Should I believe him?

blueberry

sometimes not pretty looking people have great personalities

Hash S

Should you believe him?

You actually ' already ' know the answer, however here's my take on it.

First of all, this is 'not' about the other woman. This is about your husbands need to confide in this other person. So how are you going to deal with this.

I'm not certain you can overlook his 'emotional infidelity' since obviously her looks are not what he is attracted to, it is possible her way of accepting him and making him feel good.

So, I would say, what are you doing to make him feel good?
Is he normally a reasonable and considerate person?
And...do you still want to be with him?

As far as him not having an interest in you, maybe this is true, or maybe your relationship has lost some of the fizz, so if you want to keep him, consider finding new ways to stimulate the relationship. At this stage, the real answer, is what you want.

What makes you happy, and more importantly what could you live with. After this, what you would do to keep him, or could you do better in getting rid of him, and starting again.

Listen, at this stage, don't make this more than it is, and take things easy, take a few steps back write down your thoughts, the pro's on one side and the con's on the other, and then revisit the paper a few days later and see how you feel at that stage.

Hun, take care, fight for what you you desire and want to keep, and get rid of what makes your life difficult. be it him, or be it these feelings.

Good Luck

iyamacog

It's obvious you don't believe him, and rightfully so. Infidelity is NOT something one is able to forgive easily. I don't mean to disillusion you. You've been betrayed. That is a very large, bitter pill to swallow.
As to WHY?.......The usual answer is simply, 'because he could'.
Best Wishes to you. ;)

askme

Yes, his selfishness is what you can't forgive. His actions were done out of pure selfishness. Where's the trust and honesty? That's what you want. And even though you verbally told him you forgave him...HE did not tell you that his actions were wrong. Until this self-centered, selfish man confesses how selfish and wrong his actions are....I don't think you will be able to move on from this. My advice to you is to try and discuss this calmly. If he gets hostile with you stop the conversation and tell him calmly...that until you two can come to an understanding about this issue....CALMly...then there is no resolution....the longer this goes on between you two....it will come up at every fight(even when your fighting over something that has nothing to do with this).....human nature I suppose....his behavior has nothing to do with you at all. It has all to do with him. It will still effect you as it is now....but you must try and let it go...because if you don't it will eat you alive....if he can't be reasoned with....then this is one big dent in your marital armour....if the dents keep happening then the marriage will not last. It's very sad to think of but true. Have hope, pray, that you two will get a happy resolution and this will NOT cause a dent...other than that what else can you do?

Liana

It doesn't matter what she looks like. She was filling a need he obviously was being passive agressive in not telling you what he needed from you.

This sounds like an emotional affair. Whether it was physical or not he confided in someone else and allowed her into your relationship.

Seek couples therapy to really deal with these underlining issues. You can remove the symptom but you have not cured the problem. She was the sypmtom now work on what drove him to her.

What is it that he needs from you and is not being able to communicate the need to you. He will repeat this behavior with another woman or her again if this is not dealt with.

Once you hear the whole truth, you can then decide to forgive and forget or find a new partner. If you do stay you have to accept the risk of him cheating again or not cheating again. That is truly moving on.

Princesstyb

well the beautiful the is like not much to go crazy about. but im the same way in a way im jealous. but think of it like this he's ur husband. but the fact he hid the text. yeah that really wasn't cool.

mrs_G

Sounds like it was an emotional affair. But he'll deny ANY sort of affair til the day he dies, because he won't see it that way.

Let it drop, but be ready for the next time...

shady

If you had truly forgiven him...you wouldnt be asking this question.

padmalotusflower

The key is that he was hiding something.

ghosai

he is getting from the other woman what he isn't getting from you and that is an emotional connection. the other woman listens to him, she takes his side, she probably doesn't contradict him. like you said, he seems to run out and call this other woman after you two have a fight. she might not be beautiful in your eyes, but personality can come a long way and if your husband can look beyond the physical especially if the other woman's personality is what has attracted your husband in the first place, you have a big problem on your hand.

openminded

Lack of self control. He will do it again and he will more than likely cheat. People need to stop being so bored and deal witht the realities of life.

mr.c

its not all about looks. maybe she was fulfilling some needs that he had. who knows. maybe you can spy on him again to find out.

who believes in the right to privacy, anyway. cough. eyeroll.

Piggy

Why are you spying on him? He's just talking, it's not like he's having an affair or anything. Does he try to tell you who you can and can't talk to?

Man Yogurt

For the ditzy women who argue that men and women can "just be friends" - ARE YOU LISTENING?

mommy007

He's lying. Men do not have hour long phone conversations. And if for some reason they did, an honest man with nothing to hide wouldn't keep it from his wife. He gave her pet names like "beautiful"?! Honey, he was being a bad boy... and if he didn't sleep with her, he was well on his way to doing so before he got caught by that nuisance he calls a WIFE.

I know that it would be comforting to believe that your husband is different than the "cheaters" out there - that he was just "flirting" - that it wasn't a big deal... but that's just not the case. I know you say he doesn't talk to her anymore - but there will always be the opportunity as long as he is open to it(whether it's with her or someone else). The fact that he tried to lie to you and convince you that it was nothing speaks volumes. If he wanted to repair the marriage and do right by you, he would have been honest and told the ENTIRE truth. Now you are just waiting around for the next "other woman" to pop up....

Be Just and Fear Not

Why don't you believe that he can just be friends with a girl, especially if she is unattractive? She may even be telling him what she thinks it is you are feeling and defending you as a woman. (I've been in that position with my guy friends before.) You are being incredibly paranoid. Either trust him or leave him until your sanity returns. This kind of paranoia is sheer madness.

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