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ZedNeon
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It is so odd to see how easily dysfunctional behavior and lack of conjugal dialogue can eventually lead to divorce procedures, yet only the very act of divorce itself can hammer home the agonizing emotional consequences! Sort of like, it's all a GAME up until the moment that you actually have to sign the divorce papers. Then it hits people like a ton of bricks - OMG what the heck have I done! Many times a divorce is an utter letdown, and people cry, not because they lost a loving partner, but because they think they are a failure (i.e. they are besieged by a bruised ego and feeling of self-pity). Perhaps, if they weren't in it with their huge egos to begin with, minor incompatibilities would not have culminated in a divorce. In all, I agree with other people’s observations here, the time for simple reconciliation and baby-sitting of ephemeral sentiments has long passed. Now is the time for individual reflections and healing – a time to move on and look to an emotionally less-codependent and otherwise healthier future. Your ex should learn to seek psychological comfort in his own strength of character as opposed to compromising you even further by trying to find refuge in your recovering emotional state. I’m assuming that you are not a trained mental health professional (e.g. a psychiatrist, a psychoanalyst, etc.) but even if you were you are simply too personally involved in this case to maintain your objectivity in helping your ex. What you could do, however, in case he is suffering from anything more serious than a simple case of the “blues” is to suggest that he seeks professional help. As it is, no doubt, you yourself have a lot of healing to as well. Think positive, keep busy, mediate about what got you here and where you wanna go, and map out an attainable future goal in as much detail as you possibly can – then go for it and NEVER look back again. Remember, future is the only thing that you might be able to influence and shape into your own design. Good Luck! |
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John C
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Well, if you were serious about the divorce - now you are divorced. What did you hope to get out of the divorce?
Are you still going to get that if you are responsible for your ex-husband's emotions from now on?
I do feel sorry for him.
However, you are not the only woman out there. He is better off falling in love with a woman that can fall in love with him, instead of a woman who has fallen out of love with him.
He needs to go looking for the next woman, not back at the last one. |
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peternal
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It all depends on why you left him... |
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browneyedmaiden
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If you feel that you can be friends with him without him getting the wrong impression, then it would be ok. Problem is, HE may take your comforting as maybe a shimmer of hope for you to get back with him. |
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the_silverfoxx
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from what you typed it seems like he still loves you i dont know how you feel about him but you have to use your own feelings on this matter if you still love him or what this fellow from your typing is still in love with you use your own opion on this matter ? |
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Me
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talk to him and be kind of good friend now |
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YahooGuru2u
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Have you ever heard the old saying "It's kind to be cruel in the right measure"? It was even a hit song back in the 60's. It means that sometimes it's less painful for your ex if you make a clean break. It might hurt more in the beginning, but overall he'll be better off. Several years ago I went through a divorce. My ex wanted to be my friend, I wanted more. After a lot of pain, I was finally the one who wised up and told her, I couldn't be her friend for a while, because it was too painful. I cried when I told her that I wasn't going to call or come by anymore, and I would appreciate it if she would do the same. It was hard, and I wanted to call her, but I didn't. Over time the pain went away and I have seen her several times over the years. We have both gone on and rebuilt our lives. We are both happily married to wonderful people, and our marriage is but a chapter out of our youth. Thank God I realized that being friends was hurting me too much. I think she felt exactly like you do. If I hadn't come to my senses and broke off the painful friendship, I hope that she would have sooner or later. She was just trying to be nice. She's a good person. If your ex doesn't come to his senses in a few weeks, it may be kind for you to distance yourself even if it seems cruel at the moment. Of course every relationship and every person is different so taking advice is risky so do what you know to be best. I hope sharing my experience with you might help you. Just remember it's impossible to be someone's friend out of a feeling of guilt or duty, and you have every right to go on with your life - even if your ex doesn't want to go on with his. Good luck. |
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phi071237
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don't put the matter in your head. finish is finish |
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Alexa
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He will get over it. You should be kind and undarstanding, but not comforting. Otherwise you'll just prolong painfull and misleading situation. His family and friends should comfort him. |
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Harley
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Your role in this situation is to take care of yourself.
I hate to sound insensitive, but had he taken care of his $hit when you were together, you two wouldn't be in this situation. Your time for being sensitive to his needs has long come and gone.
Maybe this will be a lesson to pay more attention to his other in the future. |
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chartley
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It is not my place to tell you what to do. I would suggest you talk with your child(ren) about it. We live on borrowed time, it is the memory of those who loves us which will let us live on. You are a smart person who will find the answer. |
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angel
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you should comfort him, but not to get together. relationships are based on mutual feelings. |
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just_wondering
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he needs to move on! you need to make him not keep him. Right?
It's up to you! |
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unclebob418
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It sounds to me that the relationship on your side is over and you need to move on. I think that the worst thing that you could do is let him think otherwise. Don't coddle him! Let him know that it really is over, and in time he will learn to except the fact. I hope you have a happy future. |
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2D1iLuV
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comfort him as a frend atleast.. |
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m1rr0r
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If you don't feel you are in love with him, you should avoid any contact with him. Otherwise you would give him false signals - he will interpret you "comforting" in a wrong way that you still have feelings.
It is not coldheart - just help him overcome you. He will suffer awhile (depending on his emotionality it could take years) but this is the right thing to do... |
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mikey
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I would guess he is only looking to play on your sympathy...Men like to feel needed and by you putting him out he feels less a man ...be a friend and encourage him to move on-without you.....but do not get to involved because he will only take it the wrong way. Time heals all..... |
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guroo_jedi
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I agree with the people that say to take care of yourself first. He will heal also.
I also think that (depending on your relationship) you should keep open communication as friends after you both heal. However, try to keep the personal stuff out of the conversation.
You liked/loved him at one point. Why should you sever all communications as it could lead to a great friendship (again, after you BOTH heal). Some of mine have. |
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The Cleric
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Your role is to move on and take of yourself.
**
Guess what? That's his role too.
You're separated for a reason. |
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pwacheri
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You obviousely care enough to ask for advice, even if the "love" has gone. Treat him like you would any good friend. Talk to him about it and see what the deal is. He may be going through something else at the same time that is just making this too hard for him. |
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siddhu hssiddhu@yahoo.com
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see it purely depends upon why you left him....is it because he was not loyal to you are he did some mistakes. If this is the case then its ok if you don't care about his feelings now. If you both seperated just because you felt that you are not made for each other and in that there was no mistake of him then you have to talk to him about this. He might need you as a friend. Who knows what he is going thro'. So just talk to him and explain your feelings and act like a good friend |
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Duckie
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no..he needs to move on. by seeking comfort in you he is not getting over you...and its stressing you out as well |
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jacartamonkey
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I'd be sad
real sad |
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vahid
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You know him better than anyone here. Do what it takes to help him move on. The sooner he gets his act together, the sooner he can start on the road of recovery.
If you think comforting him will prolong his agony in the long run, then don't do it. |
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knowsitall
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No let him find comfort in a more appropriate place.
If you start to comfort him he will wiggle his way back into your life and you are trying to move on without him.
It is not your job to comfort him. You are tryin to get away from him, not be close to him. |
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Ketz_Me_33
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From past experience, you would be adding "fuel to the fire" if you comfort him. You need to keep the space between you for him to get over it. It may take awhile for him to get over you, but he will. If he keeps coming around, tell him each time he is there that you don't feel the same way towards him. Hopefully, he would soon get the hint! |
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missirreplaceable
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Just talk to him as if you was in his shoes. |
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WHAT?
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You did what you feel is right for you. Time will heal all wounds as they say. He might not be doing to good right now but soon he will be out with friends, family and even a new honey. It would not do either of you any good to mislead him in any way. Someone who feels a loss will not see all the signs you put out. You either need to be blunt and tell him what is going on or make yourself less available. Good luck. |
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Chad
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For yourself you need to move on, and don't make contact with him, it will just make it harder for him to let go. I can't blame him, your hot! |
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xmanconti
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You have got to let him comfort himself. He's gotta get over it on his own and comforting him would just make him get worse. If you just can't take it anymore, talk to him, but be an ice queen. He needs to know it's over. |
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hey yo
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heck no, he may think that you are rethinking your decision on the breakup |
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