freedom you deserve to pursue someone else. Tell him you need a break so you can think things through. Then, no matter what, don't have any contact with him for at least 6 months. If you do just fine without him, then move on, and pursue other relationships. If he's miserable and you're still available, then get back together on your terms. I'm not a big fan of ultimatums, but enough is enough, and he won't give you a straight answer. Take the break. |
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Truth Teller
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If this is something u truly want and cant wait to give him time, then u need to tell him this and why u want to do it now. I am sure there is a reason u feel compelled to go ahead and get married at this point in your life. So, tell him your reasoning.
Talk openly about it and ask him why he wants to wait and be open minded. Try to reach a compromise, like tell him u would like to know what his plans are by spring and if he sees u in his future. Give him a time limit. U cant wait forever. But, u can wait for a limited amount if u truly love this man.
If after his time limit has come and he still cannot commit to u, then u need to explain to him that u simply want more than he does. Split up, and move on to find what u truly want.
One of two things will happen.......
U will find a man who wants the same thing in life as u do.
OR
Your ex will realize that he has lost the one thing he didnt want to, and see things your way and decide marriage isnt such a bad idea.
I wish u luck, and a very bright future!!! :) |
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sparticle
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He knows what he wants, all right. He wants things to stay exactly as they are without his having to do anything. You're going to have to decide which you want more -- to stay with him now, or to get married -- probably not to him.
Guys like this are a total pain in the rear end. Even if you do manage to get him to marry you, you are going to end up responsible for carrying the burden of making the marriage work. Nobody who is dragged to the altar is going to put any effort into the marriage, and a lot of them end up being masters of passive aggression.
My first marriage was a lot like that -- I handed him an ultimatum, and we got married, all right, and it was miserable almost from Day 1. I learned from my mistake. This time around, the man I love asked me first (actually, I asked him, and he was about to ask me, and it all worked out...), and we have been happily married for 18 years.
If he doesn't want to get married, and if being married is more important to you than staying in the relationship, you're going to have to move on if you want a happy marriage.
Good luck. |
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missy d
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I guess I would question how much he actually loves you if you have been together that long. Usually after being together that long a guy usually asks. I guess i would lay it on the table say you would like a commitment within a certain amount of time or you are going to move on. |
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Go GO Ressa
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Give him time and if you feel you can no longer wait, then move on. Right now, if he's telling you '' he don't know what he want to do'' then by all means listen to what he is saying. You don't want to get married and he then decide that he don't want to be married any longer. |
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LELAND
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Glad to: If you love yourself, you'll make it clear that if he has no interest in spending his life with you and starting a family some day, you must think of your future. Listen to "experience": When a man loves a woman there is NO DOUBT he wants to be there for her forever. He wants to do ANYTHING to make her happy. No ifs, ands, or butts. She wants to "nest" and he will be willing to help her build that nest. THIS MEANS COMMITTING TO HER! If you were really loved you would'nt be having to twist his arm to commit.
Next time, don't give away the store. That cheapens the merchendise. |
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Kat G
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Well here it goes. We all have been in this situation. My friend broke up with him. Did not take his calls, did not email or see him, moved on. He bought her a ring. They are married 9 yrs now with 2 kids & happy. I played the game, stuck around for a total of 10 years on and off. Took the calls, saw him. He married someone else after 6 months of dating her. I also meet my husband and with in 1 year was engaged and then married. My point is don't waste your time on what he wants. If he is not ready to get married you can not push it because in the end if he is forced into it you will be very unhappy. My advice is think about yourself, do things you like and work on you. If marriage and a family is what you want then you need to start dating not sit around and waite for this guy to give you a ring. If he is serious about being with you and has the fear of loss, he will make a commitment. If not then save your self the time and heart ache. |
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lovebunny
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honestly, 3 years is a long enough time for him to know if he wants to marry you or not. he has commitment issues,a nd the bottom line is 5.....10 years from now you will still be wondering. maybe its time to move on. |
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Nonibdula
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Did you read your question after you wrote it? Come on, you already know the answer just face up to it. He does not want to commit to you. The question is why? Ask him where he sees the two of you in five years. If the first words out of his mouth aren't ...with you than you know you're convenient and comfortable nothing more. |
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m b
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I relly can't tell you it's based on how long you two have been having this conflict. I mean you also have to understand guys are different from us. Either we wnat kids and they are not sure if they do or it's marraige. If you 've been around this suject for more than a year then maybe you should find someone who is willing to BE READY to spend the rest of their life with you. BUT if you truely deeply honestly love him you will wait. BUT at the same time don't be stupid. My sister has been waiting on her boyfriend to marry her for 3 years....she should let him go. There is a difference in being in love and being stupid. See if he can give you a reason Y he wont talk about it. If he can't talk to you about it and give you a reason then you need to let him go....You deserve to be happy....DON'T let him string you along for his on convinience.. If that's the case LET HIM GO MOVE ON!!!!PLEASE>>> |
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smoke_frm_apple
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Have you ever watched Two Can Play That Game? |
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